Rating Point #1: yes I used a wrestling reference in my title, so sue me
Rating Point #2: yes I used all my good lines in my Linkin Park review
Rating Point #3: yes I love playing up the King of Rock thing...oh, and this is dedicated to the Princess of Pop, kristinafh.

I've heard about Nickelback for some time now. This kid who lives in Vancouver, Canada, where Nickelback were formed in the mid 90s, has been singing their praises for months now in the Pearl Jam newsgroup. I mean, to give this kid credit, he really likes this band (yeah, so ALL Pearl Jam fans don't have good taste outside of PJ), and was ranting and raving about them LONG before How You Remind Me crossed over enough times it made you think of old school Tim Hardaway back when he was a good basketball player. What follows is a mock conversation that would happen if we actually sat down on AIM and discussed Nickelback, as well as their newest release, Silver Side Up. I've changed his name to protect the ignorant.

Bob: Dude, you have to check out this band from up here in Canada, they rock, and they rule.

Matt: OK, what's their name?

B: Nickelback. They just released their third album, Silver Side Up, although most people think they only have two albums out. It has that How You Remind Me song on there.

M: Oh, that's who sings that song? It wasn't so bad the first million times that rock, AAA, top 40, and pop stations played it, but the next 5 million were a little too much for me.

B: Now Matt, you know as a Pearl Jam fan that you can't judge a band by their radio singles. Remember Last Kiss, and all the wonderful posts about it in the newsgroup?

M: *shiver* True. Maybe I'll give it a shot.

TWO WEEKS LATER

B: Dude, did you listen to it yet?

M: Yeah, I've had it for two weeks. Apparently no one knows they sing that song because the library had it available with no wait.

B: I don't think so man, they did debut at #2 in the U.S..

M: *snickering* Yes, because the American record buying public knows good music. For god sakes man, Linkin Park was the best selling album of 2001 in America!

B: That's true. So what'd you think?

M: Honestly man, if you were gonna tell me to listen to cruddy arena rock, why didn't you just recommend the first Boston disc? At least 15 million other people have that and I wouldn't feel like a trendy jackass for having it in my hand.

B: Awww, come on man, it's not that bad. What didn't you like about it?

M: Well, let's take the first song, Never Again. It's recycled garbage. That bass line, that guitar riff, if you can even call it that, I've heard them both a million times on other band's albums. The lyrics are rather pointless and they try even harder than 3 Doors Down to sound cool. Talk about pathetic!

B: OK, points taken, but what about Woke Up This Morning? That song is cool!

M: Yeah, Woke Up This Morning is the best song on the record, although more by default than anything else. On a really good album, it would be one of the songs I would bash if I were to write a review.

B: Sheesh, you're hard to please. I already know what you think of How You Remind Me. But what do you think of the second single, Too Bad?

M: I think it's a pathetic attempt to stay commercial in the wake of the success of How You Remind Me. Chad Kroeger (lead singer) tries way too hard to sound pained or depressed or whatever. In any case, all he really sounds like is some whiny b*tch singing crappy lyrics.

B: OK, so what about the other songs?

M: The other songs are kind of like a early 90s Seattle Scene stew. At various points I hear Pearl Jam, Soundgarden and Alice in Chains. Hell, I even hear some Screaming Trees in places. Hollywood is the worst early era Soundgarden wannabe song I've ever heard in my life. Note to Ryan Peake: just because you try to sound like Kim Thayil doesn't mean you're as good as him. And a note to Ryan Vikedal: playing your drums loud does not make you Matt Cameron. You couldn't hold Matt Cameron's jock strap, so please stop trying to be the powerhouse drummer he is. Jackass.

B: Jeez man, I guess you REALLY don't like Nickelback.

M: Hey, did I say I was done? Where Do I Hide tries it's hardest to be a Zepplein like arena rock anthem, but it's so patently bad that the only people who are gonna be rocking out to this are the idiotic Backstreet Boys fans who think this is good rock music because How You Remind Me was cool.

B: OK, so what do you want to see Nickelback do?

M: You mean besides go away for a long time? I want Chad Kroeger to figure out how to sing, because his growl doesn't work. I want their guitarist (Peake) to stop trying to be someone he's not and actually come up with an original riff. And I want their drummer (Vikedal) to put away the Matt Cameron "You Can Be a Drummer Too" video and find his own style.

B: Dude, do you like ANYTHING about Nickelback?

M: Well, outside of the bass line on Never Again, their bass player (Mike Kroeger), isn't so bad. Oh yeah. I also love the fact that this sad excuse for a "rock" CD ends after only 39 minutes or so. Any longer and I think Beavis Band (Linkin Park) with their Beavis Boy lead singer would start to look good.

Recommended: No