Blondie is, without a doubt, one of the greatest rock bands of all time. I can put on their records and listen for hours on end, blasting the disco beats of signature tune Heart of Glass and enjoying the softer vocals on more obscure tracks like Follow Me. When I started seeking out Blondie's catalogue, one of the cheapest releases was Remixed, Remade, Remodeled - The Remix Project, which I purchased the same day I bought the previous remix album Once More Into the Bleach. The difference between the two is that Bleach is smartly packaged 80s dance pop that chose a great balance of Debbie's solo work with Blondie's classics, remixing tracks while keeping the core of original song the same. On the other hand, RRR is a disgrace to my ears, to Blondie's music, and to Blondie themselves. I'm unsure who was at the reigns for this release, but just looking at the spine sitting in my CD collection makes me want to physically wretch.

So, I like dance music. I'm really into 80s disco and the works of Madonna and Giorgio Moroder. Queen. What I loathe, though, is what happened to dance music in the 1990s. Shortly after the upbeat newjack swing era ended in the early 90s, it was replaced by a generic house sound that served only as a way to ruin any song's potential merit. This sound was capitalized by groups like Aqua, 2Unlimited, and Ace of Base. And while it had its moment, it has no place on a Blondie album. For those who do not know what 90s house music sounds like, it's just an awful mess. We have stupid club beats that sound like they came directly from your friend's Casio keyboard, mixed with lame piano breaks and rave sound effects. What this results in is horrible to begin with; but when you take some of the best rock n roll tracks of the late 70s and early 80s, you get a product that makes me want to snap the disc in half.

First off, let's break down the track list. At first glance, it's not too bad. Heart of Glass, Atomic, Rapture, Call Me. Songs that, if you were to remix Blondie, you'd seek out. The problem, though, is that in the 1990s, remixes died. Rather than building upon what was already there and making something new, 90s remixes were just house-loops on repeat for seven minutes with the original chorus repeated. Basically, rather than hearing the original song, what you're going to hear is a sound byte from Debbie Harry on constant, droning replay, overlapped by the same club beat found on any 90s remix maxi single. After hearing the monstrosities on the Union City Blue remix single, I'm amazed that I had some hopes for this CD. I grew up listening to this house sound in the 90s, but it just doesn't fit with Blondie's vibe. All the original instrumentation is 100% gone. Really, this has little to do with Blondie. It has some bleeps and bloops from Debbie Harry, but there's a severe lack in presence from the other band members. I think it's bad enough that rock/punk purists hate this album, but the fact that a dance-fan hates it as well... that just says a lot about this project.

The absolute worst, though? I can't even divide this album into bad and good. There's nothing good about it. I don't even want to give it 1 star because I hope this CD becomes forever out of print. The real travesty is that I could barely rate each individual remix because they all. sound. the. same. And what is going on with the mix of Fade Away and Radiate from 1977's Parallel Lines? It has no place on a remix CD at any time. The original track is heavy, yet sparse. It creates a very somber mood on the record. Here, though, it has 0 credibility.

After the poison of this record, I recommend hearing Once More Into the Bleach, which is a lot more accurate of how remixing should sound. First off, you need to include more than the chorus. Hell, you need to include more than just one line on repeat. BUT, if you are going to remix the entire track, then don't slow it down or sped it up to unlistenable proportions (cough Dreaming remixes cough). Secondly, I'd like to hear more than just a poorly-sampled vocal track from Debbie. Blondie had some great instrumentation, and I'd like to hear it. Thirdly, how about you chose more than just a few songs to remix. I mean, the CD is just a gigantic loop.

TRACK LIST & SCORING
Heart of Glass (Richie Jones Club Mix) (1 Star)
Dreaming (The Sub-Urban Dreaming Mix) (1 Star)
One Way or Another (Damien's Supermarket Mix) (1 Star)
Atomic (Diddy's 12" Mix) (1 Star)
Rapture (K-Classic Mix) (1 Star)
The Tide is High (Sand Dollar Mix) (1 Star)
Call Me (E-Smoove's Beat Vocal Mix) (1 Star)
Dreaming (Utah Saints Mix) (1 Star)
Atomic (Armand's Short Circuit Mix) (1 Star)
Fade Away and Radiate (108 BPM Mix (1 Star)

OVERALL SCORE: 1 Star

Recommended: No