Have you ever heard a song on the radio that sounded similar to another song - maybe it had a similar melody, beat, chord structure, whatever - and you discovered that you could sing one song to the tune of the other? Do you delight in remixes that display a twisted sense of irony by completely altering the mood and style of a song to the point where the words and music sound ridiculous together?

If so, then this album might be for you. Of course, that's assuming that (a) you're a Christian, (b) you like the majority of what you've heard on Christian Hit Radio over the past ten years, and (c) you have $10 burning a hole in your pocket and you can't figure out how to spend it. Or, (d) you have an extremely warped sense of humor. That might get you through this disc with your sanity intact.

At first glance, you might be tempted to believe that Smash-Ups, an odd compilation disc from Sparrow Records that takes 21 hit Christian songs from the last decade and places them in a weird sort of celebrity death match by pairing the vocals of one song with the music of another, is an original idea. I thought this at first, and I actually thought it was a dumb idea, too. These, anybody with a keen ear and a decent version of ProTools could probably come up with such a thing. But then I realized that this sort of thing had been going on in the underbelly of the music world for years. Perhaps it was a joke, or perhaps it was a new way to squeeze the last drop of life out of a few dance floor hits, but in any case, some DJ's got the bright idea to mix two disparate songs - say, the latest hits from Eminem and Britney Spears and mix them into a bizarre "mash-up" entitled something like "Oops! The Real Slim Shady Did It Again". Since these "mash-ups" were never legally sanctioned, the only way for their popularity to spread was on the Internet peer-to-peer downloading circuit. And apparently they spread like wildfire. In fact, I'd love to get my hands on some more mutilated versions of popular mainstream songs. I get off on this sorta thing.

Now it should be no surprise that the Christian music industry would take a mainstream trend and exploit it. However, I have to hand it to Sparrow Records and their affiliates for having a much quicker reaction time here. As far as I understand it, they're one of the first to do this legally, and while the concoctions featured on this Frankenstein of an album aren't going to appeal to very many people outside of the walls of CCM, it's frighteningly amusing to someone who's known and loved many of these songs for years. If you've ever had fantasies about Steven Curtis Chapman singing R&B or ZoeGirl going grunge, then you're gonna love this.

However, as clever of an idea as Smash-Ups may have been, it's still pretty obvious that this is a novelty disc at best. Not all of the songs fit well together - it's not so much due to disparate styles, but rather, there are many moments where it feels like someone at the mixing board got tired and said "Okay, I'm done", leaving a vocal track that was mixed too fast, a musical track that was slowed down way too much, a chorus or instrumental section that repeats for far too long when more effort could have been made to graft the subtle nuances of the two songs together, stuff like that. The record's low points arrive when vocals are shifted too far out of their original key, melodies that clearly don't fit the chord structure are warped in a half-hearted attempt to do so, or a song that should have never been recorded in the first place attempts to make a comeback and only ends up permanently tainting the song it's mixed with in the listener's mind. There are times when you almost wish the humor in mixing the two songs was intentional - but alas, everyone "plays nice" in Christian music, so this could not be so.

"Dive" vs. "Get Down" vs. "They All Fall Down"
The record starts off with a flash of brilliance, as the only track that dares to blend three songs instead of two is placed in the lead slot. Audio Adrenaline's massive hit "Get Down" has a bit of a hip-hop backbeat to it (as did many of their earlier songs), so it's not too alarming to hear the rap duo Grits spitting a few rhymes over it. The real curveball is thrown when a ghostly Steven Curtis Chapman drones out a verse of his song "Dive" - the melodies don't quite fit with each other, and yet the juxtaposition of three songs that all have to do with going "down" is admirable. Grits gets most of the airtime here, with SCC and Audio A's Mark Stuart battling it out in between. The song's only real weak point (other than the pitch-shifted SCC vocals) is when Audio A takes over for an entire verse - it just isn't interesting to hear such a long snippet of a single song uninterrupted by the other two.

"Colored People" vs. "Entertaining Angels"
This one was kind of a no-brainer - these two hits from the mid-90's were omnipresent on Christian radio, and they both have a pop-friendly bounciness and eerily similar tunes. The Newsboys' "Entertaining Angels" feels a little bit rushed as it picks up the pace to meet up with dc Talk's "Colored People", but the song structures intertwine almost perfectly with one another, only becoming somewhat less interesting when the Newsboys' chorus is repeated one too many times. Also, if you're looking for any sort of a profound message to result from the mixture of these two songs, you're bound to be disappointed - Toby Mac's rap verse and snippets of the chorus remains from the dc Talk original, but the admirable message of racial harmony has precious little to do with the Newsboys' joyous song of salvation.

"Tennessee Bwoys" vs. "You Already Take Me There"
Not this is more like it - two songs that honestly have no reason to ever be mentioned in the same breath collide for a satisfying alterna-rap feast. Once again, Grits has control of the mic, and they've apparently brought their favorite cheerleaders with them (this was somewhat annoying on the original "TN Bwoys" but it's perversely funny here), and just as they get revved up, Switchfoot's fuzzy guitars and bouncy drums come squealing in, making for an unlikely backdrop that you can't help but nod ya head to. The verses and chorus are timed perfectly here, and Grits dances all over the tune as if it was meant for them, right up to the sudden ending.

"God" vs. "One Time"
Track #4 is one of the first truly annoying moments on the record. The well-intentioned Rebecca St. James has one of her earnestly rocking classics set to the tune of Earthsuit's contagious breakout single here, and the combination is appropriate, since RSJ is a big fan of Earthsuit. But her song just doesn't fit well with the bouncy electro-reggae fest when Earthsuit gets relegated to the position of being her backup band. With the cajun-flavored chanting and rapping removed from the verses, they sound a whole lot less interesting, and Rebecca's tune isn't nearly as captivating when the chords underneath don't change with her melody. This song wears on for way too long, with CCM's poster-child for virginity sounding more and more uneasy as her song is mated to a partner whom she admires but would likely never marry.

"Pressing On" vs. "Yours"
Okay, now this mix is just flat-out ridiculous Whoever thought to combine these songs probably felt that the teenagers who are big fans of both Relient K and Toby Mac would find the mix of these recent hits endlessly amusing, but Toby's Kid Rock-style rapping and screaming is even more obnoxious when mixed with this otherwise engaging pop-punk track than it is on the original version of "Yours". To make matters worse, his first verse is offset from Relient K's song by part of a measure, so the delivery is just all wrong. The DJ's who put this album together come back to that trick a few times, and it rarely works. And if you thought the repeated "Don't get me started"s in Toby's original version were irritating, they'll irritate you more when you hear twice as many of them here. Somebody needs to tell him that indeed, his doo-doo does stink.

"Do Not" vs. "All Over Me"
So far, combining rap with alternative/modern rock seems to be the best bet for an enjoyable smash-up - here John Reuben goes head-to-head with the spacey modern worship of The Benjamin Gate. They probably could have done that for an entire album, and it would have had a lot more repeat play value. (Though it's painfully obvious that Grits and John Reu were the only legitimate rappers that Sparrow could get permission to mangle here.) The Ben Gate's song gets decently slowed down here, and John Reu still has to be sped up a bit to keep the beat, but I have to admit, the catchy tune provides a good rhythm for him to rap to. The stellar female hook from Reuben's original is carried over to this version, which helps the song to keep the feminine but aggressive nature of "All Over Me" despite the complete absence of singer Adrienne Liesching.

"Jesus Freak" vs. "Dismissed"
Now this is the one you've all been waiting for - the moment of twisted genius sent to reminds us that Christians can have a clever sense of humor when they want to. While I miss the muted intro of dc Talk's omnipresent career hit "Jesus Freak" (it's replaced by Toby Mac saying "yeah" and the heavy guitars kicking in immediately), it's nothing less than a total treat to hear how well ZoeGirl's defiant diss to would-be playaz gets made over, mid-90's grunge style. It shouldn't work, but it does - the verses and chorus fit perfectly despite the fact that the ladies' voices are all but drowned in the wall of noise. A few of Toby's white-boy rapper interjections and Kevin Max's now-famous "oh-oh"s are the only vocal contributions you'll hear from dc Talk here (boy, did Tait get the shaft!), but I have to say that I'm pleased with the combination of ZoeGirl's R&B-savvy teen pop and the rap-rock antics of dc Talk. I've heard that ZoeGirl might play with rockier textures in the future, and this proves that it might actually work well for them, even if it's an extreme example.

"Shine" vs. "Tonight"
One of the newest songs to be featured on this project takes on a Christian rock classic as rap-rockers Pax217 give the Newsboys a little roughing up. Looking back, the production values of Christian rock have come quite a ways since 1994, and John James's voice sounds a little thin over Pax's jumpy reggae-rock (this may have had something to do with more of that pitch-shifting business), but it's fitting to hear the quirky Steve Taylor-penned verses replacing what once was a bouncy rap verse. They even moved the word "shine" in the song's chorus so that it would fall where the second syllable of "Tonight" falls in Pax's song. Not a bad effort, though it suffers the same fate as the Newsboys' other song did when its chorus repeats one too many times.

"Live Out Loud" vs. "River"
At this point, the novelty is really wearing thin. Somehow, it's not as much fun to hear popular CCM songs mashed together when one of the songs isn't a punchy modern rock number. Steven Curtis Chapman makes his R&B singing debut here, and he sounds extremely out of place with his vocals syncopated to fit with the girly dance pop of Out of Eden's "River" (which is one of my favorite songs by the group). This just seems like a recycled idea after SCC's similar-sounding "Dive" was more successfully integrated into an urban setting, because the resulting clash of sounds does neither artist justice. Setting male vocals to girly pop music might have worked better if it had been done with more irony - say, a modern rock song with more seriousness and gravity, but once again I feel like the label was too "nice" to do anything that would come off as poking fun at any of their artists.

"Who's in the House" vs. "Even If"
The album's last track is a joke straight from CCM hell. I'll make no bones about loving the ZoeGirl song that gets used as the musical backdrop here - it's a bright, glossy, and yet solid dance track that was a definite highlight on their last album, and here it gets completely torn apart as an old Carman song is brought back from the grave to accompany it. I'm sure that this is similar to the RSJ/Earthsuit mix in terms of Carman being a fan of ZoeGirl and even helping them get their start, but once again, this isn't very flattering to either artist. Even though I've grown to realize that Carman's music is total cheese no matter what genre he's attempting, I honestly don't remember "Who's in the House" being this bad. Unless you like your raps delivered with an Italian mobster accent and all the eloquence of your average bumper sticker, I'd leave this one alone. It gets even worse as it goes, with Carman sounding genuinely strained as he yells "Who's in the house?" and his buddies respond enthusiastically, "J.C.!" And did I hear the words "Hey homie" in the background? Was that in the original or was it thrown in to cause me added pain? Either way, the cold silence that follows the final beat of this song is a strong dose of sweet mercy.

I haven't quite decided if the good outweighs the bad on this bizarre disc or not - but I have the sneaking suspicion that even the good will become tiresome before too long, simply because one cannot enjoy these mixes without having first enjoyed at least one of the original songs from which each track was derived. It's an eclectic mix of songs, and I genuinely love a good 19 or 20 of the originals, but I'm betting that's a higher percentage than your average CCM fan, who is gonna have as tough of a time stomaching the rap, rock, and pop together here as they do on the perennial Sparrow samplers that come out every summer. This disc would've worked better if it had been more adventurous instead of just including a lot of no-brainer radio hits, and if the DJ's had put a little more work into truly making two songs one instead of just letting the vocals from one run rampant over the music from the other and hoping for the best in most cases. A little more planning, a little more cooperation from affiliated labels, and a few more moments of twisted brilliance in choosing which songs to "smash up" would benefit the label greatly should they ever attempt a second volume. (I admit, I'll be first in line to give it a listen).

By the way, curious folks who think this idea is an interesting one, or who would simply enjoy the torture, can listen to clips of the album at the following URL:

http://www.sparrowrecords.com/artists/artist.asp?action=discography&id=52&album_id=288

(If you're clever, you might just figure out a way to get around the 30sec clips and listen to the full songs.)

ALBUM WORTH:
"Dive" vs. "Get Down" vs. "They All Fall Down" $1.50
"Colored People" vs. "Entertaining Angels" $1
"Tennessee Bwoys" vs. "You Already Take Me There" $2
"God" vs. "One Time" $0
"Pressing On" vs. "Yours"-$.50
"Do Not" vs. "All Over Me" $1
"Jesus Freak" vs. "Dismissed" $2
"Shine" vs. "Tonight" $1.50
"Live Out Loud" vs. "River" $.50
"Who's in the House" vs. "Even If" -$1
TOTAL: $8

Recommended: No

Great Music to Play While: Hanging With Friends