My $30 is gone and I really want it back. Now!

That about sums up my feelings after receiving my checking statement in the mail last month. There somewhere between the automatic payment for life insurance and the $20 ATM withdrawl (don't remember where that went either, but I at least know I did it) was a $30 "debit memo". I rummaged through my checkbook and slips of paper from the ATM thinking perhaps it was a withdrawl with the wrong title. Nope.

Got on the phone to Fifth Third and the customer service rep answering my call tells me "yes, there it is, 'debit memo'" Pretty handy, eh? While very helpful and polite, I'm not sure what the point was since all she could do was request a copy of the memo and forward it to me. It's been about three weeks and I have yet to see my $30.

But lest you think this is an epinion based solely on one bad experience...well, you're partly right. Only because this last experience is the proverbial "last straw". My experience with Fifth Third is as follows:

~ Fifth Third entered the banking market in my town by buying out a locally based bank (AmeriBank). Therefore I became a customer by default. Not always the best way to start a relationship. Fifth Third has subsequently sealed a deal with a much larger locally-based bank (Old Kent) which triggered a nice federal investigation because they will officially have about 50% of the banking market here in town.

~ Our current accounts include checking (free), minor savings for our children, a CD, and we recently refinanced through them.

Customer Service...our local branch gets no stars in this respect. The day the bank moved in the entire staff was gone. Kind of like Invasion of the Body Snatchers only the staff has all new bodies too. They are very young and very rude. I feel so old saying that, but in this case it rings true. Tellers are truly bored by their jobs and I believe I've seen the branch manager leave his office once.

Lending...has actually been a plus. Our loan officer was quite experienced, thorough, and did not make us fill out paperwork she could glean from somewhere else. The process was completed in three weeks with a rate that represented once of the lowest in our area. We were given a half point discount by having our payment automatically deducted from our checking account. Five stars for this experience.

ATM...has gone from plain ol' ATM to an ATM card that serves as a debit/credit card. We didn't ask for this and never wanted a debit card, but we were informed that if we wanted an ATM card we'd have to take the do everything card. Well, ummm, thanks?

The last merchant we used our card at (okay, so we gave in and started using a debit card) explained why many stores are not happy about Fifth Third. It seems they place the Mastercard symbol on the debit card so they may take their 1% fee from every transaction regardless of whether it is coming out of the customer's accounts as a debit card. So we have a couple area merchants not happy with us when we flash our card---it's not our fault, really it's not. Two stars for the new card.

So my total is 0 stars + 5 stars + 2 stars....giving me an average of 2.5 stars. Because I still don't have the aforementioned $30 I'll deduct the half star and give them 2. I think it's being generous since they certainly don't need my $30. Did I mention I'm still missing the $30? I guess I did...but I don't hold a grudge or anything. It's just that $30...

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