I have found the song that defines our generation. A generation of rebels, who protest the oppressive hands of the establishment that governs them, and who fight back by doing… well, nothing.

Okay, so “The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything” may not be the slacker anthem that unites us all, but you gotta admit, it’s a darn amusing song for something that was basically written as a silly interlude for a cartoon show dedicated to telling children Bible stories. Such is the nature of the VeggieTales characters - designed for kids, but alarmingly popular with college students and young adults. Maybe we’re just easily amused.

Anyhow, when the movie Jonah hit the big screen this fall, a few Christian bands hopped on board to record their own takes on a few Veggie songs, both old and new, for the soundtrack. Most of the buzz surrounded pop/punk band Relient K, and their version of “The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything”, which was such an ideal fit given the band’s appeal among teenagers and the young at heart. Though the band promised a single with a rather amusing bonus track in August 2002, it took me until December to find it in stores (fittingly, I came across it in the children’s section of my local Christian store while my mom was browsing for Christmas videos to show to her preschool kids). Since it was only 2 bucks, I picked it up even though I had already heard “Pirates” - figured it would make a good stocking stuffer.

The CD single has two tracks, the first of which is The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything. Relient K blows through this number in a punkish two-and-ahalf minutes, as lead singer Matt Thiessen does his best pirate voice impression (complete with burping, spitting, and even a pet parrot) while he rattles off all of the things he’s never done, which get more ridiculous as the song goes on. The band does a great job keeping up with the chaos, and they managed to create something that’s going to haunt them in their live shows for the rest of their days (which is a long time; they’re a young band) due to having like 3 or 4 key changes over the course of the song. It’s completely pointless, which of course means it fits in perfectly alongside Relient K classics like “Charles in Charge”, “I’m Lion-O”, and “May the Horse Be with You”. And you gotta love the outro, where the original Veggies break in with their little polka routine.

Speaking of polka, Larry the Cucumber returns the favor by covering Relient K’s song Breakdown. I’m almost surprised that there isn’t a little announcement saying “And now it’s time for silly songs with Larry!” beforehand. It’s frightening how well this song works in Veggie mode, given that Thiessen wrote it about his “lousy excuse for a car” breaking down and leaving him frustrated. Though the song leaves out the moral of the story, it does include a humorous little spoken interlude in which Larry takes his car to the mechanic, who requires payment in the form of hot dogs, which of course leaves Larry to mangle the lyrics in the rest of the song. As far the music, Relient K’s pounding drums and guitars are replaced with whimsical accordions and so forth, but Larry does a hilarious job of mimicking the song’s little quirks and tempo changes. It’s one of those things that’s so stupid it’s funny - probably even more so when you’re a sleep-deprived college student taking a paper break at 4 AM.

The CD also has some fairly amusing trailers for the Jonah movie (and they included a QuickTime installer too!), though I should point out that nowhere in the trailers or the two songs would you be able to tell that the people involved in making this disc were Christians (no mention of God or anything, unless of course you know ahead of time that Jonah is a Biblical character). Not that it matters - pretty much everyone who’s gonna see it knows the deal with VeggieTales, and given how well most “Christian movies” do, it was probably better just to use comedy as the main drawing point. It’s harmless fun, and you could do a lot worse for 2 bucks.

(Oh, and if you can’t find the single, or you’re just one of those music pirates who don’t buy anything, try looking up Relient K at mp3.com.)

Relient K is:
Matt Thiessen: Lead vocals, guitars
Matt Hoopes: Bass, vocals
Brian Pittman: Guitars
Dave Douglas: Drums, vocals

Relevant Websites:
http://www.relientk.com
http://www.bigidea.com
http://www.jonahmovie.com

Great Music to Play While: Not doing anything.


Recommended: Yes