My offhand comment about ninjas in the title of my last review brought to mind something I've lamented for a long time now: there are no great ninja movies. We have excellent films about the kung-fu fighter and the samurai, but not the ninja. Maybe Ninja Scroll would come closest as I consider that one of the best excuses for sex & violence I've come across, but I'd prefer something live-action and more meaningful. So, in my desperation, I tried going back to a film that I recalled being really cool when I was a kid (though I should know better than to do that by now). Unfortunately, I erroneously thought that it was 1982's Shogun's Ninja when the title I was actually looking for was the lesser known Ninja In The Dragon's Den, an early Corey Yuen film from the same year with the same main actor, Hiroyuki Sanada (best known these days for the Japanese cult horror flick The Ring). But let's not have that stop me from reviewing this other movie for you.

Sanada plays the only son of a royal family who was slaughtered by an army of samurai during a conflict when he was just a child. Before his mother had him spirited away with a group of loyal subjects, he was given a sword with a wolf engraved on the hilt which identifies him as the family's one true heir. Apparently, one of the sources of the conflict is that this sword, when put side-by-side with another sword, reveals a map carved on the blades that shows the secret location of a gold mine. The traitorous samurai (the amazingly prolific Sonny Chiba) responsible for killing the royal family spends his time searching for the heir, who's recently reappeared to take revenge after a good 20 years of martial arts training. A subplot involves the ninja Hanzo and his kunoichi (female ninja) student, who play both sides against the middle in an attempt to find the gold mine. There's also a short appearance or two by Sue Shiomi (who played Chiba's sister in the old Street Fighter and Sister Street Fighter movies). During her first action scene, the seat of her pants is ripped for comic relief and, in her other fight scene, she flails around with the nunchakus until she's promptly killed off. Probably not her greatest role.

The plot is straightforward but, like so many Asian films, it's the quirks that make it notable. One that's instantly recognizable in Shogun's Ninja is the completely out of place soundtrack. Hearing 70's fusion (think of elevator music, only much more complex) in the background during a fight with samurai, ninjas and kung-fu guys is just crazy. And special mention must go to the theme song of the film, an AOR-style prog rock tune not unlike something you'd hear from Styx. Except in Japanese. Certainly the most inappropriate music in a movie since that "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head" montage from Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid. Perhaps the upcoming film A Knight's Tale, set in medieval times and accompanied by the sounds of Queen and KC & The Sunshine Band, will outcheese them both.

And when you're dealing with a movie as rooted in fantasy as this, sometimes it's hard to choose where you should suspend your disbelief. I don't have a problem with the spider ninjas who can burrow underground faster than moles or the ability of the hero to deflect arrows by spinning around really fast while hanging from a rope or even that silly fighting stance Sonny Chiba does with his 2 henchman that involves them standing on each others shoulders like Peking Acrobats. No, none of that bugs me. But I have a problem with the fact that the lead character can recognize as adults people who he last saw as children when he was only 5 years old. Personally, I can hardly remember the names of my kindergarten classmates, much less walk up to someone 20 years after the fact and say "Hey, it's you, Bill! You've lost all your hair, gained 200 pounds, and grew 3 and 1/2 feet but I'll be damned! It's really you!" Or maybe I'm being too strict. It's certainly possible that the red sun on the Japanese flag could have the same effect on Japanese martial artists that the Earth's yellow sun has on refugees from Krypton, giving them the ability of super-recognition and.....nah, I'm just talking out of my @$$ here.

Of course, we have to talk about the fight scenes. They're alright. Not great but not bad either. If Shogun's Ninja does nothing else, it proves that even the Japanese were using wires in their martial arts films at least since the early 80's. And like any good, old martial arts film, we get a few training scenes in which the hero has to beef up his fighting abilities in order to win, including one of the most unintentionally hilarious parts in the film. Hiroyuki Sanada used to be a pop idol in Japan and his background is betrayed when his character has to practice some kata in front of a burning fire. For some reason, Sanada begins throwing in these interpretive dance moves and vogues as if he were a cast member of Fame or Flashdance. By the time this happens, of course, you're not going to question it. It'll just be another nutball thing the director let slip into the final cut.

Yet another inexplicable oddity is the use of what looks like Chinese and sometimes English subtitles that seem to appear on the screen whenever a new character is introduced or a dramatic scene is taking place. Since this film was dubbed into English, I'm not sure why these were left in or even what their purpose was to begin with since they're made virtually illegible by the pan & scan format, which cuts the side edges off the picture and the subtitles as well.

By now, you probably think that Shogun's Ninja is no doubt some kind of B-movie classic but there's one thing preventing this: the movie is dull. Very dull. Put-you-to-sleep dull. Yes, in spite of women with ripped pants, burrowing ninjas, Sonny Chiba, great forest scenery, crappy elevator music, a gay dance scene, and some old guy who looks like the feudal-era Japanese equivalent of Colonel Sanders who I haven't even bothered to mention to you before now, this flick is still unable to justify its 2 hour running length! I can only describe that as a failure on the part of the filmmakers. How could they mess up such a promising film? It's a mystery of the universe.

By the way, in addition to Ninja In The Dragon's Den, Shogun's Ninja is not to be confused with the even more obscure Ninja Wars, which also features Hiroyuki Sanada and Sonny Chiba, as well as a monk who attacks using lethal projectile vomit. Put all three together and you have yourself a wacky Hiroyuki Sanada ninja trilogy.


Recommended:
No

Viewing Format: VHS
Video Occasion: None of the Above
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 13 and Older