Radiohead are one of the most "impossible" bands that ever existed. Trying to describe their music is much like trying to describe a dream. But unlike a dream, Radiohead appear in a form very real and tangible to the ears. And not all of these dreams are of the "drifting in a peaceful delirium" type. Many of these are dreams of crashing cars, falling, being eaten alive, fights at weddings, and houses falling into the sea.

If this all sounds a little weird to you newcomers, that's okay -- it's supposed to. Radiohead's music is not the kind that happily joins you under the covers on the first date. If you want to build a relationship with this music you better be ready for a commitment! 'Cause I can almost promise you won't like this one on the first listen. Even we Radiohead fans don't expect to like it the first time around.

The first time I listened to Hail To The Thief, I remember thinking, Okay, these guys have completely lost it. But I persevered, recalling how I had once thought the same thing about OK Computer (which, for what it's worth, is the last Radiohead album I bought before this one).

This is a far different album (and perhaps more easily digestable in places) than OK Computer was, as is made abundantly clear by the first two songs. "2 + 2 = 5" is a hasty, noisy number that explodes suddenly in the middle -- You have not been... PAYING ATTENTION, PAYING ATTENION, PAYING ATTENTION!!! Always sounded more like "meditation" to me, but that's Thom Yorke for ya.

If the beginning of "Sit Down, Stand Up" sounds familiar, that's because it is. It's the same music that plays in the movie Big when Josh makes the wish on the Zoltar machine. Go ahead and listen to the two back to back and tell me I'm wrong. To the untrained ear they would sound identical (though of course they are not). Anyway, much like the first song, this one cuts loose into a rhythmic refrain of The raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops (that part ALWAYS gets stuck in my head), tossing in a skipping drum sequence later on.

"Sail To The Moon" is Karma Police meets Subterranean Homesick Alien, and has an interesting ending -- Maybe you'll be president but know right from wrong, or in the flood you'll build an Ark and sail us to the moon. Meanwhile, "Go To Sleep" has Thom Yorke sounding like Neo when the liquid metal covers him and goes down his throat, but also features the great Colin Greenwood fingering some sweet guitar licks that would make John Mellencamp seethe with envy. The album's cohesive quality is enhanced by the presence of the occasional "table wiper", a short song like "The Gloaming" or an odder than odd concoction such as "Where I End And You Begin" with erratic whistling guitar notes swirling out of control. These more or less serve to "wipe the table" before the next course is served.

"There There" is by far the catchiest thing Radiohead have put out since "Street Spirit (Fade Out)". The beat is almost too "sexy" for a band such as this, but that doesn't bother me. Chances are (especially if you're already familiar with it via airplay) you'll warm up to this one pretty quickly. But even still, this song gets better with every listen.

"A Punchup At A Wedding" is the kind of song that makes perfect musical sense once you know what's coming. Then you wonder, well why didn't I hear it that way the first time? Even more baffling is, how does the composer know it's going to work out that way? Maybe, there is a link between music and precognition. But I'll spare you my freakish notions...

Hail simply would not be Hail without the song "Myxomatosis". Here we have a fuzzy bassline bringing up the front, and a complicated yet creepily muted drumming sequence making great use of the cymbals. The bass sounds sort of like a constipated wasp, but it's still a fun listen through and through. Just make sure you know this song is coming before you misinterpret the line as "I've got mix on my toesies."

Some of Hail's most powerful moments are also the quietest. "I Will", a shorter song, has you thinking that you're about to get a sugary sweet ballad... for about the first three seconds. Then it brings in the clouds and tosses a Finding Nemo message out -- "I won't let this happen to my children. Meet the real world coming out of my shell."

"We Suck Young Blood" brings in this mental image of an abandoned graveyard. A very procrastinated clapping in the background keeps the rhythm moving in what may just be the most dawdling song ever recorded. Then, as if to take us into the last moments of a life, the song escalates into a depressed piano-laden shower of bloody musical terror, before dropping the curtains and leaving Yorke's coarse, cracking voice to finish the segment. Why would they record something like this? Just ask Ricky Fitz -- Because it's beautiful.

Although there might be a few songs here and there that are not the most memorable, I've yet to hit the skip button in over a dozen spins. And I get the feeling that the ones I remember the least will be the ones that bring back the most vivid memories a year or two down the road. They are the ones that set a kind of atmosphere in the room; they attach themselves to you without your realizing it. In the long run, Hail To The Thief is far greater than the sum of its parts. It is a journey, a living breathing germ that will never leave you. All you need is the patience to listen long enough to catch it.

Other Radiohead reviews:
The Bends
OK Computer
Kid A
Amnesiac
Pablo Honey

Recommended: Yes