Hello class, Professor Rock here again. It's been quite a while since our last session, but I felt it was important to let the evil that is Hilary Duff sink in for you guys. Today, we're tackling another genre, a genre that admittedly Professor Rock doesn't dabble a whole lot in, which would be mainstream hip hop. So take your seats, class is now in session.

CHAPTER ONE: Intro

Today class, we are taking a look at Chingy's debut album, Jackpot. Thus far, it has been certified double platinum for shipments of 2 million units, which means it meets our first requirement: it has certainly hit the mainstream. He's from St.Louis like Nelly, but is actually a product of Ludacris. On Jackpot, there are 17 tracks, comprised of actual songs and skits. Now, let's move on to chapter 2, and really begin dissecting this album.

CHAPTER TWO: Forget Originality

Being original in mainstream hip hop isn't a necessity. While some rappers with true skill (read: Nas, Eminem, Jay Z) have put up huge sales figures, and other groups who push the limits of hip hop have become somewhat popular themselves (i.e. The Roots, Jurassic 5), the general public just wants something they can bob their head along to. A good example of this is Chingy's first single Right Thurr, which is a clear rip off of Nelly's 2002 blockbuster Hot in Herre. I don't know what's worse class, the cheesy female moans in the background, or the production from The Trak Starz. Besides not being original, it's important to try and show a 'clever' side. This comes in the form of the intro track that begins the disc, the sound of a slot machine being hit. Chingy, Jackpot, get it? You can't get more clever than that! This leads right into He's Herre, which is an excuse for Chingy to brag about what a 'pimp' he is. All together class: "uh huhhhhhhh, riiiiiiight."

Chingy continues to take the double 'r' thing to disc though, thanks to Wurrs My Cash, which isn't much better than the other songs with double r's in them.

CHAPTER THREE: The Guest Stars

Remember class, generic mainstream hip hop albums have to have something besides bad rapping and recycled 30 times over beats to draw a listener in. One of the things they try to do is load up an album with guest stars on various tracks. At least this way, you can hear someone else other than Chingy's untalented a*s rapping for a few seconds. Of course, when you have guest stars like Tity-Boi (as on the mind numbing Represent) or Nelly's contribution to unoriginal mainstream southern hip hop, Murphy Lee (who guests on Sample Dat A*s, a song that makes you wonder if Chingy is actually smart enough to have a hidden meaning in one of his songs).

CHAPTER FOUR: Get Snoop Dogg on one of your tracks

At this point, Snoop Dogg isn't so much a great rapper as he is a kind of Godfather figure in hip hop. That being said, it seems just about every generic hip hop album finds Snoop on one of the tracks, and Chingy is no different. Holidae In is yet another song about Chingy's seemingly never-ending search for p*ssy. Then again, if I were as untalented and ugly as him, I guess I'd be searching without much success too. About the only good thing about Holidae In is Ludacris' flow, although the lyrics make me wonder how many brain cells I lost while listening to it, brain cells I can never recover.

CHAPTER FIVE: Have a Production Team Not Change Things Up Much

If you're going to be a generic mainstream hip hop star, you need a production team behind you, and Chingy has this with the aforementioned Trak Starz, who produce all but one song on the record. Their beats lack much imagination, as they basically re-create the same beat with as little differentiation as possible. Remember, we're appealing to the general public, they aren't interested in things sounding anything different. This is the same general public who made 50 Cent a sales superstar.

CHAPTER SIX: Have Skits That Leave The Listener 'Laughing' At How 'Funny' It Is

The skit portion of hip hop records is perhaps the worst part of the generic mainstream hip hop genre, class. Jackpot the Pimp almost tries to sound like the radio broadcaster from the classic gang movie The Warriors, but without the class or cool that Lynne Thigpen brought to that role (and if you want a better way to spend your time other than listening to this album, that movie is a good f*cking idea). Ha ha, listen to Chingy talk about how he "eats, sleeps, and breathes p*ssy." Or you can listen to the inocuous Dice Game, which apparently is an excuse to make this sorry excuse for an album last just a bit longer. And then there's F*ck Dat N*gga which feels a lot longer than the minute and forty-five seconds it lasts.

CHAPTER SEVEN: Cash In Before the Next Generic Hip Hop Album Knocks Yours to the Cutout Bin

While the going is good, you got to cash in. After all, there's no point to becoming a generic mainstream hip hop artist unless you're gonna make some money doing it. Why sell your soul for free?

Well class, that concludes our look at the generic mainstream hip hop album. Please remember what you've learned, and please, don't buy this album. Your brain will thank you later.

Other lessons in the "Generic Album" series:

The Generic Post 90s Rock Album: Nickelback: The Long Road

The Generic Post Avril Teen Pop Album: Hilary Duff: Metamorphosis


Great Music to Play While: Wondering why God must mock us all by allowing Chingy to put out a record like this in the first place.


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