TheAnimalChin's Full Review: Static Age by The Misfits (Punk)
Lemme see if I can distill my opinion of the Misfits into a single sentence. Got it: they single-handedly rekindled my love for punk rock. Sadly, I discovered them rather late in the game, only a year ago in fact. I was on Superchunk’s website, reading through one of Jon Wurster’s hilarious tour diaries, when I came upon a description of a band I had quickly dismissed as garbage after being pummeled by Danzig’s “Mother” 24-7 on MTV. Wurster’s words follow,
I had truly forgotten the sheer comic brilliance of Glenn Danzig's lyrics. For those of you unfamiliar with his oeuvre, imagine some of the absolutely catchiest pop songs you've ever heard hammered out by a marginally talented bunch of yabbos (I mean this in the best possible way) from Northern New Jersey and sung by perhaps the most gifted vocalist to emerge from the post-'77 punk scene. Oh, I forgot to mention the crucial ingredient in this recipe: some of the most hysterically horrific and gruesome prose that mine ears have ever heard (www.superchunk.com).
So highly I value the ‘Chunk’s advice that the next time I found myself in a record store, I decided to take the plunge and buy a Misfits’ CD. As Wurster had quoted from two of the Misfits’ songs, “All Hell Breaks Loose” and “We Bite,” I decided to buy a CD that had either of those tunes. “Walk Among Us” was not available so “Earth AD” it was. I went home, played the sucker, and was not unsatisfied with the results, although I already had Minor Threat and GI albums, so I wasn’t especially impressed with Glenn and the boys’ ghoulish version of hardcore. A glutton for punishment, I went back and bought another Misfits’ CD, the one I am writing about now, “Static Age.”
After listening to those first chords and Danzig screaming “static…static,” Mr. Wurster’s words started making complete sense.
This album is, frankly, the money. Sure, a lot of people will tell you that “Walk Among Us” is a better album. Maybe it is, its pretty good too, what with such gems as “I Turned into a Martian,” “Astro Zombies,” and “All Hell Breaks Loose” (containing the immortal line, “I send my murdergram/to all them monster kids/and it comes right back to me/signed in their parent’s blood”). But for me, “Static Age” is THE Misfits’ album. True, you can get most of the songs elsewhere, “Legacy of Brutality” and “Collections I and II” but here they’re in their original form, the tracks that Glenn, Jerry, and the boys laid down on the graveyard shift in 1978.
Question: Are all good albums recorded between midnight and six? Pocky for Kitty was, and I believe Spiderland was as well.
Nonetheless, “Static Age” sounds like no other punk album recorded at that time. While most of Danzig’s brethren struggled with the recording process, sounding inexperienced (i.e., Germs) or inept (i.e., Eater) or both, the Misfits sound like a great band, fully aware of their imperfections (see Wurster’s comment above) and ready to rock the house. The first track, “Static Age” is more of a chant than a song and if nothing else, paves the way for the next number, “TV Casualty,” in which Danzig actually attempts a Prince Namor reference (Niice). That alone convinced me that this was a great album. The last verse of the song strengthened my convictions:
Babies in prison, they call it a womb
Nine month sentence, no parole
Slivers of steel, stuck in your lungs
Breath deep, we need a donor for blood
Dang man, who does this guy think he is? I was laughing aloud as I listened to the song for the first time. But I had no clue really, because then Danzig and company moved into their power alley and proceeded to blow me away with their next four numbers, “Some Kinda Hate,” “Last Caress,” “Return of the Fly,” and “Hybrid Moments.” That folks, is the best eight minutes (or so) of punk I’ve heard since I put on the Clash’s first album sophomore year of high school. Catchy and melodic (if slightly monolithic), all four of these songs could be my favorite cut from the album, depending on when you asked me. “Some Kinda Hate,” perhaps a sly reference to the Velvet Underground’s “Some Kinda Love,” contains the immortal line, “maggots in the iron lung won’t copulate.” Say what? Then comes “Last Caress” with its doo-wop stylings and demonic charm:
I’ve got something to say
I killed a baby today
And it doesn’t matter that much to me
As long as its dead
When Danzig shouts out, “one last caress,” tell me you don’t get chills. This guy can flat out sing. “Return of the Fly” revisits Danzig’s fascination with flies (mentioned in “TV Casualty”). This time, however, he simply shouts out the actors and actresses in Vincent Pryce’s black and white classic. Finally, the long, strange trip ends with “Hybrid Moments,” which, in my opinion, contains one of the best riffs on the album. Listen and learn, kiddies.
The chaos rages on, and we learn of teenagers from Mars, whose only wish is to inseminate “little girls/in the middle of wet dreams” and Jackie Kennedy, who faces a similar situation after having witnessed the assassination of her husband. This song, “Bullet,” definitely points the way to “Earth AD,” with its slightly hardcore sound. The album ends with two equally classic songs, “She” and “Spinal Remains.” Allow me to quote from “She:”
She comes in with empty arms, machine gun in her hand
She is good and she is bad, and no one understands
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