MegaSoul's Full Review: Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers
THE (burial) PLOT
Michael Myers died in a fiery inferno at the end of Halloween 2 (or so we thought). In actuality, he lapsed into a coma and was taken to a state hospital for the criminally insane. For 10 years he slept—he waited—until paramedics tried to move his dormant body to a different hospital.
As Michael awoke, he heard the people in the ambulance say something rather interesting: His sister, Laurie, died. But before she passed away, she gave birth to a daughter, who resides in Haddonfield, Illinois with her adopted parents.
Jamie Lloyd (Danielle Harris, Urban Legend) is a little girl who, with the death of her mother, has experienced more pain than any child should. With the help of her supportive stepsister, Rachel (Ellie Cornell, The Specials), she is able to cope. But what she doesn’t know is that Michael is awake and he is coming for her.
Her only hopes are Rachel and Michael’s former doctor, Sam Loomis (Donald Pleasence, Halloween). But the odds aren’t in her favor. Michael Myers is anything but a normal human being.
SO WHEN DID YOU SCRIBBLE DOWN THIS PIECE OF EXCREMENT YOU CALL A REVIEW, CHUMP?
November 24, 2000
THE BODY COUNT
According to my poorly kept statistics, there are around 18 human deaths and one dog murder in Halloween 4. Unfortunately, many of the deaths occur off-screen. We are, however, treated to the implausible murder by thumb to the forehead, so it ain’t all bad.
THE NUDITY (A little something for the perverts in the house.)
For the guys: (And some of the gals, I suppose)
A girl with enormous breasts (Kathleen Kinmont, Bride of Re-Animator) is shown in her bra and panties. She takes her bra off, but I didn’t notice anything explicit (objects obstruct the camera’s view), and Lord knows I checked thoroughly. Never question my dedication to my work, folks.
THE GOODS (How well did the movie deliver on its premise?)
What’s really good:
* Halloween 4 begins strongly, with some creepy images and a scary little in-dream appearance by Michael Myers.
* There is a pretty cool rooftop battle between Michael and Rachel as each quests for possession of young Jamie.
* The direction is competent throughout. Director Dwight H. Little's direction isn't too flashy, but he creates an atmosphere quite similar to that of John Carpenter’s original classic.
* Almost every actor in Halloween 4 is decent, a notch above the standard slasher film’s talent. Young Danielle Harris does an admirable job as the creepy little girl, Jamie. In fact, she actually seems to improve as the film progresses. Perhaps it was shot in order? Ellie Cornell also does an suitable job as Rachel.
* Donald Pleasence is able to show us some of his hammy acting chops in a few scenes. A memorable one features Michael and Pleasence in an old-west showdown at a local gas station. He pleads with Michael to stop killing, but his former patient will hear none of it. This scene stands out to me. Michael actually seems human for that fleeting moment. Of course, then he begins splitting people in two again and we’re back to square one.
What’s really bad:
* It’s quite possibly just a problem with the VHS copy I rented, but Halloween 4 appears to be remarkably dimly lit. Bring your flashlight if you want to see what the hell is going on in some scenes, because this baby is dark.
* The pan-and-scan VHS I watched is noticeably cropped off on the sides. A lot of modern films compensate better in the transfer to pan-and-scan than this one.
* Michael’s role consists mainly of lurking in the shadows, using superhuman strength to kill someone, and lurking some more. Sure, it’s standard slasher fare, but Halloween 4 had potential, dammit.
* Blood and gore is notably absent from Halloween 4. There are tons of kills, but most don’t show much blood. If gore isn’t your thing, I guess it’s cool, but I have a suspicion the MPAA had something to do with the lack of blood. In the late '80s the organization had really cracked down on violent films. Neutered slasher flicks were often the sad result of the MPAA’s merciless hacking of footage.
TIDBITS (A little inside info. for ya!)
* Producer Moustapha Akkad decided to bring back Michael Myers after fans of the first two Halloween films rallied heavily, begging for a return of The Shape.
* Scriptwriter Alan McElroy wrote Halloween 4 in 11 days to avoid a Writer's Guild strike.
YOU CAN LEARN A LOT FROM A MOVIE (facts to help you deal
with your turbulent life)
1) Hell looks like a poorly lit hospital room.
2) Cops don’t mind if you tag along during investigations while carrying a concealed weapon.
3) If you press on the right part of a man’s forehead you’ll find that it’s soft like putty.
4) Never take a comatose serial killer out of a hospital on a dark and stormy night. Actually, just try to stay the hell away from serial killers in general and you’ll be much safer.
5) Coma patients emerge stronger than ever before. Also, they can grow back any missing body parts (such as their eyes) as they snooze.
THE LYNCH BOB CONSIPARACY
I’ve noticed a trend in Hollywood. “Trend?” you say. “I never realized Hollywood went with trends!” Well, my friend, you are a tard. Of course it does! But this trend must be stopped.
I'll explain: A group of men with big beer bellies grab whatever guns are handy and go out after the killer. They are usually headed out of some bar where they were just drinking, playing darts, and picking their noses (one would assume).
They aren't the smartest fellas in town. You can pretty much bet they’ll be no help at all. But here’s the real issue: Lynch mobs are typically composed of men with names like Jim Bob, Steve Bob, and, well, just plain Bob. It’s horrible. Show some creativity, scriptwriters!
Still, I thought it would be fun to take names of famous people and add “Bob” to them, in case they ever play a small role as a member of a lynch mob.
-Arnold Schwarzabobber
-Billy Bob Bob Thornton
-Chow Yun Bob
-Tom Bob Cruise
-Gwyneth Palbob
Yeah, I know that was lame. But I’ve made a valid point: STOP NAMING HICKS [insert first name here] BOB, ASSHOLES!
Now, let’s get to the money shot, shall we? Is Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers:
WORTH WATCHING? (Should you stuff that chubby little fist in your pocket for the cash to watch this flick, hotshot?)
The bottom line: Halloween 4 tries like hell, and succeeds on some levels, to bring back the suspense of the original Halloween.
I think the real problem here is that it wants to be too much. Though it tries to be suspenseful, it also tries to be one of the Friday the 13th-type slashers many young people came to love in the '80s.
While Michael silently stalks his prey, we are treated to the typical slasher “crazy old man” that obtusely warns Dr. Loomis of Haddonfield’s fate. But, like much of this movie, the “crazy old man” formula has a twist. Halloween 4’s old man knows that Dr. Loomis might be the town’s only hope and that he is tracking the doer-of-evil, rather than vice versa.
So why doesn’t Halloween 4 work very well? To be honest, I’m not completely sure. Although Donald Pleasence hams it up big time, the ending is brilliant. The direction is slightly better than adequate. The score is nothing special, but it isn’t noticeably poor, either.
Perhaps Halloween 4's problem lies mainly within its difficulties producing logical situations. Instead of fleeing town, several characters board themselves up into a house to keep the killer out. What they don’t realize is that he’s already inside. I guess it looked better on paper.
Although The Return of Michael Myers is largely a middle-of-the-road effort, I’m going to give it a fairly low rating. It had a lot of potential, but it failed at being better than average in almost every situation. It’s simply too much of a mixed bag. There’s no need to squander such potential.
Fright Factor (1-10): 4
Funny Factor (1-10): 3
Gore Factor (1-10): 4
”Why the hell does Michael Myers look like he’s wearing shoulderpads?” Factor: 10
What Horror Fans Should Pay: Up to $1.50
What Casual Fans Should Pay: Up to a buck if you’ve enjoyed other installments in the series.
OK, I WATCHED THE MOVIE. NOW WHAT, FANCYPANTS?
(Plugs for other flicks)
Well, if you enjoyed Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers, I'd recommend:
* The other movies in the Halloween series (duh!)
* The Friday the 13th series
* Sleepstalker: The Sandman’s Last Rites
* I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
This fourth installment of the series takes place ten years after the original and finds the man in the William Shatner mask in a coma and being trans...More at Family Video
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