Oh, how bad is this movie? Let me count the ways. Think of the best movie ever. Now think of everything that makes that movie good. Now think of the opposites of the traits of the good movie. Multiply all the opposite bad traits by, let's say, one thousand and we've only scratched the surface of how bad this movie is. Think I'm joking? Well you haven't seen the 1979 release Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

First of all, it's a movie based on a Beatles album with Beatles music featuring... the Bee Gees and Peter Frampton? What the hell do these two acts have to do with anything? Secondly, the movie was released twelve years after the legendary album, so I can't really see a reason why this movie was made in the first place. If they were trying to cash in on the Beatles, well, at least successfully, they would have released about ten years prior. Thirdly, I can honestly say that this movie has no plot. What little storyline there is (something about magical instruments and the evil Mean Mr. Mustard) is based around the music, which connects rather poorly to the rest of the story. Nothing makes sense here. It's just random Beatles songs ruined along with gay imagery and repulsive dancing.

This movie is probably the worst movie I've ever seen. Normally with bad movies I enjoy watching the stupidity because it becomes inadvertiantly funny, but this... ugh, it's horrible. It needs multiple occasions to watch, which is exactly how I saw it (MuchMoreMusic shows this movie about once a month, which is another sign that the apocalypse is upon us. I've seen about ten fifteen minute portions of the movie. That's all I can take in one sitting). It's unwatchable. Period.

Okay, so you know that the movie is bad, but who cares? What about the music? Well, let's just say that they made elevator music out of every damn Beatles song ever. I never thought that a tune as great as "You Never Give Me Your Money" could be ruined, but here we are. The movie sinks into it's deepest stinkholes when Steve Martin, playing the maniacal Maxwell Edison, sings "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" and confuses absolutely everyone involved (including himself). I can't make a lick of sense out of this song, as well as "Because" (preformed by Alice Cooper), "When I'm 64" (preformed by Frankie Howard (Mean Mr. Mustard) and the beautiful Sandy Farina (Strawberry Fields (Yes, that's actually her name))), and the unintelligible "Get Back" by Billy Preston, who plays some sort of yellow magic trumpet angel who can fly and resurrect people from the dead.

Frampton plays Billy Shears (quite horribly, I might add), and the rest of the Bee Gees make up for the rest of Sgt. Pepper's band. If you want to see these four make complete asses of themselves, watch this movie. This kind of nonsense can tarnish someones career forever (Example: where's Frampton now?). You can interpret it as a pro or a con, but the movie is stuffed with cameos from the likes of Aerosmith, Alice Cooper, Billy Preston, Earth, Wind & Fire, George Burns (Mr. Kite), Bonnie Raitt, Curtis Mayfield, Wilson Pickitt, Wolfman Jack (remember him?), Robert Palmer, Dianne Steinberg (who plays 'Lucy' a la "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds"), Tina Turner, Seals and Croft, Carol Channing, Rick Derringer, Donovan, José Feliciano, Yvonne Elliman, and Leif Garrett, along with many other pop culture icons of 1979. Although none of them really do anything substantial (George Burns sings "Being For The Benefit", but otherwise he just stands around and looks at stuff), it's kind of neat to see them fit in with this garbage.

The only part of this movie that doesn’t completely suck are a couple of performances which include Aerosmith's decent cover of "Come Together", and the Lonely Hearts Club band's jazzy version of "The Long And Winding Road". Other than those songs, this movie is plain and simple torture. It's just a bunch of bad music sang along with unrelated images and bad dancing.

Spoiler Alert
What the hell is the ending about? This makes no sense whatsoever. Strawberry Fields dies, Peter Frampton tries to kill himself by jumping off a roof (or a one story building onto grass, which proves even more so that the director just wanted to get this thing over and done with), and just before he lands, the magic trumpeter that is Billy Preston brings everyone back to life? It's like that episode of the Simpsons where the kids get trapped on a desert island, and a narrator says that Moe saves them, just so they can put an end to the madness. If anyone knows anything about the ending, please tell me because I've seen it three times and still makes absolutely no sense.
End Spoiler

This movie is so bad that it hurts. It will make your eyes explode, your hearing go deaf, and your mind crazy. Okay, so I'm exaggerating, but you get the idea. This movie should be avoided at all costs. Even if you like bad movies, this should be avoided. Lennon must roll in his grave every time someone watches this piece of inane drivel from start to finish. Let us hope that he rises from the dead, much similar to the Crow or Spawn, and he hunts down the makers of this film to save mankind and get revenge for associating his music with this tripe. All I can say to those of you that haven't seen this is: save yourself!!! It's too late for me, because I've already have. So don’t watch this movie, and if you ever see a copy of this movie anywhere, do mankind a favor and DESTROY it.


Recommended:
No

Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children up to Age 4