I’m not sure where I heard that Antony Hegarty of Antony and the Johnsons has described himself as a transgender. Probably on Amazon.com where I bought the 1998 debut album of the New York-based group, Antony and the Johnsons, because when I first heard Antony gorgeously sing “If It Be Your Will” on the Leonard Cohen: I’m Your Man documentary/tribute, I thought maybe he had Parkinson’s. Not only was his silky voice vibrating like a harp, but his hands were flying around. Now I’ve done my research into what it means to be a transgender and wish to review the album for epinionator jps246’s Gay Pride Month write-off.

Being a transgender doesn’t mean you’re gay, but you may be. That’s inconsequential. It’s rather about gender freedom, feeling the desire to be male one day and female the next, preferring neither. They, like gays, have an unconventional or untraditional sense of identity and this should be celebrated as much as sexual freedom.

Admittedly I’m not a logical choice for reviewing this debut album. I’m as straight as an arrow with no compulsion for gender freedom. As a writer I may attempt to sometimes write from a male perspective, but that doesn’t mean I have gender issues anymore than an actor who plays somebody he isn’t. That’s more like fantasizing. So I can’t really relate to someone like Antony who isn’t simply fantasizing, but perceives himself as both genders. In his first album he doesn’t sing about this like he does in his more celebrated second album, I Am A Bird Now, which won 2005’s Mercury Music Prize. I’m not sure how to describe what he sings in his debut.

Let me start by giving you the titles of the nine songs in this brief 34-minute album: Twilight, Cripple and the Starfish, Hitler in my Heart, Atrocities, River of Sorrow, Rapture, Deeper Than Love, Divine, Blue Angel. His music is considered indie/experimental/folk, I believe, and his voice reminds you a bit of Aaron Neville. Of course, a guy friend heard Antony and immediately thought of the blue alien lady who sang opera in The Fifth Element. After watching that silly movie, I agree that Antony sounds like her speaking voice, but not her singing voice! I’ve listened to Antony and the Johnsons for a month, but to the captivating, haunting music, not really the words. Neither my friends nor I can make out what he’s saying most of the time.

I finally checked out the lyrics that came with the CD and this is one weird guy. I think he’s actually in some movement to popularize weirdness in America. He grew up in England with Boy George for a role model naturally, but you won’t hear him singing about anything but his feelings. He’s a very intense person without a sense of humor, it would seem, but I confess…the seemingly nonsensical lyrics of “Cripple and the Starfish” upon reading them aloud to a friend made us both burst into peals of nervous laughter. Here’s how it begins:

Mr. Muscle forcing bursting
Stingy thingy into little me
But just “ripple” said the cripple
As my jaw dropped to the ground
Smile smile

It’s true I always wanted love to be
Hurtful
And it’s true I always wanted love to be
Filled with pain
And bruises…

Upon rereading this and the rest of the lyrics, I realize this must be about a sexually abusive relationship and it’s nothing to laugh about, but at first it sounds very strange and disturbing. Antony sings mostly about torturous relationships and his loneliness. I cannot figure out “Hitler in my Heart,” though. I mean “from the corpses flowers grow” turns me off. God and Christ are mentioned in a couple songs. Maybe that’s to make up for talking about Hiltler. Maybe the album takes us on a fantastic journey through the nightmares and dreams of Antony, through his fears of being consumed with hate, misery, brokenness, through his hopes of seeing the Rapture, being in the Rapture with his baby, burning in flames like he’s dying. Maybe, but I always thought flames were just in hell. Hmm.

Will you like this album? Maybe. Besides Antony’s mesmerizing, hard to understand voice and his intensely personal, weird lyrics, we are treated to lovely piano, drums, harp, bass, violin, flute, clarinet, sax and guitar effects. I don’t need to understand him to enjoy the album, not his lyrics or his identity, but he’s also not my favorite singer for that reason. I need to be in a reflective mood, perhaps reading, to listen to Antony and the Johnsons and you probably will also.

This is an entry into jps246’s Gay Pride Month write-off. See http://www.epinions.com/user-jps246 for more information.

Recommended: Yes

Great Music to Play While: Reading or Studying