ChriseyB's Full Review: Twisted Christmas by Bob Rivers Comedy Corp
A couple of weeks back, I decided to take part in a write-off today about favorite Christmas albums. When I heard the topic, I knew without hesitation what my favorite album was and what I would write. So without any further delays, my favorite Christmas album of all time is none other than Twisted Christmas by Bob Rivers.
Twisted Christmas is not your typical Christmas album. (As if you could not tell by the title.) While it does have traditional Christmas music, the songs and lyrics are nowhere near normal. The reality is that Twisted Christmas by Bob Rivers is a comedy album made just for those demented souls (like me) for the holiday season.
To give you an idea of what exactly these songs are, I am going to give you the track listings as well as the music they are sung to and one or two lines of the lyrics. Are you ready for some chuckles? Well, here goes:
1. The 12 Pains of Christmas: This is sung to the traditional 12 Days of Christmas. While I am sure many can make crazy lyrics, here are the ones Bob Rivers came up with: “The first thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me is finding a Christmas tree.”
2. The Chimney Song: There is no traditional background music for this song; however, it is funny because it is sang by a “child” who is waiting up for Santa. Of all the songs on this album, this is one of my favorites. Sample lyrics are: “There’s something stuck up in the chimney and I don’t know what it is, but it’s been there all night long. Well I waited up for Santa all Christmas night, but he never came and it don’t seems right and there’s something stuck up in the chimney and I don’t know what it is but I wish you a Merry Christmas.”
3. We Wish You Weren’t Living With Us: This is sung to the traditional music of We Wish You A Merry Christmas. I must have admit, it is a great song to have on repeat play when you have unwanted houseguests. Sample lyrics are: “We wish you weren’t living with us, we wish you weren’t living with us, we wish you weren’t living with us—we’re not happy you’re here!”
4. Wreck The Malls: This is a rock and roll demented version of Deck The Halls. With its electric guitar music, some sample lyrics are: “Wreck the malls this Christmas season, fa la la la la la la la la. Spend your cash for no good reason, fa la la la la la la la la.”
5. A Visit From St. Nicholson: This is not a song, but rather a “nice” story in the same respect of the classic The Night Before Christmas. In this song, the narrator is talking about Jack Nicholson when all of a sudden old Jack speaks for himself, well at least a dead on impressionist. Some sample lines from this story are: “’Twas the fright before Christmas, no one up ‘cept me with a big bowl of popcorn watching TV. I stretched, gave a yawn, and settled back in my chair in hopes that St. Nicholson soon would be there.”
6. O Come All Ye Grateful Dead-Heads: This is song to the traditional O Come All Ye Grateful. This song is making fun of Grateful Dead fans. While I have no disrespect for Dead-Heads, here are some lyrics are: "O come all ye hippies. Throw backs to the 60’s".
7. I’m Dressin’ Up Like Santa: Like The Chimney Song there is no traditional music for this song. A man is singing about how he is dressing up like Santa Claus for Christmas. Read for yourself: “I’m dressin’ up like Santa Claus on Christmas—as soon as I can get out on parole.”
8. The Restroom Door Said ‘Gentleman’: This is another one of my favorite songs from this album. Sung to the song of God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman, this song is nowhere near religious. How could it be with lyrics likes this: “The restroom door said gentleman so I just walked inside. I took two steps and realized I’d been taken for a ride. I heard high voices, turned and found the place was occupied by two nuns, three old ladies, and a nurse. What could be worse than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse…”
9. Foreigner: While I do not particularly care for this song, I do have to list it since it is one of the tracks. I do not remember name of the traditional song it is song to, I will write a couple of lyrics: “Foreigners infiltrate our nation, foreigners take jobs from Americans. We want to be Americans, but we’re illegal aliens.”
10. Joy To The World: This is the traditional song minus the lyrics, but with a special bonus. It is done to classic rock. What I mean is that this song is done with electric guitars, synthesizers and such. While it does not have words, it does have an awesome beat.
11. A Message From The King: This is a little number with some light Christmas music in the background, but an actor talking like Elvis Presley describing what Christmas means. While it is not all that long of a track, it is amusing to listen to. A sample line is: “And Christmas means eatin’!”
So, folks, if you are looking for a Christmas album that is slightly traditional but more hysterical, check out Twisted Christmas* by Bob Rivers. While my family thinks I am insane every time I play this (and as if my Epinions page didn't say enough about me...*grin*), they also get a kick because they realize increasingly each year just how kick back I really am. If you want to laugh this holiday season, just listen to some Twisted Christmas—of course, this I just my Epinion…
This Epinion is part of a write-off on Favorite Christmas Albums. To see a list of participants, check out my Epinions page with links to the writers participating…
*This CD can be purchased at most music stores and is on sale right now at CDNow.com for $12.99 for CD and $9.49 for cassette tape.
Epinions.com periodically updates pricing and product information from third-party sources, so some information may be slightly out-of-date. You should confirm all information before relying on it.
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