It's tough to contemplate why people remake classic movies. Sure the title will bring people into cinemas, but there is always a high chance you will set yourself up for a critical mauling by desecrating a cherished piece of cinema. Why anyone would even contemplate a remake of 1933's King Kong, a picture that still works well today, is anyones guess, but in 1976, Dino de Laurentis produced one, which is now almost unanimously regarded as one of the worst examples of a remake in the history of cinema.

I have to admit that with even this in mind, I went into this film with a fairly unclouded view. I had never seen it, but had to assume that it would be better than Godzilla, despite the fact the movie is older than me, and after all, my love of Godzilla movies has brought about a certain 'giant-monster-tolerance' in me. And after all, it only cost me around a fiver, so it isn't like I wasted all that much money(well not while they sell The Calcium Kid for £15 anyway) if the film turned out dreadful.

Believe it or not, this wasn't actually the first attempt to bring Kong back to cinema screens. After the poorly recieved follow up, Son of Kong in 1934, and Kong's trips to Japan for 1962's King Kong Vs. Godzilla and it's sequel King Kong Escapes, Hammer films tried to bring him back in a 1966 picture that would have sported special effects by Ray Harryhausen, the man regarded as the maestro of stop-motion animation. Sadly Hammer couldn't secure the rights, although Harryhausen did get to unleash some Stop-Motion prehistoric monsters in One Million Years BC, but sadly he never got to realise his plans for Kong. Enter Dino De Laurentis, who snapped up the rights to the name, but even then this movie wasn't his first choice. Initially plans were made to do a faithful remake of the original, set in the 1930s and all, only to have this plan nixed in favour of a 'modern' take on the world's most famous monster movie.

The movie still wasn't exactly plain sailing, first there was De Laurentis' son's potentially offensive declaration that he would prefer a black man to play King Kong, because they were closer to primates(!), and the fact that anyone had to don the suit at all, given that a million dollars was getting thrown at Carlo Rambaldi to build a giant mechanical Kong, which eventually only actually appeared for under a minute's footage!

So, how did I, a giant monster-movie lover, react to 1976's King Kong? well, the fact that the thing I remember most about the movie was how much Jeff Bridges sounded like Don 'The Dragon' Wilson should tell you something about the film. You see, for one hell of a flaw before I even get around to talking about the movie's content, the fact that it's a giant monster movie that runs well over 2 hours really didn't bode all that well, especially when you take into account just how little of the film is taken up by anything that could be classed as 'exciting'. I was even more stunned to discover that there is 45 minutes of additional footage added when the film airs on television! Actually, what the hell is with that, why isn't the DVD of the full version of the film, christ I wouldn't particularly want to sit through much more, but most of it actually sounds like Kong Vs. New York action I would want to see, and if you are paying for the movie, I think you deserve the full thing.

So what of the actual film then, exactly what did they add that expanded upon the classy Black and White original film? Not all that much really.

The movie follows the crew of a ship destined for a remote South-Pacific Island which is permanently enshrouded in a mysterious fog. A man from the Petrox Oil company named Fred Wilson(Charles Grodin - Rosemary's Baby) uncovers details of the island, and believes that the fog is somehow caused by oil repositories. However, his ship has a stowaway in the form of a zoologist named Jack Prescott(Jeff Bridges - Starman) who believes that the island is actually home to some form of gigantic animal, a beast which actually causes the mist with it's breath.

Deciding that Jack could prove useful, and there really isn't much choice, Wilson enlists him to help out on the ship, and it isn't long before another unexpected party joins the crew, as Jack spots a rubber dinghy floating in the ocean after a storm. Inside is the sole survivor of a yacht party, a beautiful woman named Dwan(Jessica Lange - Rob Roy). Naturally every member of the all-male crew has a thing for her, but it's Jack that catches her eye, and she even joins the boys on their first expedition onto the Island.

After much exploration, the gang stumble upon a primitive tribe, who seem to be praying to some form of deity, a deity to which they have constructed a giant wall to protect themselves from. Upon seeing Dwan, with her golden hair and pale skin, the tribe offers everything they have in exchange for her, only to be turned down. In the meantime, Fred manages to get a sample of what looks like oil, and everyone retreats back to the boat, so Fred can get this oily substance checked out.

However, during the night, some of the islanders sneak out on a raft and kidnap Dwan to take her back to the island to be given to Kong as a bride. Upon realising her disappearance, the crew set back for the Island, where a camp is set up on the beach and a search party sent into the jungle to locate Dwan and Kong.

During this time, Kong has fallen in love with Dwan, and even protects her from the attack of a giant snake, but when her friends show up to rescue her, he is most unhappy, and only Jack, who manages to rescue her, escapes alive, making it back to camp only to find that Fred has changed his plans wholesale with regards to what they are taking back to America with them. You see, the 'oil' they found won't actually be useable for a few thousand years, but Fred can't go back empty handed, so he concocts a trap to KO Kong, before the primate is placed in the hold of the oil-tanker the crew have with them for transport back to America.

Despite Prescott's complaints, Fred makes a show out of Kong, and his debut will be his unveiling in New York, complete with a ceremony featuring Dwan, who sees this as her chance to make it as an actress. However, as she is hassled by photographers, Kong is incensed and breaks from his bonds, taking his bride and going on a rampage through New York, climaxing atop the World Trade Center.

Exactly where to begin talking about the movie I'm not sure. I suppose that, in it's defence, it does stick to the plot of the original movie fairly closely, but the problem is that the things it does change are almost unanimously bad. For a start, the replacement of Kong's iconic battles with the Dinosaurs of Skull Island with Rick Baker in a monkey suit wrestling a dreadful rubber snake, for a second the climactic battle between Kong and the airforce, and generally everything the ape does, which kind of sucks, given that those were the bits I was looking forward to. In the film's pros in terms of changes, I suppose that the transformation of the human cast from a film-crew to an oil expedition is more plausible, but this, along with the Dinosaur cull, seems to come from some ridiculous attempt at 'realism' that the movie is going for, which it might have achieved if made with a bigger budget and a better cast. Even then, it's attempts at 'realism' do nothing but date it. Sure the original may seem dated, but it has a timeless fantastic adventure spirit to it. This film reeks of 1970s. Hippies, bad haircuts, Deep Throat references, bad fashion...the lot.

Speaking of the hippies, god Prescott is a confused hero. While he makes lots of noises about Kong's well-being, and is your standard high-and-mighty moral hero when it comes to the ape and his life, he has no problems about giving Dwan a chincilla-fur coat.

Even the character of Kong gets a royal shafting in regards to what I have come to expect from the character. This entry, despite seeming to spend around half an hour on scenes of he and Dwan 'bonding', this entry just doesn't manage to get you to care for the big ape, and it doesn't even touch me in the least when it is felled from it's perch.

Possibly the most offensive thing about the movie is how ungodly boring it is. Seriously, 2 hours of sitting in the bath would be more exciting, and the word 'overblown running time' has never been done more justice by a movie.

The film isn't done any favours by it's acting either. Lange is awesome on the eyes, but puts in one of the most wooden performances the screen has ever seen, Bridges does what he can with a pompous and irritating role and the only salvation is provided by Grodin's scenery chewing performance of an otherwise boring character.

Both a bad performance and a special effect is Kong himself. Rick Baker has clearly never actually seen an ape, or deliberately chose not to act like one, and while the suit is more realistic than the suit Toho used for their Kong, it's still clearly a man in a monkey suit, and on more occasions than not it's simply cringe-worthy.

Actually, that applies to most special effects in the film. Until those god-awful Lord of the Rings films won anything, easily the Academy's worst decision was awarding this film an effects oscar. I kid you not that the 1933 version has better effects, and some of the utterly worthless matte work made me think of Yongary: Monster from the Deep more than King Kong.
Easily the worst effect in the film short of this is the snake which Kong wrestles. Basically Rick Baker, in a monkey suit, rolls around, trying to give the impression this rubber snake is alive. This film is a special effects nightmare.

In the movie's defence, the score, from John Barry is pretty impressive, building up a real sense of tension to Kong's emergence, and generally all of his scenes. It's just a real shame that the onscreen events never match it, and really, when backed against such a serious and quality score, are just made to look even more silly.

At the end of the day, while not as nefariously bad as Godzilla, there is no doubt that King Kong is a disaster movie of the kind no company wants, and even though it proved profitable at the box office, it really is quite an outrageously bad movie, that does nothing but sully the good name of it's original source. Somehow De Laurentis managed to get director John Guillermin back to do a sequel a while later, and King Kong Lives is probably the only movie in the franchise to recieve more of a critical gutting than this one, although that may have turned out even more comical if De Laurentis had got his way, his original plan was to pit Kong against the titular monster from his equally bad Jaws-rip-off, Orca The Killer Whale. I half wish this had went ahead, just to witness how bad it could actually turn out.
When all is said and done, I don't really see much reason for anyone to really want to see this movie, unless they want to get warmed up for Peter Jackson's upcoming remake with a movie that may actually be impossible to top in terms of badness(although Jackson's casting has got him off to a rip-roaring start). Kong fans? stick to the original. Actually, everyone, stick to the original.

Year: 1976
Titles: King Kong
King Kong - The Legend Reborn

King Kong Related Reviews
King Kong (1933)
King Kong Vs. Godzilla

Recommended:
No

Viewing Format: DVD