I guess you really can’t do that on television these days…
Written: Aug 20 '01
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Scenes from a great, old show; Some never-before-seen footage
Cons: Newer cast members; Hard to find; Not long enough
The Bottom Line: Four stars for the tape, but five stars for the show. When is somebody going to put this back on the air?
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| cactus_matt's Full Review: Nickelodeon Presents - The Worst of "You Can't Do ... |
It was back in roughly 1981 that a fledgling television network called Nickelodeon attained airing rights to the Canadian children’s show You Can’t do That on Television. A sort of ‘Laugh-in’ for kids, YCDTOTV combined crude slapstick humor with the ensemble charm of a number of talented young people to create something the likes of which we’d yet to see. It was this show that put Nickelodeon on the map and made it what it is today. Unfortunately, Nickelodeon is a little less than grateful.
YCDTOTV was based on a format of miscellaneous sketches with ‘links’ in between. The sketches would highlight the way kids felt they were treated, all while poking fun at the institutions of family, medicine, and education. Every episode was about a particular topic, and the sketches were written accordingly. The links, short scenes that took place against the well-known blue and white geometric backdrop, served as a way to maintain an ongoing storyline and as a showcase for each kid’s individual personality.
The link set was also home to the show’s infamous ‘green slime,’ a shower of revolting glop that would rain down upon anyone so unlucky as to utter the phrase “I don’t know.” In addition, a bucket of water was waiting for whoever happened to use the word in a sentence. These factors were all part of what made YCDTOTV so unique.
The show started off as an hour-long, live production in 1979 (shortened to a half-hour in 1981). From the start, the young cast was held together by an old television veteran named Les Lye, who gave life to each and every adult male character on the show. The range of talent he displayed over the years could never be overappreciated. Another mainstay from early on was Christine McGlade, the show’s host, who often acted as a metaphorical punching bag for the rest of the cast. Later on, an older actress named Abby Hagyard was brought in to portray numerous adult female characters on the show. As the years passed, many, many cast members came and went. Only Les Lye stayed for the show’s entire run.
Nickelodeon aired YCDTOTV up to four times a day at one point in history, partly because of its incredible popularity with the American audience, and partly because they lacked an extensive lineup. Around 1985, Christine began taking a more marginal role on the show. She was now in her early twenties, old enough that she wanted out to consider more prosperous acting roles. About halfway through the 1986 season, she took part in her final episode, being tossed out of the studio in a garbage bag at the end of the show. The program was now in the hands of the younger cast, who had luckily been around long enough to accumulate some solid acting capabilities. YCDTOTV, however, was never completely the same without Christine McGlade.
The 1987 season was marked by having an episode based on adoption banned from American airwaves. Apparently, they took their distinctive brand of crude humor a bit too far. The show was met with a production hiatus in 1988 as producer Roger Price took his leave in Europe. Nickelodeon continued to constantly play reruns during this time. YCDTOTV returned in 1989 with a whole new cast, although they were mostly inexperienced and spent too much time trying to act like the kids who came before them. It never managed to regain its former popularity.
Only a handful of episodes were made in 1990 before the show was put out to pasture. Its uncouth manner simply held no place in the nineties. Nickelodeon wasn’t worried – by now they could stand on their own two feet. Sparse weekend reruns continued until 1993 when YCDTOTV suddenly and unceremoniously disappeared from the lineup. No great sendoff for the show that made the network a household name. Nickelodeon still takes credit and uses green slime as their defining trademark to this day.
Okay, now that we’re through the ‘E! True Hollywood Story,’ let’s talk about the tape. This was one of the few commercial releases made available by Nickelodeon for YCDTOTV fans. An earlier version of this tape yielded basically the same material, although it featured some of the older cast members. This one is hosted by Chris Bickford, Jennifer Brackenbury, and Christian Tessier, three kids from the 1989-90 seasons. This tape, as late as it was made, probably includes some of the last YCDTOTV footage ever shot.
The tape opens with an FBI Warning that jokingly spouts, “The copying of this tape, or of the test answers from the kid sitting next to you, can be punished by being boiled in oil, stretched on the rack, shot, or being forced to watch this tape over and over until it wears out.” YCDTOTV always was self-depreciative, hence why the tape is titled ‘the worst of.’ A sampling of the different show spoofs that were pre-empted over the years, such as ‘Reading Rambo,’ is offered at the beginning of the presentation. This is followed by a sped-up version of YCDTOTV’s Monty Python-esque introduction sequence and the opening titles.
Ross Ewich (say it fast), Les Lye’s production assistant character, is shown on the link set counting his profits from the video sales. He lambastes viewers for having been so stupid as to purchase it. Cut to a scene with Barth, the unsanitary burger chef character. Barth has been asked to do a children’s cooking segment for the tape. He says that he’s never cooked a child before, but that it’s probably the same as cooking anything else – just whack it on the head and shove it in the old meat grinder. He asks for a child volunteer from the audience and doesn’t get a response.
Chris, Jennifer, and Christian are on the link set to talk about what they’ll be showing. Chris narrates a Star Wars style scrolling text history of the show and covers Christine’s early years. They then talk about kids getting too old for the show, and about having to hold auditions for new kids. They show an early ‘audition’ skit with first-year cast member Kevin Schenk dressing up as Shirley Temple. They show another with first-year cast member Jono Gebert, who is standing on the link set with Ross, back when the show was in front of a live audience. Ross is frustrated because Jono is wearing all white, which will supposedly be detrimental to the cameras. Ross subsequently forces Jono to remove his shirt and pants for the audition.
They then show one of the very first YCDTOTV scenes, where Ross has white hair and looks completely different from how we’re used to seeing him. He teaches Jono how to do a weather report by dumping buckets of cold water over his head. Back at the link set, Jennifer says that this proves without a doubt that Ross dyes his hair. Ross counters that it’s not his hair at all – it belongs to an actor named Les Lye, who plays all the ‘mature adults’ on the show. They play a montage of Les taking part in his various roles.
They proceed to talk about how many different kids have been on the show, and quickly cycle pictures of cast members from over the years, throwing in shots of hamsters and dogs for fun. There are a lot of kids, and most of them you probably won’t recognize. Chris, Jennifer, and Christian talk about making mistakes while filming the show. A blooper reel is played with outtakes from different years of production.
A introduction is made to ‘the best scenes ever.’ The most notable of these is ‘The Big Bird Celebrity Roast’ at Barth’s, where Barth wheels out Big Bird’s chargrilled carcass to the dismay of awaiting fans. YCDTOTV really did step over the line a lot of times, sometimes to the point where I, as a young child, didn’t exactly enjoy watching it. It takes seeing this stuff today, when it could never be done again, to appreciate it.
Back on the link set, Ross has his arms around the kids, saying that the best thing about being on a show for so long is working with such a wonderful group of child actors. The kids conclude that this is just the introduction to the tape’s selection of ‘opposite sketches.’ These were scenes where reality was inverted – for example, the kids loved going to school, but their parents wanted them to stay home and watch television.
Chris, Jennifer, and Christian introduce a segment about water scenes. A montage is shown – no lead-ins or dialogue, just kids having water dumped over their heads. They go on to talk about green slime, and show the first ever sliming. This took place before they began using “I don’t know.” A kid is chained up in a dungeon and is told not to try and yank the chains from the wall. He does anyway, a flushing sound is heard, and a primitive version of green slime is dumped on him. On the link set, Ross talks about how food slop and fish heads were left to fester in the sun before turning into green slime. The kids talk about how a famous multi-colored slime scene involving Christine was shown in the beginning of the movie Fatal Attraction. They show the scene along with a montage of kids being slimed, much in the fashion of the water montage before it.
After the slime montage, the kids close the presentation and Ross tries to sell them copies of the tape. The kids resolve that they’ll just pick copies out of peoples’ garbage cans the next week. The credits roll, showcasing roughly every person to have ever worked on the show.
Now, obviously, YCDTOTV is something today’s parents will probably want to keep away from their kids. The tape is old and rare enough that finding it for that purpose wouldn’t be worth the effort, anyway. It isn’t going to provide you with hours of sophisticated humor. It’s only a half-hour long, and the best use for it is to try and provide an old fan of the show with a trip down memory lane. Even then, it doesn’t represent YCDTOTV all that sufficiently. A lot of time is spent on shallow novelties rather than legitimate moments from the show. Chris, Jennifer, and Christian are the most outstanding of all the 1989-90 cast members, but if you’re like me, your fondest memories will be of the show’s earlier years.
Unless you’ve got an extremely vivid recollection of YCDTOTV already, then you’ll probably be better off seeking bootleg copies of the actual episodes. If you do happen to possess the latter, however, then The Worst of You Can’t do That on Television will be a great addition to your collection, full of rare footage and interesting facts. Your only problem will be getting your hands on a copy of it.
Recommended:
Yes
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cactus_matt
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Location: Florida
Reviews written: 40
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