Note: 9/18/04: This was one of the first reviews I wrote a little over two years ago. Looking back at it in a fit of unexpected nostalgia, I felt I had been overly harsh on a film that is, essentially, a piece of low-budget fun. So, I've decided to take a second look at it, and essentially rewrite it with a new overall rating.

Harkening all the way back to 1989,herein you will find a review of a movie that takes balls.Well, ok; I meant basketballs, as in; the world is saved in a high-school basketball game. Not since "Killer Klowns From Outer Space" has the Kidden Couple (Yours Truly, and my wife, Constant Leigh Kidden)seen such an...well...oddly-based film. After the movie I departed from the room,to discuss it with myself on the Porcelain Seat of Contemplation, and the following dialog ensued between the living room and the Cubicle of Cleanliness and Reverie:

Wife: "Hey, yoo-hoo, Hugh!"
Me: "Must you yodel my name like that?"
Wife: "Are you going to actually write a review of this bizzarro thing?"
Me: "Maybe...are there any Cheetos left?"

So, after completing the task at hand,I decided to go for it. Monster High stars Dean Iandoli as supremely average student Norm Median who is your basic nonentity in MONtgomery STERling High School, much like your faithful scribe had been, with nothing more on his mind than getting into the pants of French foreign exchange student Candice Cain, (get it?) yet fate in the form of the unexpected arrival on Earth of Glume (Sean Haines) and Dume, (Robert Lind) two bubbleheaded intergalactic rap star/thieves in spandex pajamas with a stolen doomsday device (which happens to be identical to a basketball...this movie can't stop having a thing with balls) intervenes.

The basketball/doom-dealer contains none other than Mr. Armageddon (David Marriot) who has been asleep for a thousand years, and awakens ready, willing, and able to destroy the Earth. (Maybe if he had been offered a good strong cup of coffee, things would've been different.)

Anyhow Norm, Candace, and "stoner" friend Orson "O.D." Davis, (Doug Kerzner) the prerequisite space cadet, guess what those initials stand for,plus their buddy Mel Anoma,(David Fuhrer)and ultra-conservative student Paul Smith (Kevin Dominguez) must face not only Mr. Armageddon himself and the two bubbleheads, but wealthy student Todd Uppington Smythe III (David Bloch)who is killed with Mr. Armegeddon's deadly "Can O' Condom" spray which applies a quick- drying latex sheath to his face that kills him and then resurrects him as a preppie flesh-eating zombie, plus a reanimated wandering mummy that had been a student's science project, a stone gargoyle come to life and rabidly eager for sex, a giant furry rug with leaves...excuse me...a giant killer mutated marijuana plant,planted by O.D. and given a secretive evoluntionary "shove" by Mr. Armageddon, and a thing that came out of Paul Smith's microwaved sneakers and ate him. Well, you see, the shoes were wet, and Paul put them in the microwave oven to dry them; Mr. Armageddon waved his magic fingers, and...you get the idea.

Norm discovers the plot to destroy the world, and meets and makes a deal with Mr. Armageddon...his team of monsters against the high school's finest athletes(coached by none other than Mr. Otto Parts...gads...I love these names) in a basketball game with the highest stakes possible...if Armageddon wins, he destroys the Earth... if Norm's team wins, Mr. Armageddon must leave for another thousand years. No pressure there, right? Just an easy scrimmage...

Okay... so much for the silliest concept for a plot that I've seen in years: The rest enters the realm of the "campy" and ridiculous with a brave grin and take-no-prisoners defiance of common sense. The film was shot in three days using an actual high school as the only set, and on such a low budget that the props department appear to not even afford high-quality plastic in the Glume and Dume's rayguns, and fallen beams in an earthquake scene slowly shed shreds of Styrofoam. Gratuitous jahoobie shots frolic throughout the film along with silly dialog and corny oneliners: "You were in advanced sex ed?" "Weren't you? Oh..right..you took band".

Dean Iandoli is a passable Norm, but not really memorable, which, I guess, was the idea, although he looks older than the seventeen years his character is supposed to be.

Although she looks good in the role,Diana Frank's Candy Cain is dull, with a highly unbelieveable French accent. She doesn't have much affect or expression, and her performance is mostly lackluster.

I liked Doug Kerzner's Orson "O.D." Davis. This character is the protoypical "stoner" type student, yet with a cheery good heart and not without a great heap of courage.

David Marriot is pretty cool as Mr. Armageddon...he is a HUGE man, and looks menacing, intimidating, and ridiculous all at once with style and panache. He's fully aware that his character is a farce, and he plays it well. I love the timing of his "Caught it on the fly!" line, as a fireball he throws at Norm is batted back by Norm into Mr. Armageddon's crotch.

Monster High contains no real depth, suspense, or sense, but is fun in a "campy", light-hearted sort of way,if only because I couldn't believe how ludicrous, yet actually good it was, and how much more absurd it had become by the time it reached its conclusion. A blockbuster this is not; yet a fun, silly film it is.






Yours until someone releases a sequel to "Plan 9 From Outer Space"...
Hugh U. Kidden

Recommended:
Yes

Viewing Format: VHS
Video Occasion: Good for a Rainy Day
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 13 and Older