Penthouse Forum: Where Every Man Shoots And Scores
Written: May 07 '04
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Creative letters sent in by readers … pure spank material.
Cons: Some fluff letters and ones written by professionals.
The Bottom Line: Anything that I say here will only get zapped by the content filter ….
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| Freak369's Full Review: Penthouse Forum Magazine |
WARNING: This is a review of an adult oriented magazine. This review contains information that may be considered offensive to those who find adult sexual topics objectionable. Please do not continue reading if such material is upsetting, unsettling or if you are under the age of 18
Penthouse Forum. Seems like a loaded topic doesn’t it? While erotic arts may be perceived by some as just another avenue of smut and filth on the paved highway to eternal damnation, I hardly consider Penthouse Forum an open gateway to hell. More than anything, this magazine is fluff, that’s right, fluff. Readers from all over the world sit down with pen and paper and document “real life events”. They then send them to the editors of Penthouse Forum in hopes of having them published for the entire world to read. In the past the validity of the letters have been questioned. Do women really get that turned on in libraries? Are all female plumbers really ready to unclog the pipes? Do all college girls that deliver pizzas pass on a cash tip for an extra serving of [cough] pepperoni [cough]? Sure, some of the events that are sent in by readers do happen, but come on – how many times do I have to read about the typical male pornographic fantasy that involves a man, his wife and her best friend? Is it too much to ask that they get a little more inspired before they pen their sexual memoirs? Above all, this mag is a great source for those who are seeking a creative outlet for their pent up fantasies. For those who are looking to increase their vocabulary skills, this mag offers you such creative terms as shimmering pork sword, meaty poked pie and one of my personal favorites – qu_im. It took me a while to figure out that one since no many people used it in so many different contexts. Sort of like the word Smurf, it can be use in almost any situation or under any circumstance … but watch out for those who giggle when you say it, they know what you really mean.
The Premise
Penthouse Forum was designed to be a clearinghouse for adult sexual encounters. People were encouraged to write in with their most descriptive, verbose and colorful experiences. This might sound like just the thing to pass the time if stranded on a desert island or stuck in a bunker in the middle of a war but I hardly consider it practical reading for the average Joe or Josephine. Granted, from time to time we all sit next to someone on the bus, subway or barstool and overhear a conversation about a one night stand or hot threesome that started innocently. But even those are usually exaggerated to a point where you want to lean over and laugh in their face. Now, if you are into adult reading material and haven’t checked out this mag at least once I really have to question your porn credentials. This is one of the cornerstones of old school adult spank – something that you came across when you were a teen and gazed and gawked at it like it was the center of the universe. The guys out there know exactly what I am talking about; when you graduated from looking at the lingerie ads to finding your older bothers or fathers stash of skin mags.
134 Synonyms For The Word Penis
Men must really be hung up on their sexual organs. They name them [Mr. Stiffey, The Love Machine, Fred], have conversations with them [Fred, she’s a hottie isn’t she?] and even try to bargain with them [Come on Fred, just 30 more seconds!]. So it’s no wonder that when they sit down in front of the computer to write their massive missive that they have to avoid redundancy. Pork-sword, love missile, salami, rock hard rocket, throbbing python of love … all common terms of endearment used to refer to the male penis. At first it is amusing, then it gets annoying and ultimately you want to track down Steve Rogers from Olathe Mississippi and confront him about the hot sex he had on the loading dock at Wal-Mart. Was he still on the clock?. Yes, creativity runs amuck in Penthouse Forum, the last non-internet bastion for those with a panache for verbose flow. Read it long enough and you will be able to pick out the real letters and those that were penned by members of the staff. I mean, come on, how many guys can nail three stewardesses in one night or have sex with some hottie they picked up in a nightclub just by seducing her with a look. Even though there are some fake or fluff letters, there are some written by the average Joe and sometimes those are the hottest ones. It all depends on what gets your engine started and how quickly you cross the finish line….
It’s these rather interesting synonyms that really make me wonder about the letters – could Mark, Gary or Mike actually sit there with a straight face and writing this stuff? More to the point – do they really expect people to believe it? Well, that’s not the point. Let’s get down to the meat of the matter, no one reads this to get ideas about how to seduce someone or to enhance their romantic interludes with their significant others. That’s not to say that you won’t be randy enough to want to jump on the first thing that moves but – in all honesty – this is pure spank material. There, I said it. It’s a nudie mag without the nudity. Think about it, there you are, bored out of your mind, flipping through the channels and all of a sudden you spot the corner of the magazine peeking out from under one of the cough cushions. Your “spider senses” start tingling and all of a sudden you get a burst of energy. You are alone, none of your usual booty calls are available and you are in a rather precarious position so what do you do? Whip out that slightly tattered six month old magazine and take care of business. That, my friends, is what Penthouse Forum is all about.
So why would I read it? Well, I am a female – something that really rattles some people when I write these types of reviews. Most of the time women are expected to be shy little creatures that are as innocent as the driven snow – that is until the big beefy man wants to get it on. Then they want that nasty, trash talking, whip cracking authority figure … well, something like that. Yeah, I do read this magazine on a regular basis and I subscribed to it for a year. I’m not going to lie and say “I buy it for the educational content” because how can anything printed in this magazine be considered educational unless you are learning about sex? Sometimes you just want to read something dirty, something smutty or a little taboo. Sometimes you just want a little “private time” with yourself … that’s when this comes in pretty freakin’ handy. Is this something that most chicks will get into? That’s a tough call, if you are someone that reads romantic novels with Fabio-like guys on the cover – chances are this will scare the life out of you because it is graphic and a lot more “hard core” than what you get in the candy coated novellas.
What You Won’t Find
Unlike the parent magazine – Penthouse – there aren’t airbrushed centerfolds of naked women sprawled across the pages, nor are there any provocative poses by scantily clad vixens. No, this is 90% text and 10% advertisements. Make no mistake about it, there are more than enough adverts for sex toys, phone sex lines and adult services to keep the average man or woman appeased for hours. When compared to other adult reader inspired publications this one has a wider spectrum of topics that they are willing to publish but if you are looking for the truly hard core stuff, look elsewhere. This is strictly about sex with a few fetishes added in to spice things up. If I have to tell you that this isn’t for sale to minors or that they shouldn’t be exposed to it, chances are you shouldn’t have kids in the first place.
Subscription Rates
If you are a bit more daring than the newsstand shopper, you can subscribe to Penthouse Forum and receive 13 issues a year for the almost obscene rate of $27.00. Of course you can reduce that price by shopping around various online magazine sites to see what deals are in play. Cover prices have fluctuated over the years and I do remember them being as low as $2.99, not a bad price when you consider the entertainment value you get from it. If you choose to subscribe for a year you will save about 60% off the cover price of $4.99 [that comes out to about 60 bucks a year if you buy them from the newsstand]. For even bigger savings you can order a two year subscription but if you are going to do this make sure you look for sites that are offering some type of a bonus [three month trial to another mag, six months extra etc]. Your magazine will come shrink wrapped and with nothing visible to the postal carrier or snooping spouse however if you prefer anonymity, have it sent to a post office box to avoid a marital conflict. Please check your local obscenity laws regarding adult material, some places have made it illegal to receive these types of magazines or “printed material” via the United States Postal Service. It’s not illegal to possess it but it is illegal to have it sent to you. Go figure.
The Bottom Line
I can recall a time when there were tons of mags like this but with the internet taking over a majority of the business, these are quickly becoming dinosaurs. Still, there is something so naughty about ripping off the plastic, tearing out the subscription cards and sitting down to flip through the pages to see what all the horn dogs have been up to – even if most of it is exaggerated or complete fantasy. This isn’t something that will appeal to everyone, if you are in to erotica or adult fantasy this might be something that you would want to check out but rarely are there any letters that will really get you off. There is a somewhat fine line between erotica and what you will find in Penthouse Forum – erotica gives you just enough to paint the picture but you have to add the details and color whereas Forum tells it like it is, gives you all the details and leaves little to the imagination. Still, there are some letters that I read years ago that I can still recall almost word for word – the hot sex in the library with the professor and college freshman, when the pool boy got his tank cleaned and my all time favorite – “South of The Border Disorder”.
As always, thanks for the read!
~^V^~ Freak ~^V^~
© 2004 Freak369
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Recommended:
Yes
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