Bailiff; All rise, here yee here yee, court is now in session, the honorable Judge Filborn T, Filibuster presiding

Judge; Thank you Bailiff, you may proceed.

Bailiff; Thank you your Honor. Citation # B.S.-007-H.S., Maricopa County versus Mr Daumco, aka Old Man Metal, Donnie DBs and Li'l Bubba. The charges are as follows: The defendant knowingly and willfully violating the jurisdictions noise ordinance, disturbing the peace, creating a disturbance and hurling aspersive comments at the officers of the court.

Judge; And how does the defendant plead?

Daumco; Your honor, I am not guilty because I was not aware of the laws of which I'm supposed to have broken and therefore I cannot be held accountable for these alleged offenses.

Judge; Mr Daumco, If my memory serves me correctly you are serving sixty days probation for similar charges, is that not so?

Daumco; Well yes but that was a different album and by the way you have the Donnie DBs alias wrong. It's Donnie Debonair. It's your stupid deputies who started calling me Donnie DBs.

Judge; Well Mr. Daumco I wonder why? Could it be that you have been clocked on numerous occasions at over 100 decibels and whats more the law, as it is, is applied equally to all albums. So Mr. Daumco what do you have to say for yourself?

Daumco; You're right Judge. I change my plea to temporary insanity, this new album I bought, The Glorious Burden is so hot and it sounds so good that I had to keep turning it up because, as you know, I think the best music sounds better very loud and I just lost my head. If you happened to like Heavy Progressive Metal and you heard this album and knew how g-o-o-o-o-o-d it is, then you'd understand why it needs to be played loud.

Judge; As a matter of fact I do like some Progressive Metal music, I don't know about the heavy part.

Daumco; You do? I would have guessed you were a Montovani type.

Judge; That's called profiling and that's not kosher. What about you? You're no spring chicken. I would have thought you liked Barbra Streisand, Elvis Presley or Dean Martin.

Daumco; They're fine,...I didn't know you were Jewish. Actually, I've always been into Rock which progressed into (surprise) Heavy and Progressive Metal.

Judge; I'm not, it's just an expression. Anyway, that's all pretty much what you said about the last incident. What was that spectacular album?

Daumco; I didn't think you were Jewish since you have red hair but you never know. Other album? Oh, that was Ayreon - The Human Equation and it is spectacular but this is different. The Glorious Burden is by an American band, Iced Earth, and it's a tribute to warriors throughout history but mostly American history. So you see, I was really being very patriotic, I'm a very patriotic person. I even have a flag at my home.

Judge; Oh, I'm really impressed. Next Fourth of July you can climb to the top of Elephant Butte and play it as loud as you want. Now tell me about this fabulous historical or is it hysterical album.

Daumco; Don't laugh Judge this is a profound piece of work. Look at this packaging, isn't it Glorious in it's slip case and double CD digipack and look at this booklet. Isn't it something?

Judge; Very nice but you didn't go over a hundred DBs because of the CD case.

Daumco; No Judge, you're right. As you can see there are two discs, disc 1 has songs about everything from Attila the Hun to Waterloo, The Declaration of Independence and American Revolution through the World Wars to 9-11. It is remarkable but it's disc 2 that gets my blood circulating. It's an amazing thirty two minute composition about the Civil War in general and specifically the Battle of Gettysburg.

Judge; Now you've got my attention. I've always been a student of the Civil War ever since I found out my great great great grandfather, Heatcoate U. R. A. Killjoy, was involved. He was a newly landed immigrant who was paid a three hundred dollar bounty to take the place of some well heeled patrician or else be deported.

Daumco; That's terrible, sounds a little like what's going on today with ex soldiers being called up to active duty again and doubling others tours. Did he make it ok?

Judge; I hope so, I'm here aren't I. So tell me about the epic Civil War song.

Daumco; Well sure, but it's really three songs. The first is called "The Devil To Pay". It and all the songs were written by Bandleader/Guitarist Jon Schaffer. It starts with the playing of the Star Spangled Banner seguing into marching drums and the singer, Tim Owens (formerly of Judas Priest). At about the two minute mark the entire band and a bevy of guest musicians join in at a medium tempo for a full bombastic sound. This song covers the opening battle of Gettysburg. At the six minute mark we bridge into a version of When Johnny Come Marching Home, marking the death of Union calvary General Reynolds. There is a full orchestra through this portion of the song. At about ten minutes our original melody and medium tempo rock music resumes then ending in drums.

Next is "Hold at all Costs" which has some of the most interesting and unique percussion I've ever heard and it is certainly the highlight of this song which deals with, among other things that opposing generals, Generals Lewis A. Armistead and Winfield Scott Hancock, were fast lifelong friends before the war. Here are some sample lyrics:

"Just a mile or so away
Is my dearest friend in this world.
He wears the Blue and I the Grey
And God it hurts me so
The last time we were together I grabbed his hand and I pledged
If I ever draw my sword on you may the good lord strike me dead"

Next is the magnum opus, the tour de force, the crowning achievement, "High Water Mark". As with the previous song, drums play an important part starting with heavy double bass drums and equally heavy guitar leading into a symphonic/operatic sounding masterpiece depicting the final disastrous battle of Gettysburg. "High Water Mark" has varying tempos and intensities and everything comes together perfectly - the finis coronat opus. This is the song that was on when I was clocked at (gulp) 124 DBs

Sample lyrics:

Lee:
"It was very close, yesterday,
I thought for sure, they would break
But this attack, that I have planned
A massive strike across open land
In the center, they will break (will they break?)
But plan it well, everything's at stake
We'll hit em hard, not a silent gun.
Before the infantry's begun"

"Execute it well, we risk everything"
"It's in Gods hands now"

Longstreet:
"General Lee, I must tell you straight
I beleive this attack will fail.
No 15,000 men ever made,
Will overtake that ridge today
A mile charge over open ground,
With yankee cannon gunnin' us down"

Lee:
"We do our duty, we do what we must
And in my plan, you will trust"

Judge; Let me hear that.

Daumco; Are you sure, it's thirteen minutes long?

Judge; Yes, Yes, You've got me curious now.

Daumco Ah yes, Curious Judge

Observer; Daumco hands his discman too Judge Filabuster, who after placing the headphones on begins to tap his feet, then bounce up and down, then move his head back and forth slightly, ultimately bobbing and banging his head violently for ten minutes. Finally he takes the headphones off and after catching his breath scrutinizes Daumco and says "Your right, it does require a rather loud volume.........but that's no excuse, Two hundred dollars or five days in jail."

Epilogue

I'll bet you thought I was going to get off scott free, didn't you? Well I almost did. Judge Filibuster took my copy of The Glorious Burden in lieu of the fine and told me that if I ever came across any more albums that required extra loud volume for ultimate listening pleasure, he wanted to test them out personally.

Disc 1:

1 - The Star-Spangled Banner 1:13 ***
2 - Declaration Day 4:59 ****
3 - When the Eagle Cries 4:06 ****
4 - The Reckoning (Don't Tread On Me) 4:46 ****1/2
5 - Greenface 3:02 ***1/2
6 - Attila 5:36 ****
7 - Red Baron/Blue Max 4:05 ***
8 - Hollow Man 4:25 ***1/2
9 - Valley Forge 4:46 ****
10 - Waterloo 5:48 ****1/2
11 - When the Eagle Cries (Unplugged) 3:34 ****

Disc 2 - Gettysburg (1863):

1 - The Devil to Pay 12:13 *****
2 - Hold At All Costs 7:05 *****
3 - High Water Mark 12:35 ******

Author's Note:

I created this rather bizarre review for my two hundredth review. I hope you, my readers, had as much enjoyment reading it as I did writing it.


Recommended: Yes

Great Music to Play While: Driving