Do you watch HGTV? You know that show with that annoying Matt and Sherry? You know…the one where you have to have an INSPIRATION piece to start decorating a room? Well it’s not a crock dearies. Our inspiration piece for our basement renovation is Starbuck’s Barista Espresso Machine.

You see, it’s not a finished basement, it’s the Latte Lounge on the Lower Level. Painted in Light Caramel and Pine Whispers (Oh, yes we know we’re big queens), we have a Latte bar, not a wet bar, and our Barista occupies a very special corner of the bar lit with a halogen pin spot. It looks like an alter. And if you know about our caffeine consumption, you know dang well it is an alter.

But you want to know about the machine.

A few facts about buying espresso machine’s in general first.

1. Don’t but a steam driven machine (cheap), buy a pump driven machine (expensive). This is an investment and pump driven machines are stronger, make better foam, and less messy than your basic department store Christmas present machine.

2. Get your espresso ground correctly. Tell them you want it ground for pump (or steam if you bought your cheap piece of junk before you read this). Don’t grind it at home unless you have spent the additional $150 for the professional grinder capable of grinding it correctly. Your little push button thing that cost $20 won’t do the job and you’ll get a yucky cuppy and ruin your machine.

3. Keep it clean. Cleaning the steam stem and pump components is important to the life and well being of your machine.

4. Have the right accessories. You MUST have a thermometer, a tamper, metal shot glasses (you WILL drop glass ones). And of course if you’re as big a queen as I am, some really trendy tall latte mugs that your guests will just die when they see them. Coasters, and (like us) leopard print chaise lounge are also important to creating the right atmosphere for your new Barista machine.

5. Use 2% milk. It’s true, it froths better than whole milk (but please, never buy part skim mozzarella cheese).

Now onto the Barista:

Overpriced is your first thought right? A little math: A vente latte costs about $3. If you get the machine during one of Starbucks twice yearly sales you’ll pay about $249. That’s about 83 trips to the corner Starbucks. Think hard about your consumption and figure out how long it will take to make the machine cheaper than a frantic run down the block. In my house, it was 3.4 weeks. Don’t forget to add in the cost of milk and espresso if you’re anal and have to figure it out to the last penny.

It can’t taste as good as store-bought! Oh yes it can. The strength of the pump driven system ensure the steam is strong and hot enough to firm up the milk. Again the pump drive will force the hot water through the espresso firmly and deliver a perfect shot. Remember, you want the shot to start dark red and get a little lighter, but not much, but the time the shot glass is filled up. If it comes out black and stays black, you are using too much espresso and/or tamping it too hard. Only the Barista, in all the machines I’ve used, works this well.

But It must be hard—I could never do it. Wrong oh sweet but decafed sister. This machine is very simple to set up and get going. Just put the trays in place. Fill up the water tank, and it’s got a big hole so you don’t spill the water when you fill it up. Trust me. You can make a cup that your guests will think came from down the block.

OK, but it must be hard to use. Nope, like I said first you fill it up. Then you watch the video---maybe for this you should have some wine or vodka first….it’s kind of funny in a sweet way. Remember! Prime, steam, prime, brew. Priming is key. You first want to open the steam stem a bit right when you turn the machine on so all the old water is pushed out. Then you’re ready to steam. Just stick the stem in the metal milk container and wait till it hits 160 degrees. You’ll get some froth too. If you like a lot of stiff, almost whip cream like foam, then you’ll need to put the stem at the top of the milk for about 45 seconds. This takes a bit of technique, but you’ll get the hang of it.

Ok, what about the espresso? Very easy. Just prime again, measure and hit the brew button when the light goes on. And wait. I love the little pop the machine makes as it pushes it out. Remember what I said about the red thing above. Very important, or it will be bitter.

I hate to clean up. I’m going to the corner Starbucks. Don’t sweat it. Just rinse out the trays, wipe the milk off the stem, run the filter cup under water to get the spent espresso out and you’re done. Well not quite. Espresso builds up in the upper part of the part where you attach the espresso basket. A special tool is supplied to scrape it out. You don’t have to do this every time, but just about every three or four times is important to the health of your machine.

Ok, but what color do I buy. The machine itself is kind of clunky looking. Not exactly a style monger. But then again, we’ve scored MAJOR points in neighbor snootieness just by having it. We got the blue one, which really doesn’t go with our color scheme, but we deal. You have a great number of choices. Go for it.

I don’t know what else to tell you except you’re going to hosting a lot of brunches and you will be the last stop on the holiday progressive dinner party.

So to recap: The machine is simple to set up, use and clean. You’ll drink more espresso. You’ll be a hit with the neighbors. So go cash in your epinions cash and go buy one.

Oh, and don't do de-caf. Drinking decafinated coffee is like kissing your sister.

Have a fabu day.


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