Don’t you love it when you go on a ruthless kick, and pick out every CD that you dislike intensely (cuz “hate” is too strong a word for a loving guy like me), just for the sheer satisfaction of ripping it apart in a review? Yeah… me too!

Hip-hop. It’s a strange genre of music-- well, for me anyway. I mean, you might’ve noticed that I’ve written somewhere around 130 reviews in music, and all of them have been focused mainly around rock/metal/indie bands, with the occasional diversion into electronica. There’s been not a dash of hip-hop in there at all. Hey, it’s not like I’m proud of that fact though-- I’d much rather be an all-genre encompassing music listener. But hip-hop/rap have always been the things that have consistently eluded me. I’d sit back and listen to hip-hop albums in high school, sometimes for hours on end (yes, particularly in my last year, I did _no_ work), fascinated by how these people could enjoy this stuff. Whenever I got a say as to what went in the stereo, it’d inevitably be rock. Just recently, though, this whole no hip-hop thing has been starting to annoy me. Spurred on by a couple of Epinions members, I went and snapped up the Roots’ album Things Fall Apart. It’s lying in my room somewhere right now, barely having been listened to. Honestly, I gave it an honest chance, played it through quite a few times, but there’s nothing there for me to get immersed in-- hopefully that’s just a temporary thing. Anyway, despite that disaster, I wasn’t ready to give up. I’d been hearing a lot about these guys called N.E.R.D. (a.k.a. Chad Hugo and Pharrell Williams, a.k.a. The Neptunes, two producers who seem to have covered every blade of grass-- production-wise-- in the hip-hop/pop arena), and had enjoyed their single “Rock Star” from way back. They had a new album out at around this time, mid-2004’s Fly Or Die. Here was probably my next move…

Once I’d heard Fly Or Die’s lead-off single “She Wants To Move” in a club one night-- and enjoyed it severely, mind-- my mind was almost made up that I was gonna pick this one up. Maybe it was the loudness of the music that night. Maybe it was the atmosphere on the dance floor. Maybe it was the amount of sweat and blood (well, maybe not that second one) that was getting tossed around. Whatever it was that I liked so much about the song, the next time I saw Fly or Die resting casually on a shelf, I thought ‘what the hell,’ and picked it up.

The first thing I noticed about the album was that, in attempting to snag myself a hip-hop album that I enjoyed, what I’d actually got was something more along the lines of slickly-produced rock with a hip-hop twist to it. The Neptunes are fairly innovative, and not content to explore just the one genre of music at a time. With their alter ego N.E.R.D. they’d apparently already crafted an album with a decidedly pop/rap/rock edge to it (2002’s In Search Of…), and here they go again with Fly Or Die. The slickly-produced part wasn’t a surprise to me (they’re producers, for crying out loud!), but the clear rock vibe of this album did catch me slightly off guard (well, a lot of it could be construed as pop fluff, but there’s a raw guitar sound frequently). I mean, “She Wants To Move” had that funky guitar riff, which suggested a more rocking feel, but I didn’t expect such a radical departure from the hip-hop side of things when I picked this CD up. Nevertheless, when I listen to this, I still feel like I’m listening to a hip-hop album, and that in turn makes me feel like I’ve broadened my horizons a little. Which I really shouldn’t be feeling anyway-- if you’ve looked at my rating, you’ll realise that I really don’t like it all that much at all!

For about the first week that I owned Fly Or Die, I thought I had a really neat little album on my hands, and was about ready to review it on here and give it four stars or something. Thank goodness I didn’t rush out a review, because the album has slowly decreased in quality for me since that first week. The over-produced nature of the whole thing annoyed me-- if there’s one thing you’ve got to expect from a couple of producers making an album, it’s over-production-- as there’s just too much of a slick gloss draped over all the drums and guitars and quirky beats. It also doesn’t age well. As soon as I had heard the CD about five times through, I’d heard it all. The music has no depth, just a glamorous surface; the lyrics are inane and juvenile on many occasions (and I don’t even judge an album on lyrical quality ordinarily, but this is unusually annoying to me); and I figure I just better get a review out of the thing before my rating becomes a very discouraging one star.

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Despite all the negative musings, there are some moments and even *shock* songs that I enjoy from the album. The title track is one of the main perpetrators of this “enjoyment” factor. Sure, it has a cheesy backing synth-type thing, but there’s a raw guitar in there, and some punching drums that allow the song to flow along nicely. The choruses are probably the best on the CD, bringing back that scratchy guitar riff to drive them along in a more rocking style as not-so-inane lyrics are sung: “It won’t be long till you see me on the news / Another soul lost at sea while taking a cruise / Gasping for air makes the righteous path harder to choose / When to see to fly or die, sink or swim / Which one shall I choose?” It’s something of a guilty pleasure for me (seeing as how the song still has that whole faux-rock vibe going), but guilty pleasures can be fun sometimes. You just know I’m going to mention the lead-off single “She Wants To Move” here too. I mean, it’s basically what led me to buy this, and while it might’ve been ruined slightly for me by merciless overplay, I can still somewhat enjoy it. The bark of dogs starts things, before a groovy bass line rolls in and is soon joined by that funky-aass guitar riff. Handclaps complement some sexual guitar squeals in the lead-up to the quirky choruses, that slather those raw-ish guitars atop everything else once again. I guess I should be embarrassed by the line “Her aass is a spaceship that I want to ride” (especially since it’s followed by the worst spaceship-type noise in history), but I’m not.

Hmm… what else? Well, I guess “Backseat Love” isn’t completely unbearable, inane lyrics aside (“So we start walking and holding hands / She don’t know that daddy got plans / I’m gonna get her in my car / In the backseat is your hello rock star”). It has-- you guessed it-- a spattering of raw guitar bursts (these guys seem to think that having raw guitars constitutes a rock song), bouncy upbeat drumming that punches along playfully, and a delightfully resonant dose of bass. Basically it’s a really bouncy song that’s hard not to enjoy on some level. I guess “Wonderful Place” and “Thrasher” would fall into the same category. The former may just be the cheesiest thing I’ve heard as of late in the verses, with whistling backing up the lightest and fluffiest of guitar and drum sounds. However, the choruses are a big burst of rolling drum fills and even a little brass to beefily back things up. It’s rather shocking. The aforementioned “Thrasher” is only good for the sole reason that it provides a nice shout-along chorus, and it’s an angry song (of sorts) to boot.

The rest of Fly Or Die is hopeless faux-rock nonsense. Nowhere is this more apparent than recent single “Maybe.” Pharrell and Hugo seem to be under the illusion that using a real rock guitarist (Lenny Kravitz) on your song will give you a credible rock track, but it doesn’t quite work that way. ?eustlove from The Roots also guests on this track. Oh, wow! Look at all these fabulous guests! That must make the song _great_, right? Wrong! It’s possibly the most formulaic and horrible song I’ve heard recently, with those awful guitar squeals in the verses and the way the drums kick up (but aside from that, don’t do anything except slowly beat along and make the song even more standard than it already is). Honestly, the production here makes this sound like one of those tiny little kids drum sets. Speaking of misguided guest stars, you’ll never guess who takes the mike for the most INSANELY ANNOYING track, “Jump.” Well, it’s only Joel and Benji Madden… a.k.a scum-of-the-earth “punk-pop” fools Good Charlotte. And hey, to give them credit (or not), they manage to bring the flavour of their own band to N.E.R.D.’s music-- in other words, it’s the thing you’ll have stuck in your head all day, and would rather penetrate your eardrum with a drill than suffer. They bring some of their own “stylish” lyrics in too, mainly biitching about their parents and such *sigh*… it’s all incredibly annoying. The song is squelchy, bouncy and ever-so-slightly hard-hitting, but I can’t stand myself for allowing it to get stuck inside my head.

It doesn’t stop here. Oh no. Opener “Don’t Worry About It” probably started off in my head as a fairly decent track, but soon it was grating my ears like no other. Totally ignoring the beginning shouts of “She’s bad-bad-badaass” (which are annoying enough on their own), the song utilises a tedious one-chord structure-- which the verse contentedly hums along to-- and only really _does_ anything in the choruses. Not to say that the choruses are good, as they have an incredibly processed guitar riff that just sounds too nice and squealing. The vocals are probably at their most unbearable point here too, as these guys prove they really shouldn’t scream and howl during their songs. I wasn’t even planning to mention “The Way She Dances,” but taking a look at the lyrics, I just can’t help myself. They make me laugh, and not _with_ N.E.R.D. Forget about the music, for it’s the usual cheesy crap (if a little more pop-oriented this time round). It’s the lyrics that seal the deal for me here: “Unzip your skirt / Take off your blouse / I hope your toes are painted / Cause you gonna dance in your unders all over the house.” Hahaha… uh, I mean… wow, _deep_.

I don’t feel as if I should go on. What I haven’t mentioned is just as bad as whatever I did, and follows the same repetitive pattern. I tried to be nice in this review, but even the tracks that I said I liked have ways of grating on my ears too. Basically, hip-hop/pop producers should stick to what they do best rather than trying to enter rock territory (even if it is only slightly). For N.E.R.D. have only embarrassed themselves by releasing this shower of nonsense. I haven’t heard their first album, so I couldn’t possibly comment on it. But I can say that all self-respecting music listeners should strive to stay the hell away from Fly Or Die. It might appear to be “fun” at first, but soon enough it’ll have you tearing your hair out and shielding your ears with whatever’s at hand.

Excellent: NONE
Good: Fly Or Die, Backseat Love, She Wants To Move
Average: Don’t Worry About It, Breakout, Wonderful Place, Drill Sergeant, Thrasher
Weak: Jump, Maybe, The Way She Dances, Chariot Of Fire

Final Rating: 8/20


Recommended: No