BIGFOOT SPOTTED IN ROSWELL DANCING WITH AGING ELVIS PRESLEY IN DRAG!
Written: Dec 02 '01 (Updated Mar 18 '04)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: The continuing saga of Bat Boy.
Cons: It is the guiltiest of pleasures.
The Bottom Line: Bat Boy rocks my world!
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| Sordid-1's Full Review: Weekly World News Magazine |
You are all familiar with "Weekly World News", although few of you will admit to actually reading it. It is the sensationalistic "news" rag proudly displayed at the end of every supermarket checkout lane in the nation, comfortably nestled among the cigarette lighters, breath mints, AA batteries, and Wonder Woman Pez dispensers in the highly coveted and effective "impulse purchase" display space. It captures your attention with its outrageous headlines like "Windy Gal's 'love gas' drives the guys wild!", "Bat Child Found in Cave", "Hero Turkey Saves Family of Six", and with its incredible photographs such as the one showing a lovestruck Hillary Clinton in the company of a naked space alien, or the numerous pictures of the wonderfully freakish Bat Boy (half-boy, half-bat.) You won't directly examine it though. You deviously stare at it out of the corner of your eye, constantly wary not to get "caught" by fellow grocery shoppers (people, I might add, that are strangers whom you have no reason to impress.) You are secretly enthralled by the "Weekly World News", yet you pompously maintain your oh-so-proper, straightlaced gaze of detachment and disinterest. What you don't realize though, friend, is that your fear of association with the gullible, empty-headed, trailer trash element, and your self-elevating effort to protect your "image" from the judgments of strangers is preventing you from anything more than a pedestrian acquaintance with what every well may be the finest humor magazine on the market today.
WWN is no "National Enquirer", folks. It does not endeavor to embrace some sort of facade of journalistic integrity, mixing facts with the fiction in an effort to "trick" you into buying swallowing lies disguised as truth. It aims for a comedic shot at the solar plexus, merely wanting to entertain you and make you laugh. WWN's "news" stories are so patently absurd, so incredibly farfetched, and so humorously presented in a "nudge nudge wink wink" manner that I can no longer bring myself to view it as a deceptive publication, though I am certain there are many individuals hailing from Arkansas, West Virginia, and Birmingham, Alabama who view "Weekly World News" as solid gospel. Can you blame WWN's publishers for the resultant effects of inbreeding and excessive consumption of paint chips? That's just not fair. Yes, WWN adheres to many of the tenets of mainstream journalism, but there is no guile in it. The presentation of bizarre and absurd fiction in a straight-faced manner merely serves to enhance its comedic effect (much like "The Onion"), and is not undertaken with malicious intent.
Let's take an up-close and personal look at a sampling from a recent issue (December 4, 2001) of "Weekly World News" to get a better understanding of its method and content.
1) This issue's cover shows a picture of a Rhesus monkey smoking a cigarette accompanied by the headline "Health Secrets of the World's Oldest Monkey." The corresponding story tells how the monkey, Namwah (nicknamed "Liquor Tooth") smokes four packs of cigarettes a day, uses recreational drugs, drinks alcohol by the pint, and lives on a diet consisting of "peanuts, pretzels, and cocktail weenies." It is also accompanied by a photograph showing Namwah seated at the stage of a strip bar with a martini and a pair of topless dancers in front of him.
Chain-smoking, alcoholic, sex-crazed monkeys are funny.
2) An article exposing the detrimental health effects of sniffing stinky feet reveals that "inhaling the unique vapors of an adolescent's sweaty feet damages brain cells with every breath." After further expounding the dangers of pungent podiatry, WWN suggests that "teenage children should wear galoshes or bread bags over their feet while in bed" and explains that the damaging effects will be minimized if "teenagers' socks (are) boiled in water after every use." The accompanying photograph shows a pair of particularly anguished teen boys retching and gagging as a pair of outstretched feet visibly emanate noxious fumes.
Stinky feet are funny, as are the people who sniff them.
3) In an instructional article explaining how to behave at company Christmas parties, it is asserted that "a tabletop strip dance at the company Christmas party will make you a living legend - an unemployed living legend." This is merely one small, tasty bit among a gaggle of solid advice kibbles. The accompanying photograph shows a number of people seated on a couch trying very hard to look inebriated. The individual seated in the center is puking into a garbage can.
Drunk, stupid people embarrassing themselves in front of their co-workers are funny.
4) This issue contained an article entitled "How to impress any man no matter how fat, ugly, or shy you are!" The article's contents are irrelevant because the title is so doggoned hilarious.
Facetious self-help articles mean-spiritedly directed at people with a severely deflated self-image are funny.
5) In a shocking article entitled "Mummy Came to Life and Goosed Me," an Egyptologist tells her story of a bizarre rump-poking episode:
"I had just turned my back on the mummy for a second when I heard the rustling of ancient linen," said shaken archeologist Dr. Anne Kingsroad of Great Britain. "Suddenly, I felt a large thumb jabbing up between my buttocks - with such force that I was nearly lifted off my feet."
Fortunately, to quell the general public's concern over any potential anal-probing mummy outbreak, the Weekly World News cites experts who explain "that contrary to Hollywood flicks, mummies rarely come to life." Phew!
Undead creatures jamming their thumbs up people's butts are funny.
The "Weekly World News" knows what it is: an entertainment magazine. And I have to believe that all but the most thick-skulled peckerwoods in its readership recognize it as fiction as well. My one complaint, though, would be directed at its advertisers. This publication contains page after page of sales pitches for phone psychics, good luck talismans, miracle cures for all manners of maladies, and "get rich quick" schemes. While I do not begrudge "Weekly World News" the $1.69 they collect from their customers (they earn it), I fear that a considerable portion of WWN's advertisers are predatory in nature merely preying on the ignorant and uneducated by promising them services that cannot be delivered. That is abhorrent.
Humor is a subjective thing, but in my estimation the "Weekly World News" hits its comedic mark much more often than not. I cannot help but give it my highest recommendation, although I still refuse to watch WWF wrestling.
Recommended:
Yes
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Epinions.com ID:
Sordid-1
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 - Top 1000 |
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Member: Jeffy
Reviews written: 62
Trusted by: 418 members
About Me:
You wouldn't notice a muddy elephant in the snow, would ya?
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