Bob Guccione's laughingly bad biopic of the nutty Roman emperor "Little Boots" is about as bad as movies can get. The performances are self indulgent and creepy, the sets look hastily constructed, and the costume department apparently didn't have enough funds to properly clothe all the extras, because there doesn't seem to be a moment that goes by with some generous skin being shown somewhere on screen.

McDowell heads up this nonsense as the title emperor who at one point appoints his horse to a position in his council. He plays the role with tremendous energy, but seems more interested in the schlocky sex scenes than with providing Caligula a decent character. Then again, the script doesn't help much. He is surrounded by fine actors, including Peter O'Toole and Helen Mirren, none of whom seem to know what they're doing or how they got involved in this mess.

Director Brass is an obvious amateur who very well should have gone on to a great career in the adult film industry (I can't say he didn't, I'm not real up to date on Tinto's career). No doubt overwhelmed by an all star cast and a large budget, he wielded the ludicrous screenplay like a wet rag and threw as much sex on screen as possible, hoping somewhere in all the orgies a film would emerge. It doesn't, and couldn't possibly. A shorter, 90 minute version exists, but trust me, this only eliminates enough porn as to get it a NC-17 rating and to clarify the rumor that there was a plot in the original. Avoid both at all costs.



Recommended: No