tjhassecrets's Full Review: Music Box by Mariah Carey
I officially know how starcollector feels whenever he reviews something by Madonna. I try and try and try to give Mariah Carey the benefit of the doubt, but just as I start to come out of my musical coma, she is sure to deliver an album comprised of narcotic bullshit. To be honest, I'm getting very fed up. I also seem to have started a slight trend with reviewing Mariah albums, and I have to flat out say it: what do the fans see in her aside from her voice? Yes, she can sing, but are we, as listeners, truly listening to the sounds she's singing? If you are, then I commend you for being able to stay awake through the entire record. After the snore-fest that was Emotions, I had little to no hopes for 1993's follow-up Music Box. This time, though, Mariah tricked me. I turned on the album and thought, "Wow, this is actually very good." But then, shortly after the album started, the album fell flat on its face.
THE BAD
Until Mariah Carey can prove to my ears that she can record a decent album, I'll be writing the bad sections first. Let's start with the fact that, once again, for the third album in a row, we get generic ballads that sound like they are coming directly from a trashy Disney movie. Just as the credits roll, the lights come up, and Mariah Carey's voice starts singing, all I want to do is throughout my popcorn bucket and go pee. Songs like All I Ever Wanted and Never Forget You could have come directly from her previous two records. That is to say that there is absolutely nothing special about these songs at all. It's like a Mariah Carey checklist. One or two good songs? Check. A bunch of karaoke-sounding songs? Check. Cheezy dance song? Check. Melodies? ...pft. Who needs those?
Hero is, by far, one of the worst crimes against music, and I sentence it to being banished from compact discs, mp3 players, digital music retailers, cassettes, and vinyls for the rest of time. Is there anybody who didn't have to belt this song out back in third grade? The mellow-dramatic melody is just drenched in sugar and syrup so thick that your teeth with ache. Mariah wails through this catastrophe about self-worth and esteem: "And then a hero comes along with the strength to carry on, and you cast your fears aside, and you know you can survive. So when you feel like hope is gone, look you and be strong." I applaud the lyrics for being uplifting and having a great message, but there's something about the cheezy production and delivery that makes me feel like I'm seven years old, crying in the corner because I got picked last for dodgeball. Sorry, Mariah, but this is why I avoided you in the first place. Well, that and your predictability, evidenced by the title-track which, duh, starts off with a music box before getting lost in a non-melody of 1990s boredom. I feel like I'm reviewing the same album over and over again and I'm running out of things to write about.
And I don't know about you, but I'm sick of Mariah always being heartbroken? Does this woman ever have a good day? Someone get her an upper.
THE GOOD
The opening track is great, especially for 90s bubblegum pop. Dreamlover was, apparently, a really huge hit for Ms. Carey. What I like about it is that it, right off the bat, proves how well she can sing. That potential I spoke of in my review for Emotions is excerized fully on this song, which is a downtempo jam with typical glittery flourishes, but still has an interesting melody. Mariah's got a really nice sound on calming track that initially made me think that maybe this record would be the first original one of her career. Bad, Dreamlover, tricking me like that...
JUDGING
I'm surprised I haven't given up yet. I enjoyed this record more than the previous Emotions, but not as much as her debut record (which isn't saying much). It's a step in the right direction, but wow. I thought that after listening to FOUR Mariah Carey albums, I'd be a little less annoyed and lot more impressed by things like GROWTH and INNOVATION. Unfortunately, she's just disappointing me. Next up will NOT be her Christmas record out of principal, but 1995's Daydream, which has one of my favorite Mariah songs of all time, so, once again, my hopes are up.
Dreamlover (5 Stars) Hero (1 Star) Anytime You Need a Friend (4 Stars) Music Box (1 Star) Now That I Know (1 Star) Never Forget You (1 Star) Without You (1 Star) Just to Hold You Once (1 Star) I've Been Thinking About You (1 Star) All I've Ever Wanted (1 Star) Everything Fades Away (1 Star)
OVERALL SCORE: 2 STARS (1.7+)
Are these reviews getting shorter, or is it just me?
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