From South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut:

United States Ambassador: "Terrance and Phillip aren't the first troublesome thing to come out of Canada, let us not forget Brian Adams."

Canadian Ambassador: "Now now, the Candian government has apologized for Brian Adams on several occasions."

It's not true that no good music has come out of Canada. It just seems that way. But while the Avril Lavignes, Alanis Morrissettes, Celine Dions, and Nickelbacks are what we've been forced fed, there are good bands that have come out of Canada. Let's not forget Rush. Or Barenaked Ladies. Or even Our Lady Peace. But it's hard to remember the good when Canada is giving us bands like Simple Plan.

A five piece outfit from Montreal, Canada, Simple Plan has scored solid sales here in the US by writing cliche'd, whiny pop punk songs that are as recycled as much as Ashlee Simpson's backing tapes. But to blame just Canada for Simple Plan's success would be shortsighted; after all, a band like Simple Plan couldn't have success unless there were other bands who were just as whiny who helped open doors, and for that, and that alone, bands like New Found Glory (who at one point were decent) should be shot on site.

So after scoring platinum sales with their debut record, Simple Plan returned to record stores this week with Still Not Getting Any. Supposedly an album that would show the band's "growth," the only thing I feel growing upon listening to this record is my blood pressure. Are teenagers this desperate for something to latch onto?

To the band's credit, there are snippets here where they sound like they may have made a creative leap or two. Perfect World is one such track, which finds the band in a much denser place musically than at any point on their debut. However, the band then moves back into big, anthem-sounding power chords and over-wrought vocals on the chorus, just in case their fans don't have the attention span to listen to a full and complete ballad. This could also be because their vocalist has no range, but I'll get more into that later. Crazy has a catchy little melody that opens the song, but it soon gets washed away in power chords and ear bleeding vocals as well.

The best song on the album, by far, is Me Against the World, which would've been much improved had the production lent a much more raw vibe to the song, but then the band might alienate their "base," and God forbid that happens. The song does have some nice guitar work from both Jeff Stinco and Sebastien Lefebvre. In essence, the song rails against those who rail against the band, while also taking time to rail against those who "held down" the band in their past. This song's been sung before, and it's been said enough. And despite this, it's still the most interesting song on the record by a mile.

The award for most inane song of the year has to go to Jump, which upon listening to it, you may actually be proven to be less smart than you were before listening to it. Again, this song has been done ad nauseum with different lyrics, by a hundred other bands. It's old, it's derivative, and it's boring.

Of course, I almost feel bad for the actual musical parts of this band. When you're stuck with the nasally Pierre Bouvier as your vocalist, you can't really experiment too much, since he lacks the vocal range or skill to do anything other than whine through his nasal passages. Seriously people, my neutered 15 year old cat has more range than Bouvier (not to mention more balls, but that's besides the point).

First single Welcome to My Life is a perfect example of the cliche'd songwriting that is apparent throughout this record. It touches on the normal pop punk themes of teenage alienation and rebellion, which, to say the least, not only has been touched on a million times before (in the last five years alone), but you'd think the band would be past that given that they're in their twenties.

By the end of the disc, the band sounds like they're re-writing their past top 40 hits. Promise, One, and Everytime all sound like variations of songs from the first record, and none of them bring anything new, interesting, or eye opening to the table.

At least the instruments sound crisp, which means that production wise, this is a step up from the last big release Bob Rock produced, Metallica's ST ANGER.

This is also one of the first "DualDiscs" to be released. This essentially means that each side of the disc is fully playable, one side being a CD, the other being a DVD. The DVD features some "making of" footage, lyrics, photos, and some other stuff that has become par for the course in the last few years on bonus DVDs.

Still Not Getting Any is undoubtedly one of the worst albums of the year, not to mention the album most likely to incite someone to want to commit an act of violence against the lead singer of a band (I'd love to break the nose that Bouvier sings through, I really would). Stay far far away.

And in the words of Trey Parker and Matt Stone: "Blame Canada!"

1 star.







Recommended: No