Dan and I decided to just have a conversation over AIM and then use it as our Morrowind review. Of course, this is edited, or else it would be full of typos, curse words (if we could use them on Epinins), and repeated uses of MEEP. So… enjoy.
Dan: Ok, we gotta finish this review by tonight.
Ryan: Oh, ok. Morrowind is a pretty cool game.
Dan: Yeah, but it’s not perfect.
Ryan: Your face ain’t perfect either.
Dan: Shut the hell up. Now seriously though, the game isn’t perfect.
Ryan: How?
Dan: Well first of all, people are gonna think it will play like a FPS shooter even though they’ll miss more than they hit
Ryan: Yeah, that doesn’t make it perfect. You’re a retard
Dan: What the hell? I was just making a point, why don’t you admit that
Ryan: Well they should know that it’s a RPG.
Dan: Still, if people are told that they can do whatever they want, I doubt that they’ll think the battle system is similar to those found in an RPG.
Ryan: That’s because it’s not like most RPG’s that most people play, like Final Fantasy.
Dan: Uh still, it’s a RPG nonetheless.
Ryan: Uh, yeah, and your point is?
Dan: Er…what were we talking about?
Ryan: MEEP
Dan: Anyway, what are your thoughts on the game’s visuals?
Ryan: It’s pretty good considering all that stuff there is in it.
Dan: by that you mean???
Ryan: Because the environments are so large and immersive.
Dan: Oh, and you forgot to mention the massive pop up from whatever is front of you.
Ryan: So, it’s still pretty impressive.
Dan: Oh yeah, lets not forget the repetitive textures seen over and over. It’s as if they made it so a certain area would be looped over and over.
Ryan: Its not as repetitive as Halo
Dan: Uh….shut the hell up. What about the characters? They seemed anorexic in that game. There wasn’t even a friggin fat person in there.
Ryan: Yeah, I know you have a fat person fetish you sicko.
Dan: Uh no, I’m just making a valid point. All the characters have the same bodies but with different heads.
Ryan: No, there are different races. And that’s how it is with most RPG’s. And there are many different outfits for them to wear.
Dan: Oh yeah, the races. What, there is around 10 or so? Some of them are unique and really make you choose which class you want. However, some of the other ones, such as the one that lets you breath underwater 24/7, are retarded.
Ryan: No. The ones with greater strengths are disliked by most of the people in the game.
Dan: Who cares. Even the nicest class characters can turn evil.
Ryan: Yeah, but they’re not slaves by most people like the Argonians (the ones who breath under water)
Dan: Which is what makes the game stand out. Your image tells you what you can or can’t do. Say for example you’re a thief; no chance in hell you’ll be able to become a knight. And vice versa.
Ryan: Yeah you can, but you would have to take the risk of being expelled by one of your guilds.
Dan: No matter how you cut it, the game has a certain group that will take you in, and one that will wanna kick you in the nuts.
Ryan: Yeah, the game rocks.
Dan: To bad the sound sucks.
Ryan: No, it has good music.
Dan: Oh yeah, that’s right. I guess when I was walking down the valley; I really deserved to hear an orchestra piece blaring from my speakers. It doesn’t even have the tracks set to a certain event.
Ryan: So you don’t wanna hear good music when you’re walking?
Dan: No, I don’t mind it. But unless I magically found the ability to walk again from a previous freak accident, what’s the point? The only timed orchestra event is when an enemy notices you, and begins to attack.
Ryan: You said it does it all the time. Make up your mind.
Dan: Fine, maybe I stuck my foot in my mouth. But for a large majority of the time, the musical tracks are just randomly selected at a certain area during a certain time.
Ryan: Whatever, it is still good.
Dan: Yeah, I suppose so. I liked how the non-playable characters (NPC’s)spoke to you though.
Ryan: Yeah, but the NPC’s are too lifeless.
Dan: How?
Ryan: Most of them just walk around aimlessly or just stand there. Even if you have a huge sword in their face, they don’t budge. Unless you’re naked of course, then they freak out.
Dan: Yeah, but what’s even cooler is how they talk to you depending on your social status.
Ryan: They only talk to you on how well your clothes are.
Dan: Um no…. how about you actually play the game. If they hate your guts they will tell you to go away. However, if they like you they will sweet-talk you.
Ryan: Oh. I meant how much they like you is based on your personality, how you dress, and if you’re a outlaw or not.
Dan: Plus you get to gamble your friendship away on that idiotic “admire” option.
Ryan: No, the admire option works depending on how high your personality is. Plus, the other option, taunt, is used to have them attack you, allowing you to kill them without getting in trouble with the law. And also, the bribe option will help you make friends.
Dan: Which is why they sometimes refused my gold. Face it, it’s a gamble.
Ryan: They refused your gold because you offered them a wussy 10 gold or drakes or whatever the money is called.
Dan: Yeah well, I shouldn’t even offer it to them. Not like they’re gonna use it on anything.
Ryan: Well, when you trade with a trader, they will sometimes use the things you sold to them.
Dan: Yeah, for no apparent reason. It’s better to just kill them off and loot the store.
Ryan: But the guard’s there, *censored*
Dan: Yeah… how is it that they can be aware of a crime when it happens indoors with them not being there at the scene of the crime?
Ryan: How do you think the police know? Besides if you do wrong, they are gonna find out. And if they don’t’ know, the civilians will probably hate you anyway.
Dan: Still, the guards are either really easy or really strict on you for where punishment goes.
Ryan: Depends on the crime though.
Dan: Not necessarily, if you’re buddy-buddy with them, they’ll drop the price.
Ryan: Again, that goes with the personality.
Dan: Yeah. Still I find it funny how they give you a option as to how you want them to react to your crime. By having you pay the fee, go to jail, or fight them all. Why don’t they just act on command.
Ryan: That’s how the government works in Morrowind. Idiot.
Dan: Gee, I sure would like a cop to ask me if I could slip him $100 so he could drive elsewhere and pretend he didn’t see anything. What a goofy government.
Ryan: They don’t keep the money!
Dan: How do you know? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Ryan: Yeeeeeeah. Anyway, the society in Morrowind is complex. Why don’t you read the books in the game- if you can read- so that you can figure out how the Empire works.
Dan: Nah, I rather just sell em.
Ryan: Anyway, isn’t Morrowind the most immersive game you’ve ever played? I mean, you can play for a 100 hours without even touching the main quest. True RPG fans will appreciate it.
Dan: Yeah. Being able to join the guilds and move up in ranking by performing some odd jobs is sweet. Plus there’s always being able to live in the woods or owning your own house. And by owning I mean killing the owner(s) and ditching their bodies elsewhere
Ryan: Yeah, that’s nice.
Dan: Have you even touched the main quest yet?
Ryan: Yeah. I only did a couple of missions though. But I have more fun traveling though.
Dan: To bad there are a bunch of lost idiots asking you to do even more idiotic tasks for em.
Ryan: Yeah, but you don’t have to do them. You can have fun just whooping monsters’ asses and going to the cities
Dan: True, but it doesn’t take away too much from the game by helping others out. But why I would go out of my way to give an elf a woman’s glove makes no sense to me.
Ryan: Well, if you want to be nice, then you can help them. But if you want to be EVIL, then you can just kill em and take their *censored*
Dan: True, but then you don’t get paid, idiot.
Ryan: Then stop *censored*ing about the missions if you wanna get paid.
Dan: So, I guess that’s it then, huh? I’ll write the review?
Ryan: I thought this was the review?
Dan: Well, we could do that…but, do you really think we reviewed the game?
Ryan: Uh, yeah.
Dan: Ok, so how many stars does it get? Huh?
Ryan: It gets 12 billion!
Dan: Keep it down to the one through five range, ok?
Ryan: Five.
Dan: Yeah. Any game that has it so you don’t experience the same two events exactly the same gets a five. But just barely.
Ryan: No, if any game deserves a five, it’s this game you little *censored* face.
Dan: What the hell, have you been reading what I’ve written. The game has pop-up, random musical tracks, and a gambling method of keeping or losing your friends. Be happy I’m not going to give it a four.
Ryan: You are just a retard, it gets a five. And it’s not gambling. Also, you can forgive all of those these things because of all that there is to do.
Dan: Whatever, just shut the hell up. It gets a five.
Ryan: Fine, bye.
Dan: Bye.
-Things we forgot to mention-
- Slow loading times and loading that comes out of nowhere when you travel
- A huge number of weapons, armor, and items. Weapons and armor actually change how your person looks. Also, weapons and armor wear and tear so that they need to be repaired to be effective.
1.) Grand Theft Auto III -” If you don’t already own a copy of this game, then you’ve been hiding in the caves with Osama Bin Laden for the past couple of month’s.” - *****
2.) Skies of Arcadia - Skies of Arcadia, the first must own rpg for the sega dreamcast! - *****
ELDER SCROLLS 3 - MORROWIND (CD-ROM) An epic, open-ended single player game where you create and play any kind of character you can imagine. Players c...More at eBay
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