Now, when a Director chooses to, well direct (as is his/her/their job) a movie pertaining to biblical events, particularly ones about the Lord himself, they know they're in effect dancing on theologically dangerous ground. Especially when they incorporate elaborate fictitious details to make it into some sort of modern day Gospel according to.. [insert Director's name here]. Much like Scorsese with "The Last Temptation of Christ". But to liken this movie to that movie would be cheap and whimsical of me. Scorsese's was a cinematic masterpiece, based on a rather intriguing "What if..." concept, whereas this one is just, well, a cheap attempt at modernising events foretold in the book of Revelations pertaining to the apocalypse.

"The Seventh Sign" (1988)

Directed by; Carl Schultz

Abby Quinn (Demi Moore - Disclosure, Ghost ) and her attorney husband Russell (Michael Biehn - The Rock, Cherry Falls) are expecting a baby. Abby has reached her third trimester, yet still exhibits concern for her baby since it becomes apparent she has suffered the loss of a baby(s) before coming to term in the past. In the meantime, her husband Russell is defending a mentally handicapped man, Jimmy Szaragosa (John Tyler), on death row for the murder of both his parents (who were brother and sister). Jimmy believes what he did was through the Word of God, because his parents were sinners. After losing his last appeal, he embarks on another course of action to help save his client from his impending doom in the gas chamber, yet all avenues he takes seem to be in vane.

Cue another storyline - Father Lucci (Manny Friedman - Paycheck, I Shot Andy Warhol) has been sent to investigate the apparent onset of the Seven Signs of the Apocalypse, the Order of Seals. And what pray tell are those? Well, I'll tell you, because i'm nice like that.

The story goes.. There's this sealed scroll (with seven seals - rumoured to be sort of a title deed to Earth, if you will), which no-one is able to open except Christ himself. Christ is said to return to earth and break each seal one by by one, thus releasing with each broken seal, one sign of the apocalypse. The first four are the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, you've got your death, famine, fire, rivers to blood, seas dying and moon turning red, all courtesy of these destructive angels and their trusty steeds. The fifth seal pertains to Martyrs, those who had been slain because of the word of God and the testimony they had maintained. The sixth seal is a great earthquake, which really doesn't need any further explanation. The seventh seal is Silence in Heaven (and also, a really great film by Ingmar Bergman, "Det Sjunde Inseglet", to give it its proper title)

And there's your seven seals. (Which would be really funny if they were actual seals - aquatic mammals)

Anyway, back to Father Lucci. He witnesses several things the wrath of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse impart on earth, however, when he returns to his elders, he says he has witnessed nothing, all can be put down as natural disaster or quirk of nature. He's a big, fat liar.

And what about Jesus? Shouldn't he be there if he is doing some apocalypse style seal breakin' on Earth? Yes. And he is there. Abby and Russell have an apartment above their garage, which they have recently advertised to rent. Enter the mysterious stranger who turns up one day to rent said apartment. Jesus, going by the name of David Bannon (Jürgen Prochnow - The English Patient, Air Force One... and nothing to do with the Incredible Hulk - David Banner) keeps his mysterious self to his mysterious self, for the most part. Occasionally he puts in an appearance at the Quinn's household, and invariably he tells Abby seemingly cute little theological fables in his softly spoken European accent, like the one about the Guf.

The Guf, according to David "Jesus" Bannon is the Hall of Souls, and it was apparently once foretold, that when the Hall of Souls is empty, there is silence in heaven, and the first baby born without a soul, symbolises the end of Mankind as we know it, Judgement Day, if you will. Of course, this story scares the bejesus out of poor Abby (if you'll pardon the pun) and she starts mooching about David's apartment when his isn't there. And one day, she finds a scroll and a seal! (dun dun DAH!) She becomes intrigued by it, since it bears the date her baby is due and sets out on her own little mission to find out more about Mr Bannon and the mysterious scroll.

If you have been PAYING ATTENTION. You will note that I've covered most of the Seven Seals within the plot so far.

Abby manages to get the scroll she found translated by a young Jewish boy, Avi (Manny Jacobs - My Father, the Hero), who is seemingly knowledgeable on ancient Aramaic. He tells her it is to do with the prophecy of the Seven Signs of the Apocolypse. Of course, after she puts David's story about the Guf together with what Avi tells her (and they witness the moon turning red) things start to make odd sense. During a particularly harsh hailstorm (hailstones the size of soccer balls), she encounters Father Lucci, and after he spins her a few yarns about David, she becomes convinced that her baby is in danger, and that David is going to harm it in order to bring about the end of the world. You see, what we learn about Father Lucci and his need for the end of the world to take place so badly is rather intriguing. For lo and behold, only turns out he's the Wandering Jew (Cartophilus, or the Eternal Footman, as I call him.. thanks Tori), that legend of folklore (and also rumoured to be Old Man in Chaucer's "The Pardoner's Tale", incidentally) said to have been a soldier of Pilate's who mocked Jesus on his way to the crucifixion, and was then doomed to walk the Earth until Judgement Day, so of course he wants the world to end, he's sick to the back teeth of all that aimless wandering.

Now even more convinced David wants to harm her baby, Abby confronts him... and then stabs him, silly woman. He then tells her who he is, and that she is correct, the end of the world is nigh. Very bloody nigh.

Distraught, as one would be, Abby is hell-bent on making sure her baby is born alive and healthy, and more importantly, with a soul. David tells her the only way to stop it, is with hope, which he firmly tells her, she doesn't have. She sets about trying to stop signs from happening, in particular, the fifth seal, and a race against time ensues as Abby boldly tries to save the fate of mankind.

Throughout the course of this write-up, I've already told you what the fifth seal is, and who the fifth seal is. BUT! is she right fate lies with the fifth seal? But what about the sixth seal? Well, you'll just have to watch it.

Thoughts

Oh it's edge of your seat stuff towards the end alright, but that still doesn't excuse this movie from being rather absurd. Ok, so I'm not necessarily the overly religious type, yet, I was rather disturbed by this film on many levels. First and foremost, being the fact that Hollywood decided the fate of mankind should rest on the shoulders of Demi Moore, even in fiction, that would be a hard thing to take even remotely seriously. During the movie her acting is far, far too dramatic at the wrong times, sure she's trying to save the world, but her constant whining and often clumsy approach during scenes, that are supposed to be of a Divine nature, spoil it somewhat. I mean, when a guy tells you he's Jesus, and you know he's telling the truth, you don't react with a look on your face that basically says; "Whatever". You see, that's a scene that you're supposed to be dramatic in, Demi.

Jürgen Prochnow, however, is actually rather good as Jesus, sure, it takes you a little while to get used to the fact he is Jesus, him being German and all (but then, the Governor of California is Austrian, what are ya gonna do?) Also, because he doesn't necessarily resemble the image we have in our minds of what Jesus should look like, acceptance is difficult. But once you get through the phase where you just find him plain creepy, he actually turns out to have a rather charming and charismatic on screen presence.

Peter Friedman as Father Lucci is decidedly average, I would have expected rather more world weariness from a man who has supposedly been wandering the earth for the past 2000 years or so. But I suppose that can be blamed on direction to some extent, which again, was rather average, seeming occasionally clumsily put together..sort of, "Yeah, that shot will do.." (Hungarian director Carl Schultz should really stick to directing all those Young Indiana Jones Chronicles). And it's a shame, because this movie had so much more potential. Instead, it comes off like a second rate straight-to-video or made for TV movie, with no frills, cheap effects and lacking atmosphere.

However, despite its misgivings (and lack of a game of chess with the Grim Reaper), I did quite enjoy it on some levels. It catered for my apocalyptic bent with regards to movies rather well, especially since it was about the actual apocalypse, and not just a disaster flick about giant meteors, with ex Mr Demi Moore, Bruce Willis, prancing about with a huge drill (so many jokes, so little time). Certainly, many would be quite appalled at this big screen depiction of biblical events, which throws in its own occasional slant on the whole concept for good measure. But that's what Hollywood does, heck it even makes up its own modern day bible related stories occasionally (see The Prophecy trilogy, Angel Gabriel's a baddy!) But it's mildly entertaining, and educational in some respects, but really, not that controversial. That said, Demi Moore as the saviour of mankind? That's controversial, and downright silly. But you know what's even sillier? The Guf! (couldn't let that slip by... what a funny word)

Overall: 3 stars
Running Time: 93 minutes

Recommended:
Yes

Viewing Format: VHS
Video Occasion: Good for a Rainy Day
Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age