dpjohansen's Full Review: OOO (The World of Baby Ford) by Baby Ford
And now for the Excruciating half of captaind and slarter's Excellent & Excruciating Write Off. And there's a reason it's called Excruciating, well, several actually, but mainly it's because one is forced to endure (in my case) an ear bashing for what seemed like an inconceivable length of time... and actually write about it.
This album won an album by Steve Wynn by a whisker, but after sitting through the pain and torture, I realised that Steve Wynn's album was actually not so bad, 2 stars at least. Now, this album does fall into a genre I wouldn't normally bother myself with, however, that doesn't mean to say that's the reason I find this album so excruciating. Why do I have the album? Let's look at the era it came from, 1989. At that time, late 80's, early 90's, the music scene in England was going through all kinds of weird and wonderful things. Dance music was to the fore, especially in the North, and you had hard-core (sic) dance acts like 808 State with guest vocals on their album tracks by the likes of Björk and New Order singers, you had Ex Smiths guitarists teaming up with a Pet Shop Boy and that New Order singer again, to make some halfway decent music. Indie and dance got all mixed up, the Shamen crossed a line, and Baby Ford released this album. Plus, it was free.
Peter "Baby" Ford hails from Wigan, which is just outside Manchester in England (and a town which has at least established some decent bands in the last few years) Some might say he was a pioneer of UK Dance and Acid House in the late 80's, early 90's. Others (hint, me) might say it's a pile of tuneless codswallop.
"OOO (the World of Baby Ford)" (1989 Sire/Rhthym King)
This entire ten track album consists of dance/acid house/techno, whatever you want to call it. Opening with a track called "Place of Dreams and Magic" (is he having a laugh, or what?), which is a series of random computer noises against a quirky plinky noises and bass heavy thuds, some female backing singers provide repetitive "aah aah ohh, aah aah ay"s, and then Ford himself starts singing (!), he sounds somewhat forced (and also, a bit of D:Ream breathiness creeps in, only way camper) and alas, his Place of Dreams and Magic soon becomes a place of Nightmares and Tomfoolery. The second track, a cover version of T-Rex's "Children of the Revolution" could have had potential, but it's definitely murder on the dance floor, and he without a doubt killed the groove. He took a perfectly good song, made it into a hideously long dance version, with ad-lib computer enhanced rather annoying "b-b-b-b bump and grind"s. In all fairness, if he'd lopped off 3 minutes of the hard nutty dance shíte, it would have been an acceptable cover.
"Milky Trés/ Chikki Chikki Ahh Ahh" (Inspired song title, no?) has a bit of a Marshall Jefferson Chicago house sound, only nowhere near as good. Ford's nasal whining through a series of "Fee Fi Fo Fum"'s, with some bint in the background waffling on about disco ecstasy, along with the inspired "Chikki chikki ahh ahh" noises, all make for a rather weird dance track. Track 4, entitled "Poem for Wigan", again, reaches for the extended keyboard and plonking noises, with samples of some bloke with a "reet Northern accent" (think Liam Gallagher) talking about nights out in Wigan on a Saturday night. Yeah, it's hardly Starsailor. Track 5, entitled "Wigan" (Eee by gum!) is bloody awful, again, it sounds Chicago house style with an acid flavour, but the excessive use of some noises that sound like toothache would if it made a noise, make it rather nauseous and painful. Ford whispers camply through some tribute to Wigan.. "All the signs, lead to Wigan.. all the people, go to Wigan". Yes, because Wigan is so fantastic, they eat meat and potato pies on English muffins, and they have a pier but no water (maybe a sewerage infested canal at best). Having said that, it did give us the aforementioned Starsailor, and the Verve, which is rather decent of it, though I could hardly see Richard Ashcroft munching on a meat and 'tator muffin, shaking his thang to this on the dance floor in some seedy dance club in Upholland (posh area of Wigan).
Next up is "Hi Mr Logan", which, being honest, I could farted in rapid succession, added some reverb and some computer generated noises and done a whole lot better myself. But it does feature a bit of a jazzy flute. It's repetitive and tedious, and the excessive chanting of "Hi Mr Logan" (who the frill is Mr Logan? Craig? Johnny?) is more than annoying. "Beach Bump" is up next, it tries to masquerade as an actual song, with verses etc, but noooo! It's camper than a row of pink tents, and the chorus is largely made up of a repetitive, "Voulez vous couchez ce soir", Lady Marmalade would be spinning in her grave!
Track 8 "Let's talk it Over" is somewhat calmer than the last affair, and the singing sounds oddly like a really bad George Michael dance track imitation. Some really cheesy lyrics backed by some wailing and a drumloop does not constitute a song. "The World is in Love" (but not with this album) is just plain bizarre, it doesn't even function as music per se, more a series of random noises at the beginning, before it launches itself into some freaky acid house number with lots and lots of breathy female singers making sexually suggestive noises. Ford has to get his camp two penneth worth in of course, making the whole thing sound like all that's bad about Gay disco music. And Hurrah! Track 10 (my ears are breathing a potential sigh of relief at this point.. just 5 more mins to endure), but what the hell is it?!! It's called "Change Your Ways" apparently, a sort of series of waves of layered keyboards, with some bizarre vocalising which makes no structural sense, musically or otherwise. It continues down one monotonic path right to the end, exiting "Change, change, change".. and by golly, I intend to change.. this CD for something infinitely better...
Just because I'm an indie person, and not a dance/techno person, doesn't mean I can't at least recognise when something is at least good, I'll give anyone (within reason) the benefit of the doubt. However, music to me is proper music, maybe I'm being a bit snobby because I happen to like the music I listen to having actual musicians and a proper singer. Hell, I can cope without a singer if the music is decent enough. I'd even admit to liking some dance music (albeit indie flavoured). Whilst I'm sure this was some sort of breakthrough compilation of respectable Acid House music (*cough*), to me it's not representative of that scene really, it's not representative of any scene. It's hardly Frankie Knuckles, or Marshall Jefferson, who are respectable as far as that genre is concerned. But this is a fairly lame example of so-called Dance & House, and it's hardly techno (Techno! Techno! Techno! Sorry, had a 2 Unlimited moment. Eeeew!) I can sort of see the appeal this music would have to ravers and hardcore house clubbers, though, I mean, most of the time they tend to be off their face on something or other, and don't really pay attention to what's being played on the dancefloor. But to the serious music lover, it's not music!
Ford has had 4 albums out to date (plus a few released on underground labels), the last being 2003's "Basking in the Brakelights" (aww, someone hated his music so much they ran him over, shame) And Lord knows how, but he's also worked with the likes of William Orbit and S' Express. Ford should definitely stick to eating his pie muffins and leave the music to the professionals.
All in all, it's 10 songs largely made up of computer generated music, samples, lots of girly "ooh"s, and some camp, breathy singing, all disguising itself under the umbrella of Dance music. That's not dance music, it's music to run screaming with your fingers in your ears in the opposite direction by. I'll stick to my Indie, thanks.
Now I have a headache.
Again, thanks to Dave and Simon for hosting this W/O. You have a wee while to get your entries in, if you wish to participate. Again, go here for Simon's Excellent half, and here for Dave's Excruciating half.
Cheers
Tracks: Place of Dreams and Magic / Children of the Revolution / Milky Trés, Chikki Chikki Ahh Ahh / Poem for Wigan / Wigan / Hi, Mr Logan / Beach Bump / Let's Talk it Over / The World is in Love / Change Your Ways
Overall: 1 star
Great Music to Play While: Uh, hm,... running screaming with your fingers in your ears (possibly your eyes, too) in the opposite direction.
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