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Jennifer's Body (DVD, 2009)
(7 Epinions reviews)
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"I need you hopeless." I need you to watch Jennifer's Body
Jan 21, 2010
Review by brendan2
Rated a Very Helpful Review
Cons:the dialogue, the lack of scares, acting
The Bottom Line: Failing to deliver the right amount of laughs or scares, Jennifer's Body is a mangled mess.
Jennifer's Body may not be as bad as its critical and commercial failures would suggest, but it's pretty damn bad.
Recommend this product?
Megan Fox stars as Jennifer Check, a high school cheerleader who's sacrificed to Satan by an indie rock band looking for their shot at fame. The only trouble is, the band is supposed to sacrifice a virgin, which Jennifer definitely is not ("I'm not even a backdoor virgin anymore, thanks to Roman. By the way, that hurts. I couldn't even go to Flags the next day. I had to stay home and sit on a bag of frozen peas," Fox woodenly reads from cue cards). As a result, Jennifer doesn't die; instead, she becomes a demon with a taste for human flesh. It's up to her best friend Needy (Amanda Seyfried) to stop Jennifer and save her boyfriend Chip.
Even with a pair of glasses and pulled back hair (Hollywood's version of ugly), Seyfried is still more attractive than Fox, who definitely wasn't chosen for her acting talents. She spends most of the movie parading around in short skirts, but stops short of actually taking all her clothes off. No worries, though, as the filmmakers throw in a few minutes of Seyfried and Fox making out to compensate. This was of course a cheap ploy to get butts in seats, which, judging by the movie's complete failure at the box office, obviously didn't work.
The worst thing about this movie is the Quentin-Tarantino-for-tweens dialogue by Diablo Cody. Lines like "Hell is a teenage girl" desperately want to be profound, but they're just irritating. By the conclusion of the scene in the bar, with Jennifer "playing Hello T!tty with the bartender" and scoping out "salty" guys who "look like a bunch of faygos," the inanity is overwhelming. And this is about twenty minutes in, before the forced pop culture references, from "Nice comeback, Hannah Montana" to "Move on, Needy dot org." Do real people talk like this? If they do, I'm glad I don't know them; I'd probably strangle them.
Stupid dialogue aside, the script is full of plotholes and half-baked ideas. People (Jennifer's boyfriend, the aforementioned Roman) and things (the town's mysterious waterfall) are introduced and spoken of once more before being forgotten completely. There are maybe three death scenes, and the most gruesome gore effect involves Jennifer spitting up some kind of chocolatey-looking venom.
Failing to deliver the right amount of laughs or scares, Jennifer's Body is a mangled mess.
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