I consider myself to be very well-versed in the history of 1980s pop music, and Phil Collins is a stable artist that you just have to know about. Phil's pop career began in 1981 with Face Value, a dark and introspective record that was the product of the problems his band Genesis were facing as well as a nasty, bitter divorce. The music on that record set the bar very high for anything else the man would ever do, but, unfortunately, he never measured up to it again musically or creatively-- at least in his own solo career. While his lyrics continued to flourish, bloom, and grow, the actual instrumentation would suffer greatly as Phil was more or less in love with using the drum machine, an invention that single-handed ruined Phil's music credibility. I mean, this man was hired in Genesis back in the 70s for his incredible drumming ability (though the band would take him on the arm and say that he got the gig because he told the best jokes). Fans of Phil Collins, though, know him as a straight up pop artist. Adult contemporary stuff, not entirely known for his insane percussive experimentation on his debut album. And, as far as I can tell, 1985's No Jacket Required is an album comprised on fun pop tunes, but nothing all that special.

THE GOOD

I do consider myself a Phil Collins fan. I've got all his work with Genesis as well as hard-copies of most of his solo work. I grew up wearing out by copy of ...But Seriously, and Phil's voice always impressed me. Now, however, I prefer his darker stuff-- the heartbeat that leaks. This album is more or less devoid of experiments, but it's still got some dance tracks that appeal to my love of glittery 80s disco. The first time I let this record play through, Don't Lose My Number stood out because I thought it was a song that should have been on ...But Seriously. The song is typical 80s Phil with cool beats and an upbeat, catchy melody. The difference, though, between this song and most of this album is that the song is lost in confusion. Phil himself, who wrote the track back in 1981, said that he hasn't a clue what it's really about, which is reflected in a humorous music video in which Phil is pitched a bunch of ridiculous ideas. The lyrics relate to a man named Billy, who Phil is desperately trying to get in touch with: "Now, Billy. Billy don't you lose my number, 'cause you're not anywhere that I can find you." There's been dispute over what it's about-- a love song, an ode to a runaway child, etc.-- but regardless it's still a shining moment on the record.

And since we are speaking of shining moments, then it's all about the way this record closes, wrapped in a well-produced, well-written, and well-sung song named Take Me Home, which began a Top 10 hit in the US and a fan favorite. The track is, right off the bat, noticeable for its interesting use of the synth. On this album, Phil may not get experimental per-say, but he does get clever and slick. I use the word slick in many, many of my reviews. By this, I mean that it's smart and highly stylized-- that is defined by this track. A note of interest, also, is that former band-mate Peter Gabriel is singing back on the chorus. Phil's cool delivery sounds very good with Peter's scratching in the background. Speaking of Phil's voice, it's great on this album. I Don't Wanna Know, which is a catchy kiss-off, is a great representation of how cool Phil's voice is. And if you know of his Genesis work back in the mid-70s, then you know how versatile it really is. My only issue with this particular track is that it sounds like it was ripped directly out of the Huey Lewis catalogue of songs. While I love Huey, on a Phil album, I want to hear more Phil. Where I can hear more Phil, though, is on Doesn't Anybody Stay Together Anymore. His voice, again, sounds stellar, but on this track, we get a sense of what Phil could really do, though I wish he would just go there.

THE BAD

Now, there are some prevalent issues on this record. Mainly that it's just a gigantic one-note. Much like Eiffel 65's Europop or Ace of Base's Happy Nation (The Sign), every track runs together, and it gets difficult to tell the difference between them. Every time a song starts up with that In the Air Tonight, self-plagiarised drum machine beat, I couldn't tell you what the name was if my life depended on it. Songs like Only You and I Know survive solely on the fact that it's upbeat, even if the track has a cheap sounding production and a bland melody. The second it's off, it's like you're stuck looking around the room wondering if you just listened to something or not.

The worst song on the album, though, (and I predict much gasps here), is One More Night, which is, without a doubt, the sappiest Phil Collins ever written. And that says something. This is the same man who sang Genesis's In Too Deep and is known as the nicest man in music today. This track, which is based on nothing but a Casio-keyboard sample has a very repetitive and annoying chorus (Gimme just one more night...just one more night...) and a drowsy melody. In fact, when in comes on, the only thing I feel like doing is curling up in a blanket and passing out for a couple hundred years. This is that coma-induced crap that makes people hate Phil Collins. It's stupid songs like this that make people think Phil ruined Genesis and that he has no credibility as a musician anymore. Songs. like. this. that. make. me. question. why. I'm. a. fan.

Well, I'm glad I got that out of my system...

Considering how I frakkin' love the 80s, the lower score might shock people. In case you are wondering how in the world I can't give this album a higher score, it's because I base it off of his whole discography. This is the guy that wrote Face Value, an album with so much integrity and interesting music that I couldn't believe it when I first heard it, knowing only of his pop stuff. That record has tarnished my vision of him, because the direction he went in made him a one-note. Who Said I Would starts out with a percussive snapping that reminds me of the stuff he did in 1981...then it turns into hyper-speed 80s waste product. This song, in turn, makes me scream out in frustration. The one glimpse of interesting music and it quickly becomes one of the worst tracks on the record.

I don't get it, Phil. I just don't get it. If this is what you make while you're happy, then I hope your dog dies.

And if you're wondering how I feel about the famed and nonsensical Sussudio single, don't bother asking. It's not worth writing about.

TRACK LIST & SCORING
Sussudio (1.5 Stars)
Only You and I Know (3 Stars)
Long Long Way to Go (4 Stars)
I Don't Wanna Know (5 Stars)
One More Night (0 Stars) - (The first song, EVER, to get 0 stars from me.)
Don't Lose My Number  (5 Stars)
Who Said I Would (1 Star)
Doesn't Anybody Stay Together Anymore (4 Stars)
Inside Out (3 Stars)
Take Me Home (5 Stars)

OVERALL SCORE: 3 Stars (3.15-)

Recommended: No

Great Music to Play While: Exercising