mikeyspeaking's Full Review: Oops!... I Did It Again by Britney Spears
Let's get serious for a moment. At this point, when I click on the radio, I say a silent prayer to that big guy in the sky. "Dear God, please don't abandon me in the middle of this car with another Britney single." Thankfully, the benevolent lord above can calculate the high risk of mass death and destruction at the hands of a careening death-mobile with a dead body at the wheel in 8 lanes of traffic. P.S.: This means that I committed suicide after having heard that god-forsaken jingle. "Oops! I did it again!"
If the action done by Britney deserving of an "Oops" is that of releasing an album that sold like Yellowstone brushfire, then "oops" isn't the word. The word, Britney dear, is "Sorry world."
Before I continue, here's a track list for those six of you that even read this:
1. Oops!... I Did It Again
2. Stronger
3. Don't Go Knockin' On My Door
4. (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction
5. Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know
6. What U See (Is What U Get)
7. Lucky
8. One Kiss From You
9. Where Are You Now
10. Can't Make You Love Me
11. When Your Eyes Say It
12. Dear Diary
NOT TO BUY. Think about it, I'm 5 years late with this review, but out of sheer random anger and boredom without an outlet, I decided to critique a BRITNEY ALBUM. Just to say how poor it really was. But many may wonder why I continuously make funny analogies and exaggerated humorous situations instead of being serious about the issue. So, I'll really get serious this time.
Britney Spears is the paradigm teenage girl with a dream who found a decent vocal coach and had an increasingly tight butt. Mickey Mouse Club proved this. How many MMC stars became nothing but acts who simply sang strangers' lyrics to the music and beats of an intuitive, hardworking producer? Oh, yeah. ALL OF THEM. This leaves Britney off at age 12. Or something. Now, she had a career set up, especially after "Hit Me Baby One More Time". Alright, she's a cute girl. GIRL. GIRL. Not woman, girl. Dressed in Japanese porn fetish attire. Good thinking, because sex sells. But lack of talent, that catches up to many, unfortunately. Including Britney, as we have all seen. This is no prophecy. We saw this coming.
Britney's voice was good ENOUGH. Paired with a body so sexy it befuddled us all, the voice sounded that much better. But then we listen to the album. Many of us, just too stupid to crawl through the slop of the cheeseball beats and cut straight to the talent evaluation, smiled and tossed out our cash and our praise like cheap Top 40 sluts. But some of us were smarter, and by virtue of the fact that there were MILLIONS of these, a few of us happened to be at a friend's house listening to Nirvana or Pearl Jam or some decent rock, when some weird zips, zaps, bumps, bangs and other assorted noise cut through the beauty of our tunes. Then, with a "sweeeeet" doppler affect that succeeds only in making me frown, we heard Britney belting out "Oops I..." I...I...can't even finish. Then we were so angry that by the time we finally calmed down, the track WE were actually listening to was already over. So then WE sat down and WE wrote these reviews.
The hits: oops, stronger, lucky--these were catchy, and why not? They had cute hooks, catchy beats, and Britney sang them! But not everything that's catchy is good. Too often, people tend to falsely associate these two characteristics by default--or maybe out of sheer ignorance. Overall, thumbs down. I mean, okay, I admit that they had you singing along once in a while when you forget you could actually change the station, but they're just exhibitions of serious themes (infidelity, struggles of fame, heartbreak) treated through the music as trivial matters worth taking lightly. WRONG. People write beautiful poems on this stuff. Stop ruining it.
I almost feel that there's no real reason to continue, other than to acknowledge something I find mildly important--only because I'm a softy. Okay, so you might argue that, like any musician or artist, Britney is just "expressing herself," and that it would be ignorant of me to discount that as a factor to be considered when looking at this album. Fine, you win. There you go, I've considered it! (man, that kind of hurt my head!)
I simply don't find this album worth purchasing. It's necessary in deciding on a purchase to calculate not only the cost benefit, but the cost compared with the overall potential benefits of the album for the listener. Music is therapeutic; it's moving; it's company for any mood. Britney's moods in this album don't play out as REAL. So, relating to something that's not real becomes rather difficult. If I needed to "escape" through the fantasy of music, I'd buy 'Dark Side of the Moon'. Also, I detest pop stars that take classics or even classic titles and use them on their album. Even with their permission (which I unfortunately would have to fault the bands for), its still defamation, ultimately. But sometimes, business supercedes the music. Case in point: "(I can't get no) Satisfaction".
Dear Diary: One song I found almost swallowable. It's mellowing, in a way, and the lyrics are a glimmering beacon of hope for future songwriting endeavors. Don't misapprehend me, though. "Glimmering" is an overstatement. More like "barely shining".
But I feel magnanimous enough at this point to allow this tirade to end here. Britney's a pop icon; a model for teenie boppers everywhere. She's worked with some talented producers, as evidenced by the catchy beats--some of them even considerably quality sounds. But her lyrics, voice, and image just don't match. Her lyrics often promote a serious tone, but her voice belies that theme, and her image aids only in trivializing many of the otherwise serious emotional issues she works with in her songs. But, its more the image than anything that works in pop music. Rating its sellability: HIGH. That's life, that's the way it works. Rating its overall talent and quality: LOW. As I said from the get-go: LET'S GET SERIOUS. Alright, I'm done with this. I'm gonna go listen to some Christina :-P (cue punchline drums!)
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