Plot Details: This opinion reveals major details about the movie's plot.

Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold (1987)

Like a slow motion train wreck that you can't tear your eyes away from, Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold demands your attention even as you will yourself to get up and turn the thing off. As a companion piece to its sister production King Solomon's Mines it is a good double feature to break out when all your buddies are over and the beer has been flowing freely. That, or you want to clear them out in a hurry.

This is a take off on the popularity of the Indiana Jones series, but it is a parody, meant to poke fun at the ultra realistic depiction of unrealistic things shown in those movies. The fact that they cast Richard Chamberlain, who despite being a heartthrob is dramatically challenged, guaranteed the audience would laugh at more than with the production, probably not the reaction the filmmakers were hoping to induce.

OK, so Chamberlain is neither an action star nor a comedian, is there any redeeming value to this movie? Well, unfortunately, James Earl Jones plays one of the most hackneyed characters I've ever seen on the screen, a total disgrace to any pretensions he may have to being a representative of the black community. If I ever hear a speech by James Earl Jones decrying racism, a picture of this character with his outsized stone age axe will flash through my mind with the neon word "hypocrite" flashing in front of it.

Well, this is a "guy movie," so at least the filmmakers cast a couple of jigglers to make sure we pay attention, right? Ye-e-s, we got Sharon Stone before she became a flasher and Cassandra Peterson ("Elvira") in straight makeup. Neither one makes much of an impact, unfortunately. The high priest or witch doctor, whatever he was supposed to be was played by usually superior villain Henry Silva (Sharky’s Machine). Here he doesn't add much. Which brings up a question - how come all these lost cities deep in Africa are populated by white people?

Anyway, is there any redeeming value, comedic or otherwise to Allan Quatermain? Sadly, they even missed the camp train. The movie is a total shambles with going through the motions non-acting, fake sets, and non existent storyline.

The DVD is in great shape, with 2.35:1 theatrical format and color for the 99 minute fiasco. This is the kind of movie that makes One Million Years BC look artsy. Please don't waste your time on this!

This has been an entry in the Database Diving Write-off sponsored by Rkingfish. I almost drowned finding this movie, that would have been better to remain lost.

I watch the bad ones so you don't have to!


Recommended: No

Viewing Format: DVD
Video Occasion: None of the Above