My name is John, and I am a Duckaholic. There. I said it. And I’m not ashamed, either, so go ahead and laugh all you like, but I actually enjoy watching Howard the Duck. I know I may run afoul of some serious film critics out there by saying this, but I goose that just doesn’t matter. I love this turkey, and if you have a few hours to sparrow, I suggest you chick it out. It will really quack you up.
Seriously, though, there’s no better way to introduce a bad film than with a little punning around. And in all reality, Howard the Duck is one of those films that is so bad its good-in a self justifying sort of way. Just ask Richard Kylie, who apparently was paid a lot of money or was drunk enough or perhaps both to narrate the title sequence. According to Kylie, in our vast universe, what is reality on one world is mere fantasy on all others. Therefore, there must be a world out there where Howard the Duck won an Oscar. QED.
As our story begins, our hero, Howard, the cigar chomping, beer guzzling, just over three foot tall talking duck from another planet (played by eight different actors wearing a suit that reputedly cost $2,000,000 and voiced by Chip Zien) is returning home from a hard day at work. But, as Howard soon discovers, the days soon goes from bad to worse as he is caught in a hyperspatial vortex that whisks him away from his own world and, in a matter of moments. Drops him in the middle of Cleveland, Ohio. Poor Howard.
Things seem hopeless until Howard, trapped in a world he never made, meets Bev (Lea Thompson), lead singer of a rock band named Cherry Bomb whose career is about as lost as Howard. The two strike up a strange, almost romantic relationship (don’t miss the somewhat awkward but nonetheless funny bedroom scene), but Howard still longs to return home.
Towards that end, Bev introduces Howard to Phil (Tim Robbins), a second rate lab assistant with an overrated sense of self importance. Despite his bumbling, Phil does manage to introduce Howard to Dr. Walter Jenning (Jeffrey Jones)-who, as it turns out, is responsible for Howard’s journey to Earth.
Things seem to be looking up when Jenning announces he can return Howard. But, when Duck and company arrive at Jennings laboratory, something has gone horribly wrong. The laser telescope that brought Howard to Earth has now transported one of the evil Dark Overlords of the Universe into Jennings body-and if the now possessed doctor has his way, his fellow Dark Overlords will soon be joining him, much to the chagrin of the human race.
With a script by Steve Gerber, who penned the original and quite successful Howard the Duck comic series, one would expect much more plot wise here. Sadly, the story is probably the weakest link in this film that was, believe it or not, produced by George Lucas.
Close behind, though, is the acting. Admittedly, it’s intentionally corny in this tongue in cheek sci-fi flick. Even with that, none of the performances stand out, though Jones is great fun at times in his over the top delivery of the Dark Overlord of the Universe. Robbins, by contrast, is particularly bad as Phil.
Then there are the special effects. The segment on Howard’s home world is actually well done, complete with duck-world movie posters (Breeders of the Lost Stork, anyone?) and fine feathered fowls galore. But the ending shot, when the Dark Lord assumes his true form, was hokey even by 1986 standards. Lucas’ own Industrial Light and Magic showed us what could be done with stop-motion animation with Return of the Jedi’s Rancor scene three years earlier; the Dark Lord looks like a toy in comparison.
Add some really bad lines to the mix (“Of all the alleys in the world, why did I have to fall into yours?”), and you’ve got the makings of a real flop, which Howard the Duck truly was.
And yet….
I still enjoy it, and keep coming back for more. And who knows. Maybe someday they’ll release it on DVD. With eggstra features, of course.
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