Like Teflon it is, so slick and smooth it’s unusable for anything but frying eggs. I listened to Soul Provider for the first time in years for the sole purpose of reviewing it and, after the first 2 tracks I felt it was quite slick in the production department. So I put it to the ultimate test and listened to it back to back with one of the slickest albums in existence, Journey’s Raised On Radio. In comparison, ROR is rough as a cast iron frying pan. Ten tracks of the slickest, most banal material you can imagine. Hmm, I wonder if they make cookware out of it.

Soul Provider
Ok, this is probably meant to be a strong soulful song about love and stuff, but it’s got the soul of a multinational corporation. The musicianship is quite good, but by this time Mike was able to get the better quality of studio musician. The singing is pretty uninspiring. The lyrics plumb new depths of uninspired. "I give you my word, stick to my guns / Believe me when I tell ya baby / That we’ve just begun." Isn’t it clever how he rhymed guns and begun? Isn’t it?

Georgia On My Mind
Now if every wannabe soul singer doesn’t have this song in their repertoire I’m a monkey’s uncle (first of all I’m an aunt and second of all, all of my nephews are cute, even the funny looking one.) Do yourself a favor and find one of those wannabes in a coffee house or bookstore near you and request it. You’re bound to get a better version.

It’s Only My Heart
This one has a weird kind of driving rock thing going on. Not to the extreme of when he was hard rock Michael, but still pretty energetic.

How Am I Supposed To Live Without You
We have the faintest spark of true soulful singing here. I don’t hold this song in complete and utter contempt as I do most of the others. There’s a nice, if bland, guitar solo in the middle. It doesn’t get much better than "And how can I blame you / When I built my world around / The hope that one day we’d be so much more than friends." Oh wait, yes it does.

How Can We Be Lovers
Data Sings! (Star trek reference, congratulate yourself if you didn’t get it.) You see, this is what happens when an unemotional person tries to perform an emotional song. Technically perfect, but where’s the feeling? I find the lock step beat to be disturbing right now. I suppose it was so that the backup singers would know when to put their feet down, but good heavens it sounds like a forced march.

You Wouldn’t Know Love
But you would know a perfectly designed hit song. I know why Michael was so popular for so long and it’s the same reason Harlequin Romances still sell by the bushel. Careful topic choice (wronged lover.) Good hero (Michael and his long locks.) Simple storytelling ("Baby there’s just no way / Baby I’ve had enough / You wouldn’t know love.") The perfect formula.

When I’m Back On My Feet
Power ballad. This is the song that every little girl , dumped by her boyfriend, sings to herself. What I wouldn’t give for a shot of Gloria Gaynor’s "I Will Survive" about now. At least she isn’t whiney.

From Now On
What ever happened to Suzie Benson? Did she die of embarrassment? Did she change her name and move to South America? I would have. This trite, uninspired, over produced ballad is probably responsible to keeping together any number of marriages that should have sunk a long time ago. He’s saying, "just because I didn’t say those things about feeling and stuff doesn’t mean I didn’t feel them." And she’s saying, "I never should have made you prove your love, sweetie pumpkin pie." Ok, maybe I added the sweetie pumpkin pie part, but I can tell it was meant to be there, they just couldn’t fit it in.

Love Cuts Deep
"You’re knockin’ on my door / Say ya want me back again / Say ya wanna try once more / But a broken heart don’t mend." See how again and mend almost rhyme, but don’t? That’s sort of been the theme for the album, hasn’t it?

Stand Up For Love
It’s the last song! Oh thank God! The word ‘baby’ appears 6 times. Someone give this man a thesaurus. You know, this song is so lack luster and so much like every other song thus far that I can’t even think of a good insult. It’s sucking my brain out!

I have a new drinking game. Listen to Soul Provider and take a drink every time the word "baby" comes up. You’ll be smashed by the end. And trust me, you’ll need the alcohol to get through the album. Fortunately, it’s so slick it’ll slide of the surface of your mind like eggs out of the Teflon skillet.


Recommended: No

Great Music to Play While: Going to Sleep