Especially when each bathroom is barely big enough to turn around in? (And I have a big ol' butt.)

For a hotel that calls itself a "luxury" hotel, it's not all that luxurious! I love staying in hotels with a history. Given a choice, I always prefer a room and a building with character, not a steel-and-glass edifice that could be Anyhotel in Anycity, even if it comes with free HBO and robe and slippers.

On a recent business trip to Chicago, I was pleased to learn that our conference and our rooms would be at the Palmer House Hilton. My husband always stays at the Palmer House when in Chicago on business (thanks to special competitive rates). Oddly enough, we haven't both stayed at the Palmer House together.

Location, location, location
Located in the Loop in downtown Chicago, the Palmer House is within walking distance to most major downtown businesses and tourist attractions. Of course, I was there in mid-January, so I tried to keep my outdoor walking to a minimum. The Michigan Avenue shops, for which downtown Chicago is famous, are located a slightly longer (15 minutes) walk north. A beautiful walk in the summer, that 15 minutes feels more like 150 in the middle of winter.

That being said, cabs are easy to catch at the hotel and the Elevated (the "subway" to New Yorkers, although it's not sub- anything) is located right outside, so walking is never the only option at the Palmer House.

Public Areas
The lobby is simply incredible. Located one or two levels above street level, the central sitting area is reminiscent of grand old spaces like the waiting rooms of Grand Central or the old (now demolished) Penn Station in NYC: ceilings several stories above, decorated in gilt and colorful painted carvings, a mezzanine level with tall windows overlooking the main floor, huge potted palms screening seating arrangements of plush gilt and velvet couches and chairs, crystal chandeliers, and the underlying quiet hum of Commerce. Wide staircases (and escalators) flank the ends of the main room. Carpeted in deep red, these are staircases that remind you of the one in Gone With the Wind, when Rhett carried Scarlett upstairs for a night of torrid lovemaking.

(I know, mixing metaphors and references here. All I did was go up and down the stairs for days and nights of torrid conferencing, and my mind got to wandering because I missed Dr. kboo... hmmm, perhaps I'd better get back to the review...)

There are several restaurants, bars and stores in the complex, some worthy of their own reviews (and with their own categories) on Epinions. Two popular restaurants are Trader Vic's and The Big Downtown. You are better off at The Big Downtown, which serves hearty American food such as steaks, chops, pizza, and seafood, than at the pseudo-Polynesian Trader Vic's, which takes the same fare, slaps some soy or teriyaki sauce on it, and calls is "Asian" food.

Other facilities/amenities
The business center, newly opened at the end of January 2001, was very good. In addition to having both PCs and Macs for use for an hourly fee, duplicating and fax services were available, and they could make slides and transparencies on a "while you wait" basis. I was also able to print documents by emailing them from my room to the business center; they would print the document and then deliver it to the room or hold it for pickup. One evening, they even stayed open an extra hour waiting for me to finish (and e-mail) a document for printing. Which brings me to my one gripe about the business center: It's only open until 6pm. I guess if you need other services after 6pm, you will have to find a Kinko's (nearby) or wait until the morning.

The fitness center is NOT FREE to hotel guests: it is somewhere in the vicinity if $8-$10 per day, with multi-day passes available. After checking out the facilities, I elected not to use the fitness center: while there were machines galore (including something like 10 treadmills), I only work out on fitness machines when dragged, kicking and screaming. Some websites listed a "lap pool" among one of the amenities in the fitness center, so I went to take a look- despite my gripes about 20-yard pools being too short for a real workout, I would have paid the fee to swim a bit. Alas, the pool was more like 20 feet long, and filled with screaming, splashing kids. Thanks, but no thanks. My room was big enough (more on this later) for me to do aerobics or even jog in circles without getting too dizzy, so I decided not to pay for the fitness center.

There are plenty of ballrooms, the most beautiful ones begin located on the mezzanine level above the balcony. The conference rooms were a warren of windowless rooms, with suspended ceilings, fluorescent light and 70's style carpeting that were really depressing. They were well-lit, had individual temperature controls, and were functional. That's about it. Fine for a business meeting, but I would never try to host anything resembling a social event in one of the conference rooms.

Service
Service was very friendly and generally helpful. I checked in around noon, and there was not much of a line. I only had to wait a few minutes (and the registration counter had many, many positions available and velvet ropes ready to herd guests into the dreaded zig-zag formation if necessary- I almost felt like I was in a bank) to get checked in. Perhaps because I was early, the clerk who checked me in noted that my reserved room was very small, and offered an upgrade for $25 per night, which I took immediately.

My co-workers, who arrived later in the afternoon, were not so lucky. Not only were they not offered the room upgrade, they also ended up in a crush of travelers who all seemed to arrive just as the computers went down. Unfortunately, they seemed to have no ability to check in guests by hand (perhaps due to the use of key cards, rather than physical keys), and there were a lot of unhappy travelers that evening. One of my friends had to wait two hours in line to check in. And no, there was no compensation or upgrade given.

During my stay, I had to call the front desk for electrical repair (more on this later, too), and the first time I called, they didn't send someone up for hours. I don't know if the person at the other end of the phone simply forgot to put the request through, or whether it was a state of electrical emergency in the entire hotel that prevented the electrician from getting to my room, but it wasn't until two phone calls and four hours had passed before I had electricity in my room again. To be fair, the second and third times I was left without electricity in my room, the electrician was there in 20 minutes or less.

Rooms
Which brings me to my last, and most dreaded part of the review. The rooms are sadly in need of major renovations before they are worthy of the grand public spaces associated with this hotel. Even the hallways leading to the rooms are depressing: pale, smudged wallpaper, peeling in places, low ceilings, worn maroon carpet, and dark, chipped doors reminded me of the creepy hallways of the Overlook Hotel from The Shining. I half expected the gilt-and-mirror elevator doors to open and pour blood, or for a freaky Shelley Duvall to poke her head out of one of the rooms.

My upgraded room, which was double sized, had two queen beds, a desk, an easy chair, and the requisite TV and minibar. I also had two closets, two bathrooms, and two windows. The room was easily 400-500 square feet, but not well laid out- essentially, they took two medium-sized rooms, knocked down the wall between them, covered up one of the doors, and moved some furniture in. Even on the 11th floor, there was no view to speak of: I had an empty building under renovation/construction across the way. Thankfully, there was little street noise (the public areas take up the first 7 floors of the hotel, getting guests away from the noise of the el and the street).

Unfortunately, the bathrooms, which came with Neutrogena products, were tiny- smaller even than the bathroom of my apartment in New York, which is saying a LOT- I kept banging my shin on the toilet or tub when getting out of the shower, and there was not enough room in the bathroom itself to dry off or get dressed- I had to step into the room itself. These tiny bathrooms also did not have exhaust fans, and they would get really stuffy after only a short shower... or any other activity with the door closed. Yuck.

The antique-style furniture was dented, scratched and worn, and the television, while it did have free HBO, was small (around 19" diagonal). The size of the TV would not have mattered, except that since this was a double size room, the beds were at the opposite end of the room, the long way, at least 20 feet away. There was no furniture between the beds and the TV, just a big expanse of floor. Like I said earlier, almost big enough to jog in, certainly big enough to do aerobics. Indeed, the TV was so far away that the remote wouldn't work- I had to walk halfway across the room to get it to work, thus obviating the need for a remote in the first place.

The door to the minibar would not close and lock, because it was overstuffed. As a result, the refrigerator ran almost constantly. I ended up taking a bunch of sodas out so I could close the door and not waste so much energy.

By far the worst problem, however, was the electricals. Every morning of my stay, when my wake-up call came, I would turn on the bedside lamp. Flash! All of the sockets in the room would lose power. No light, no TV, no laptop. The only things that still worked were the bathroom lights and one light near the door. Every morning, I would call the front desk and they'd send up an electrician. I have no idea what he did, probably just flipped a circuit breaker somewhere, but this is a problem that needs a long term solution, not a daily call to the front desk. Oddly enough, there was never any problem in the evening after the electrician "fixed" whatever needed to be fixed- until the next morning.

Overall, though, I'm still glad I paid the $25 for a double sized room. My co-workers, who were not even given the option, had rooms that were barely large enough for one bed and small desk. They were dark, because these rooms only had a single window, and the bathrooms were just as small. They barely had enough space to do work. Then again, their TV remotes and electrical outlets worked, so I guess it's all a trade-off.

The double sized rooms have so much potential- they could be quite luxurious suites. If they were going to knock down walls and seal off doors in the first place, they should have taken the bathroom near the door and turned it into a large, even walk-in closet. Then, the remaining two closets, vestigial hallway and bathroom could have become a large bathroom suite. I'm talking big enough for a separate tub and shower, big enough to be wheelchair accessible, big enough to turn around in without banging a knee on the toilet.

In summary, I wouldn't recommend the Palmer House unless it got a major overhaul. I hate to say it, but next time I'm in Chicago on business, I am going to have to stay in one of those boring glass-and-steel monstrosities. At least I know I'll have electricity in the morning.

Recommended: No