Plot Details: This opinion reveals major details about the movie's plot.

From the demented mind that brought you the “One Person Write-Off” and “The Pauly Shore Tribute Week”, Freak369 proudly presents The 31 Flavors of Horror.

Everyone knows that vampires need blood to survive. Once Bitten puts a little bit of a spin on things when they throw a little loophole into the mix – The Countess, Lauren Hutton, must feast upon virgin blood every so often to sustain her beauty. Enter Mark, inexperienced, teen-age, virgin … everything The Countess is looking for.

Once Bitten could have been one of the big players in the 1985 film scene – and it was up against some big names … Breakfast Club, Back To The Future, Fright Night and Jagged Edge to name just a few. Alas, it’s laced with watered down characters, a simplistic plot and an all too predictable ending. I mean, come on, did you really think he’d end up “crossing over” and joining The Countess’ flock of undead?

Like most teen vampire films, the lead character, Mark, comes from a home where at least one parent is present – meaning visible in the plot - [in his case two loveable yet out in left field type parental units], has a steady love interest yet seeks to go further in the sex department and has a few assorted friends that always seem to get him into trouble. We’ve seen the same story over and over again – be it horror, dark comedy or a combination of both. Nothing new in the plot area but to give you, the reader, the full low down keep reading for the plot.

The Countess finds herself in Los Angeles, the mecca for sex and corruption, seeking virgin blood. Now, what’s wrong with this picture? Why go to Los Angeles? Why not stick with small rural towns or even better yet – The Bible Belt. The clock is ticking for her and she get’s more and more desperate as the days, errrrr nights, go on. She finds a specimen, Mark, and seduces him into coming back to “her place” after they hook up at a dating club. Again, this is a huge hole in the plot of the film – and yes I understand it is a comedy and not supposed to be picked apart – but come on – looking for a virgin in Los Angeles?

After the first bite by The Countess she realizes that he just might be the last virgin she’ll come across for a long time. Robin and Mark’s parents start to notice the changes but don’t make a connection. I mean, face it, how many vampires are roaming around Los Angeles looking for virgin blood? [On second thought, don’t answer that] Mark chucks some hamburger blood [Kool-Aid], starts sleeping in a footlocker and get’s “gothic white”.

Jamie and Russ, Marks friends start to get concerned when he asks for a burger – bloody rare. This coming from the same person that wouldn’t eat a burger in the past until it was burnt to a crisp and even then he said it was “still moving”. Jamie and Russ soon become outcasts after they are caught in a rather precarious position in the shower while trying to see if Mark had been bitten on the thigh. If you’ve seen any of the Porky’s films you know the kind of humor they are going after… if it can be called humor that is.

The final showdown comes at the dance when The Countess and robin face off in some demented, suburban, mid 80’s version of Dance Fever minus Deney Terrio. As with most comedy / vampire / teen flicks the goody goody virgin wins her man back, vanquishes the evil and doesn’t break a sweat doing it. Well, maybe she did break a sweat in the coffin with Mark, but as The Countess points out “You may have done it, but you certainly didn’t have the time to enjoy it”.


My Take

Being one of Carrey’s earlier films it’s refreshing to see him play a character – not overplay it. Sebastian’s character, played by Cleavon Little, really helps to bring a little more humor into play even though most of it is from his gestures and facial expressions rather than snappy one-liners. Mark’s friends were a little too wimpy for me and I really believe that if they were a little more defined it would have given the plot a little more strength.

It’s a ‘fun’ movie – with a few laughs and a storyline that has been told a thousand times. If you really want a “good” vampire comedy try Love At First Bite, Dracula In The Provinces or Vampire In Brooklyn. By using the term “good” I only mean that these are a cut above Once Bitten, not that you will necessarily enjoy them.


The Stars

Jim Carrey Mark Kendall
[Man on the Moon, Liar Liar, Dumb and Dumber]

Mark is your typical high school kid. He drives an ice cream truck, has a dedicated girlfriend, loving parents and a vampire stalking him for his virgin blood. I am sure Carrey would love to sweep this film under the carpet – it reeks of teen romance and is just “too cute”. A far cry from his recent roles, Once Bitten almost passes as an acceptable film – until Carrey starts up with the overacting.

The Countess Lauren Hutton
[American Gigolo, Gator, Fear]

As female vampires go, one could do a lot worse than be ravaged by Lauren Hutton. Personally I would have liked to have seen her be just a little more wicked – but then again this was a somewhat lighthearted teen / coming of age / losing virginity flick. Hutton does a good job with her character however seeing her change to an old feeble lady at the end is probably a preview of her future vanity if she ever lays off the plastic surgery, tummy tucks and skin peels.

Most times she plays the part of a “surrogate mother” to those she has converted, especially when they start knocking down doors and breaking things – “Did you even try the doorknob? You know, I do have to pay for every thing you break…” Sorry sweets, but if you were really the undead you wouldn’t concern yourself with such mortal things.

Karen Kopins Robin Pierce
[Troop Beverly Hills, Jake Speed

Hate to say it but these types of characters make me want to puke – candy coated, too innocent and holding out for the best deal. She’s hardly a match for The Countess – on any level. Her character is more annoying than anything – sorry but if my boyfriend kept showing up with missing buttons I’d do more than just stomp my foot and pout.

Critics had her pegged as being the “up and coming star” over Carrey – and how they came to that conclusion is beyond my realm of comprehension. Sure didn’t really do anything too outstanding in the film – if it were left up to me she would have had bigger breasts and less speaking parts – and maybe even super powered, demon fighting breasts. I am sure Mattjoe and the other male members of Epinions will agree, bigger breasts = bigger ratings.

Cleavon Little Sebastian
[Fletch Lives, Toy Soldiers, FM]

It’s never really established if Sebastian is gay or not so you have to come to your own conclusions on that subject. As a minion [servant] of The Countess he takes care of a majority of her daytime activities while she’s deep in her eternal vampire slumber. He puts a real spin on the typical character and helps to move the film from “boring” to “slightly amusing”.


Who Might Like This

Fans of Carrey may find this a little interesting. Unlike most of his more recent films, there’s not much overacting / ego masturbating / showboating going on here. Sure he does a few faces here and there but for the most part he does a pretty good job being a teenager again. AOnce Bitten has been running on Saturdays on TBS, TNT and Fox for the past few months and if you are interested in checking out the television version [about 10 minutes shorter than the ‘theatric’ version] cruise the movie section of your weekly TV Guide or local newspaper.

Why Blockbuster has this in the horror section is beyond me. It just goes to show that you don’t have to know anything about movies to work there. Hollywood wasn’t much better – they had this in the “adventure” section. Adventure? Yeah, if you downed a family sized bottle of Robitussin and a few shots of vodka this could be considered an adventure.

Pound for pound, this was just “too cute” for me or my taste. Even for a typical teen / coming of age / stalked by a stacked vampire this really lacked any backbone. That’s not to say that you won’t find a few laughs here or there – but I certainly won’t tell you to run out and rent it.

The Stats

Rating: PG-13
[Adult Content]
Released November 15, 1985
Run Time: 94 Minutes
Directed By: Howard Storm

Gore Level: 1 A few drops of fake blood, white paste make up and some missing buttons do not a horror film make.


As always, thanks for the visit!

^V^ Freak ^V^

Something to think about - if Mark's two friends were also virgin's - why didn't she go after them?








Recommended: Yes

Viewing Format: VHS
Video Occasion: Fit for Friday Evening
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 13 and Older
Special Effects: Well at least you can't see the strings