Second Coming of Bat Boy!
Written: Apr 26 '05 (Updated Jul 26 '07)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: The articles, of course; the columnists, especially Dotti and the Sabak Sisters; and Bigfoot.
Cons: Ed Anger. And all the freakin' ads. And sometimes I wish certain articles were true.
The Bottom Line: Like the Onion and Mad Magazine? Then you'll probably like WWN.
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When I was a child, I actually believed the articles in the Weekly World News. I remember reading an article back in the early 90’s that mentioned that the Chinese were plotting to bump the Earth out of orbit by all jumping at the same time. The article, IIRC, mentioned that all Americans should jump at a certain time to prevent the orbit-nudge from happening. I jumped.
Now that I’m older, of course, I know the WWN for what it really is—entertainment. The kind of entertainment that you’re actually embarrassed to read—or at least, embarrassed to let other people see you read. 7.26.07: Despite the fact that I'm a staunch liberal (see note in Ed Anger section) and the WWN would probably not even print the word "liberal," unless it was in an insult, I love it, in a sort of ironic way.
I actually haven’t bought a copy of WWN for several months; but I’ve been leafing through old copies that have been stashed away in my closet, like so many porn magazines. (Not that I read porn...) They’re mostly from 2002, but I did find one from 1995 (and I actually didn’t know it was from 1995 because the cover is missing but I did see something about Princess Diana and it didn’t mention her death, so I checked the date on the lower-right corner of the page and it was 1995!). The articles are a hoot. Everything from “Woman has gay alien lover!” to “How NOT to go to hell!” I made both of those headlines up—I think. But the “reality” is not too far off. Speaking of going to hell, these guys must be seriously fundamental Christians. Back in the late 90’s and early 00’s, ¾ of all issues dedicated their big black cover headline to something resembling the phrase “SECOND COMING OF CHRIST in only six months!” Inside, of course, would be an article with a HUGE picture, and maybe four or five paragraphs worth of “information” pertaining to the fact that there’s been a new star sighted over Bethlehem, or a new Dead Sea Scroll found (how many freakin’ Dead Sea Scrolls are there, anyway??) or the latest “end-of-the-world” predictions from “leading” psychics. None of which, of course, have come true.
UPDATE: 4.29.05: As if you really needed any further proof that WWN articles are rarely true, a 2000 article proclaimed "EARTH'S ROTATION SLOWING ... and will come to a dead stop in 3 years!", causing "permanent day on one side of the globe, and permanent night on the other." I don't recall the earth stopping spinning in 2003, do you?
Speaking of psychics, I love Serena—and now her little sister, Sonya, as well, who garnishes her letters with plenty of teenage slang—Sabak. Don’t know where you left your nail clippers? Write the Sabak sisters; they apparently have surveillance in your house and know your every move! Aren’t sure whether that guy with the curly black hair and dark blue eyes you met at your best friend’s party is right for you? The Sisters know you better than you know yourself, and they can tell you whether he is! The only problem is, I kind of wish they actually were psychic; maybe they can tell me where all those books I’ve been looking for are...
Another of my favorite columnists, whom I actually used to hate before I developed a sense of sarcasm, is Dear Dotti. I’d actually like to write to her, though, and say “Dear Dotti: 1987 called. They want their hairstyle back!” Most of the time, the letters make me laugh out loud. All of the letters seem to really want “Ann Landers” type advice and Dotti’s replies always drip—no, gush with sarcasm. A while back, the letters had photos of the people who supposedly sent the letters in; I guess to make the reader think that the letters were sent in by actual people. She is nice sometimes, usually when people suck up to her.
The only columnist I don’t like is Ed Anger (an appropriate last name!). He’s so right-wing, he’s practically falling off the edge (UPDATE 7.26.07: btw, I wrote this review before I realized I'm a liberal). But I still read his column every time I read the WWN... what does that say? One of the columns had a test called “Take this test to prove you’re a REAL American!” Um, yeah. Most of the questions were about old Western movies and TV shows that came out many, many years before I was born. I hate Westerns. The title of the test should have been “Take this test to prove you were born before 1950 and watched way too much TV as a child!” Besides, the original test “proves” nothing; anyone could easily get that information off the Internet.
Many people dislike Bigfoot, the “world’s biggest crossword puzzle,” but I dote on it. I adore crossword puzzles and I try to finish all of them (although I’ve only succeeded once).
The only problem with the WWN is that sometimes, just sometimes, I wish certain articles were true. Someone invented a machine that records dreams? Cool! I want one! But it’s not real. Darn.
**UPDATE 5.6.05
Well, I bought last week's issue of WWN (the one with "ALIEN BIBLE FOUND! They worship Oprah!" on the cover), and it seems that Dotti and the Sabak Sisters will no longer be in WWN. There were announcements in each of their columns saying that they are all taking off for an indefinite amount of time. BTW, Dotti, Serena, and Ed Anger are/were actually all one person, who I think is the editor of the paper or something.
7.26.07
Apparently the Weekly World News is stopping publication. I'm not sure when this will happen, exactly.
Recommended:
Yes
Primary Reason for Buying: Articles
Describe the magazine's political views: It is conservative.
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Epinions.com ID:
mysticalchickn
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Member: Zanny W.
Location: OR
Reviews written: 9
Trusted by: 0 members
About Me:
Born. Living. Will die someday. Can't stand the excitement.
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