The Howling , directed by Joe Dante is often viewed as a classic horror movie. For some reason I haven't actually seen it, but noticing some of the sequels were available on budget DVD over here, I decided I would pick up parts 3,4 and 6 and see what they were like. First of the bat, naturally starting in chronological order, was Howling III:The Marsupials.

The movie follows a female Wolfwoman/marsupial thing named Jerboa (Imogen Annesley - Queen of the Damned) who is part of a tribe of werewolf things living in the Australian outback. She is running away from the head of the tribe Thylo (Max Fairchild - Mad Max 2) and goes off to see the world.

Meanwhile, we are introduced to a proffessor of something Harry Beckmeyer (Barry Otto - The Punisher (1989)) who believes in werewolves because of a video his gramps shot in the outback of a werewolf, the video the last thing anyone ever heard from his gramps. His friend is the rather sceptical Proffessor Sharp (Ralph Cotterill - TV's Ultraman: Towards the Future).

On her little voyage of the world, Jerboa meets and falls for a B-movie actor named Donny (Leigh Biolos - Great Expectations:The Untold Story) who gets her a job in movies.

But as the pair, who also have a child, which crawls out of Jerboa's pouch, and the Proffessor discover, the world wants these wolfpeople killed. Will they be able to let their relationship flourish? will the wolf people ever be accepted?where do the KGB and Russian Ballerina She-Wolfs come into it? all and more is revealed in this piece of Aussie cinema from 1987.

Now, if you are wondering why I have given so little time to plot in this review, its because the movie is absolutely appalling, and I really don't feel up to giving away more of life watching it again to get clear on the plot.

The acting in this movie is for the most part terrible. Otto is ok, and Cotterill, who plays a minor part doesn't offend me either. But the rest of the cast are just plain poor. Wooden line deliveries, emotionless as steel, you name it, it applies to the cast of this horrible, horrible attempt at a movie. Dame Edna Everidge (aka Barry Humphries) makes a little appearance at the end that is more interesting and well acted than pretty much everything else in the film.

The music in the film is instantly forgettable, if innofensive in the context it is used. Nothing at all specatacular to report.

The special effects in the movie are, well, embarassing. The Werewolves, what little we see of them, look stupid, and given that they aren't even ever made to appear remotely scary just makes you wonder why they even bothered. The baby...thing also looks like it was made out of rubber.

Howling 3 commits the most horrible of crimes by simply being the most boring movie of all time. It's far too talky, and when nothing of any great interest is said in these talky scenes, you just have a waste of time on your hands. The film clanks on about a race of wolf like creatures in Australia that are thought to be extinct because people believed them to somehow be linked to Satan, I think the Wolf/marsupial people things are meant to be related to them in some way, however it wasn't really clear and Im certainly not watching this waste of time again.

The movie has faults all over the shop, the most notable being the one right at the end. You see, The prof is living in the outback with two kids after falling for a were-thing woman, and Donny pays him a visit telling him that they are now accepted as people, and can come back to civilisation. Cue to Jerboa winning an award for her acting, but the camera flashes cause her to transform. Everyone in attendance seems shocked and disgusted by this, hardly the reaction you would expect considering what Donny told the professor is it? that's only one though, but the movie is just full of stupid things like this.

A lot of people claim this is some sort of comedy, but I see no humour in it, not even unintentional humour. All I see is a boring waste of people's time and lives. This may be my shortest movie review ever, but as long as it stops anyone wasting their time with this steaming pile of garbage, I will feel it will have been worth it. The film actually hurts my head to think about, and earns a place in the hall of shame that is the worst movies I have ever seen. Yes, ones that even I can't find anything likeable within.

Personally, I wouldn't recommend even looking at the box of this if you see it in a shop. The fact that the box is misleading offends me further, it constantly talks about how the wolves are 'Agents of Satan', yet there is nothing demonic about them, and old Nick only gets a throwaway mention.

If you only listen to one of my reviews, make it this one. Do not see this movie. If it is on TV, go out that night just in case you accidentally channel hop onto it. Show caution when looking in the 'H' section of your local DVD store, just avoid this movie as much as possible.

Recommended:
No

Viewing Format: DVD
Video Occasion: None of the Above