Believe it or not, that was actually the opening line I was required to use in my sales pitch for the Rainbow vacuum cleaner when I was a salesman for the company over a dozen years ago. I don’t know if Rainbow is still using the same pitch, but if they are, I could step back into the job of Rainbow salesman tomorrow without having to be re-trained because every line is permanently etched into my aging memory.
Recommend this product?
This was my first job ever which was based on commissions so I was quite the eager beaver when it came to learning about the Rainbow’s many features and carefully scripted sales pitch – which we called a “demonstration”. And of course I was not a salesman, I was a “demonstrator” (who would starve if I didn’t do that nasty four-letter word-- ‘sell’!)
I had enough common-sense to know that I didn’t want to practice a method of sales known as ‘cold-calling’, which means knocking on doors of people who had no idea why I there. It was only because I was assured that the prospects had been ‘warmed-up’ by a telephone representative and were eager to see my well-rehearsed demo, that I had the confidence to even get out of my car and take the long walk up to a stranger’s doorbell.
Unfortunately, Rainbow’s idea of 'warmed-up’ was far different than mine or the customers’.
I quickly discovered that the main reason Mr. and Mrs. Prospect were anxiously awaiting my arrival was because they had been told I’d be bringing a special gift in exchange for a ‘few minutes’ of their time. You should have seen their eyes widen as I carried box after box into their living room – I really felt sorry for them because I knew they were wondering which of the many boxes contained their ‘special gift’. I felt both guilty and scared anticipating their reaction when they realized that a ‘few minutes’ actually meant sixty and their ‘special gift’ was actually a box of Milk Duds. I am not making this up and should point out that it was at least a HUGE box of Milk Duds, which I suppose is why we were allowed to call it “special”.
The reason I provide you with this backdrop for my review of the Rainbow is so that you can fully comprehend how much I truly believed in the product (and so you can laugh at me- I mean, WITH me). I would not have put myself through the hell of countless demonstrations (and I haven’t even told you what I had to do DURING the demo) for a product that wasn’t truly revolutionary!
After unpacking my boxes, assembling my Rainbow, setting up my flip chart, and arranging the happy couple on the couch, I began my sales pitch-- whoops-- DEMO. “Have you ever seen a grown man spit in the street?” I would ask dramatically. As the couples squirmed nervously and exchanged looks which indicated they were already having second thoughts about inviting me in, I would proceed to describe how they have most likely walked many times through the spit of a stranger and tracked it into their house on their shoes. (I hate to keep saying I’m not making this up, but it’s almost too much for even me to believe and I’m the one who actually did it!)
With my glossy flip chart and pointer, I was able to show the now unhappy-looking couple how the ‘grown man’s spit’ and other various disgusting hitchhikers on their shoes dried into nasty particulates of dust waiting to be breathed into their lungs. Conveniently, my flip chart had a diagram of a rather sickly looking man which vividly showed these particulates entering his body when he breathed. The flip-chart man had a section of his chest cut away so we could have a better look at the assault on his lungs- for some reason the dust apparently turns bright green once it’s inside your body.
Never fear!! The Rainbow removes 99.99% of the dirt you can’t even see (I guess it would be easier to see if it turned bright green BEFORE it went into your lungs). How does the Rainbow do this? The same way Mother Nature does — with water. Why does it work? Because “Wet dust and dirt won’t fly”! (I used to dream about those six words since they were the meat and potatoes of my whole demo—and I wouldn’t be eating any meat and potatoes if I messed them up.)
The Rainbow is truly unique due to a reservoir that you fill with water before vacuuming. This water serves the function of the filter bag on other vacuums, but does something that no bag can do- traps all but .01% of all the dust! If you’ve ever vacuumed with bright sunlight streaming into your windows you have seen that some dust is actually coming through your bag and floating back into your room. (And you didn’t even know that spit could float in the air!)
Back to the demo-- seeing is believing and I was ready to show and tell. I would kneel on one knee as I was trained and earnestly explain each part of the Rainbow- the canister, the reservoir, the hoses, and the attachments. One of my favorite parts was when I demonstrated how to use a little gelatin capsule of pine scent dropped in the water to freshen the air while you vacuumed. I was trained to reverse the air flow (yes, you can do that), hold the hose approximately 12 inches from the wife’s face and blow pine-scented air in her nose. We were taught to NEVER blow the air in the husband’s nose- they had probably done studies showing that husbands were ten times more likely to punch us in OUR nose! While my line was pretty corny- something about “Just like being in the forest, isn’t it?”- at least it was true!
Then it was time to really let the Rainbow show its’ stuff. I would ask the wife where her most recently vacuumed section of carpet was and go to work on that same section with my Rainbow. Within minutes, the water would begin to turn cloudy and then brown and then black- I felt just like David Copperfield (minus his super-model girlfriend) when they inevitably asked in amazement how I was making the water black just by rubbing the wand over their ‘clean’ carpet. In a way, the Rainbow really is magic- if I didn’t see it with my own eyes I wouldn’t have believed it. Because there is no bag to clog with dirt and slow the air flow, the Rainbow can always operate at full suctioning capacity (no jokes about Claudia Schiffer please).
The hardest part of my job was when it was time to discuss the price. (Always, always, always save this for the end!) While the Rainbow is five times better than any other vacuum, it is nearly ten times more expensive. That fact is why I cannot give this superior product a full five stars. That fact is also why I usually left the home of Mr. and Mrs. Prospect without a signed sales contract. After several months of little commission money, I was tired of living on the Milk Duds I would sneak from my ‘special gift’ supply and ended up quitting – but I still hope to some day afford the luxury of a Rainbow!
Read all comments (80)