As with my previous Yard Sale review, I first put on The Cardigans's debut record through my osmosis method; this was an utter failure, because at least 80% of it rubbed me the wrong way and distracted my thinking process. As previously stated in my Shawn Colvin review, I'm back into Tomb Raider. Let's just say that this time again, Lara spent a lot of time plunging too her doom at the hands of a cutesy rock-pop band with an annoyingly pretentious attitude and an even more annoying sound. In the mid-90s, this Swedish ensemble released their third record First Band on the Moon, yielding some surprising success in the United States. I remember the lead vocalist having very cutesy vocals and the band having a nice disco/rock blend. Thus, when I spotted this disc shoved amongst about two hundred CDs sitting on someone's front lawn, I added it to the stack in my hands and went on my merry. It's been a few weeks since then, and I finally decided to give it a few spins, and at this point, I'm amazed I didn't snap the CD in two.

I was told by many people that The Cardigans were a force to be reckoned with...granted, they have a very unique and distinct sound, but not really one I'd care to hear again. First Band on the Moon is a blend of mid-90s rock music and lullabies, with only a few select moments that are enjoyable. To get it out of the way, Lovefool, the record's biggest single, is still an amazing pop song. It was the only reason I picked up a copy of the CD, and the catchy 70s-vibe I get from this song is great. The lyrics are clever, and the lead singer's vocals are soft and delicate. Tell me you've never felt this way: "Say you that love me / Lead me! Lead me! / Say that you need me [...] I don't care if you really care as long as you don't go..." If you're hitting rock bottom, but still want a nice groove, this is the track for you. Unfortunately, not much else is enjoyable. The overall sound this band had in the 90s (and could possibly still have-- I don't really care) is like a warped and off-key version of Sixpense None the Richer...or Hole overdosing on sugar instead of cocaine. There's a grating over-production that does them no favors, and the drums sounds like absolute crud. They hit so high that they sound of a rock song through an cell phone speaker. The guitars are fluttery and never play much of anything straight through, rather they are weird plucks and twangs, starts and breaks, stop and go's that irk me to no end.

This wouldn't be the end of the world were this record not so damn repetitive. After a while, each track blends together, and even the songs themselves loop to the point of inducing migraines. The clattering mess of Step on Me and the horrific lullaby Great Divide are prime examples of how to kill a nice melody. The first time you hear their choruses, it's nice...the seventeenth time? You just want to kill them. Losers has pleasantly soft verses that use what sounds like a marimba (or water-filled glasses) in the background, but the chorus is irksome. The lead's cutesy vocals are sharp, but the mastering on the music itself is so terrible that it ruins any effect (outside of annoyance.) The slow-songs tend to drag no matter what their length, and the fast-songs are just obnoxious. This album opens on Your New Cuckoo; it's got a bouncy feel and you get a nice glimpse of the lead's mischievous style. On the down side, it runs way too long...and it's only a four-minute track. The 60s-inspired feel is nice, but I just wish each instrument and vocal didn't fight each other, much like they all do at the end of Never Recover, which is probably one of the most annoyingly sunny pieces of popturd that has ever graced my ears. Happy Meal II is a sequel to another song from their older albums according to Wikipedia. Sequels are never as good as the originals, so maybe this obnoxiously drowsy and dreary track is part of something better.


...doubt it! Not if any of the other tracks on this album is an inidication of what they are like on other releases! I cannot effectively describe the headache on this album. Now where the hell is my Advil...

JUDGING
This was a very short review, because I can't take it anymore. Whenever I write a review, I always like to have the CD on in the background on repeat. This way I'm entirely emerged in the product. Unfortunately, I just can't keep listening to the grating beats, stupid production, repetitive melodies, and pretentious feel of The Cardigan's First Band on the Moon. Was it worth the buck fifty I spent? Hell to the no.

01. Your New Cuckoo [1.5 Stars]
02. Been It [3 Stars]
03. Heartbreaker [2 Stars]
04. Happy Meal II [2 Stars]
05. Never Recover [1 Star]
06. Step on Me [1.5 Stars]
07. Lovefool [4.5 Stars]
08. Losers [2.5 Stars]
09. Iron Man [2.5 Stars]
10. Great Divide [.5 Stars]
11. Choke [2 Stars]

OVERALL SCORE: 2 STARS (2.09-)

Recommended: No