Plot Details: This opinion reveals minor details about the movie's plot.


I'll keep this one nice and focused.

Plan 9 is the worst movie ever made. This is not only held true by me, but also by the American Film Institute. Many people throw the term “worst *blank* ever” around with hyperbole, but Plan 9 is literally the worst movie ever made. I’m not exaggerating. It's hard to fathom something this awful, but, well, here we are.

I want to delve as little into the inane plot as little as possible (aliens resurrecting the dead to form a zombie army to conquer earth) because, before the stupidity of the plot allows itself to be considered, a dump truck full of continuity errors just drops it’s whole friggin’ load right on your lap. Day becomes night and night becomes day in a fraction of a second; the set NEVER changes whenever the characters spend time in the cemetery, which is about half of the movie, for God’s sake; the props are constantly recycled from scene to scene; the grand emperor of the aliens is wearing a medieval tunic for some reason; etcetera. If you approach this movie as if you would any serious piece of cinema than you will be shock and amazed at the grave robbers from outer space, but in a totally different way than Ed Wood (director) intended.

BUT THAT’S THE BEAUTY OF PLAN 9! is what that rare and confusing breed of Ed Wood fans would say. Listen, I am a very big fan of ironic items: I’ve listened to Macho Man Randy Savage’s new album more than once, I have a Kingdom Come poster on my wall, and I find myself inclined to sit through ridiculous amounts of Mystery Science Theater 3000, even when Joel/Mike and the bots are not being funny at all. In spite of all this, I still maintain that Plan 9 is just so gosh-darn awful that it is too far removed for ironic sympathy. I found myself reeling with nausea and irritation by the end of the movie. Horrible.

Filth like this is so entrenched with badness that it should not be viewed by anyone. The whole premise for me watching this movie was that I should ‘give it a chance’, because it’s Ed Wood’s ‘magnum opus’, and I must admit that I found Plan 9’s not-in-the-same-universe runner-up “Manos: The Hands of Fate” (2nd worst movie, I’d say) mildly amusing – and besides, after I saw Plan 9, I felt like I would have bragging rights for all eternity.

Big mistake. It sucked. That’s my whole damn conclusion. This movie is the physical transubstantiation of awful. Watching it made me angry – if there’s anything that’s a sign of a bad movie, this is it.

So, don’t see it, not even out of irony or silliness. And the worst thing is by ranting and raving about the movie is that I’ve probably inspired some twisted fascination in you to drive you to actually go out and rent the movie. So be my guest: just don’t expect me to ever subject myself to that excruciating torture ever again.


Recommended: No

Viewing Format: VHS