criteeker's Full Review: Holy Cow by Martini Ranch
What? Are you serious? Bill Paxton? Yes, the actor of such films as "Titanic, Twister, Aliens, U571, Tombstone, Weird Science, Apollo 13, True Lies and MANY more...has a CD available. Your jaw open? Mine was. I said, "Gimme a break!" Then I listened to it. It became one of my favorite CDs of the 1980s...but it still keeps me comin' back for more. Joined by Andrew Todd, they formed Martini Ranch. The sleeve says, "Very special thanks to James Cameron." So one can only assume he funded the project. With guest appearances by Mark Isham (and his magic trumpet) and the powerful vocal talents of the B-52's own Cindy Wilson. Patrick O'Hearn and brother Robert lend keyboard and bass talents as well. Even actor Judge Reinhold lends his whistling talents on track 2. What a fun CD!
"New Deal" (4:51) A cash register 'cha ching'... the sound effect of a Star Trek door opening and we are on an express elevator to this fast-paced tune. "Going up?" The new deal refers to the 'After Life.' "Judge yourself by what you feel. Your body's changin', feel the body change from flesh into the new deal." Although spiritual in nature, this tune is fun and fast-paced and aided by the sharp vocals of Cindy Wilson.
"Reach" (4:39) The gang pays tribute to Spaghetti Western films, peppered by the whistling prowess of Judge Reinhold. "He robbed a train near Santa Fe, for money and for riches. It ended on a chain gang with those dirty sons of b*tches." The chorus goes a little something like this, "Reach, I heard him say, Guess this ain't your lucky day. Reach, I heard him say, then smiled and rode away. He was headed for his future, runnin' from his past. Lookin' for adventure, ridin' hard and fast. Hell bent for leather, foamin' at the bit. Saddle sore and weary, in a three-way split." Yee Hawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
"World Without Walls" (5:13) A song dedicated to the road trip. "Driving down a highway, Staring out the window. Speeding through a dream, it's all a state of mind. Your silence says it all, there's a smile on your face." Cindy Wilson's voice and Mark Isham's flugelhorn and trumpet are dreamy enough for me.
"Fat-Burning Formula" (4:10) A cash register clanks and a voice yells, "Kiss the fat goodbye!" Here is a song that makes fun of all of the "magic diet pills" on TV infomercials. It's a fast-paced tune with plenty of sound effects to keep it funny and entertaining. "Grab a dumbbell lift it in the air. Keep your torso erect and your hips square. Pump the iron skip some rope. Spin a cartwheel eat a cantaloupe. Fantasize (sexy female moan) about your thighs (gaggin sound effect). Flex your pecs twist and shout. Attack the fat on a folding mat, Don't delay you better order today." This is actually a great workout song too! The end of the song is reminiscent to the old circus days, when men stood up on soap boxes and sold magic tonics, "Kiss the fat goodbye. Lose weight whether you exercise or not. Contains no chemical no harm ful side effects. Lose weight while you sleep. A truly amazing medical breakthrough. The incredible fat burning formula" (maniacal laughter). "Works like magic" (followed by a cuckoo clock sound effect which gives the impression that you're CRAZY to buy this stuff. I love this song!
"Richard Cory" (3:55) "That was then, this is now. Life is what you make it." I think this is the low-point to the CD. It deals with a powerful man who kills himself, set to an upbeat track. He was richer than a King, we thought he had everything. One calm summer night he went home and put a bullet through his brain." This song prompted me to subtract one star in the rating.
"Hot Dog" (3:57) Back to havin' fun. The following statement has appeared on my outgoing message many a time. "I can't talk right now. I got the wife and kid in the car with the poodle. I hate that damn dog. (bark) Sit. Now beg. (growl) Sit. (Moe of the 3 Stooges - "Sit down!") Now beg. (Dino of the Flintstones, barks) Scratch. And Sniff." Then the song kicks into high gear with Cindy Wilson's voice leading the way. While this song is not profound, by any stretch of the imagination. What it is - is a fun and catchy tune for all dog lovers. Every verse is followed by either a funny comment or cartoon sound effect. Bill Paxton's sampling prowess and humor take center stage here.
"Serious Girl" (4:43) "Treasures of the deep are not as precious as your love. Hope, Dreams, promises, good feelings from above. In bed we laugh, in bed we cry. In bed we are born, and in bed we are gonna die." Profound.
A seemingly pointless and bothersome tune with glaring synth notes.
"How Can the Labouring Man Find Time For Self-Culture?" (4:38) This is the marquee song that was played on alternative radio stations when it first hit. It starts off with a funny, yet odd, vocal sequence. "Hi, uh, I've never had sushi before. Maybe you can prepare something special. What's fresh? The reply seems like a backward English phrase made to sound like a Japanese man. "Sounds good" (furious chopping noises). The Japanese man seems to flip out and our guy says, "Domo, Domo. Domo. Thanks, pal." The song kicks in and it's a very tight fast-paced catchy tune.
"(Brother) Take it Out" (2:52) A simple song talking about taking out our anger on others. "Brother...lashing out at brother. Sister take it out, take it out on sister. Father take it out on lovers." A cynical view on humanity and how we relate to others. A driving beat with electric guitar and synth. Seems like an anthem for a psychologist.
"Power Tool" (5:04) "Visitors from outer space would think it rather sad. To see how we, the human race, let the world go mad." A typical 1980s faux beat box tune. Yet the words are profound. It talks about how foolish man is with its bombs. "Power tool, build a bomb. POWER! Power tools in the hands of power fools."
If you love the lyrical genius of Danny Elfman and the snappy sounds of Oingo Boingo, you are sure to love this CD. Mind you, it's NOT on the level of Elfman or Boingo. I meant it as a comparison of sound. A few tracks drop the ball here, but it's worth a listen or buy it USED. I wish these guys would have collaborated more often and brought us some more polished views on life.
A note about the cover: Since there is no picture for this review, I'll try to describe it. The stand-out image is a wide-eyed black cow with a tan snake on its head as if they were horns? Across from the cow, sits a small red devil perched upon a green mound of Jell-o. Behind it all is a blue sky spotted by white clouds. In the upper left corner is a large coil spring as if to hint at its shocking content. WARNING: There are a couple a swear words (the "B" and "S" words - smiles) and some adult content, so I would caution you for young children.
Produced in 1986 for Sire Records catalog #9 25674-2
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