If you can see a tornado, you are too damn close... except from Wulfsden's Survival Guide.

* * *

Bill needs Jo's signature on divorce papers
Jo: So you want the papers?
Bill: I did drive all the way out here for 'em.
Jo: They're signed and ready.
Bill: Good, good. Let's see 'em.
Jo: Do you need them right this second?
Bill: Well, it'd be nice.
Jo: What's the urgent urgency? You act like you're getting married.
Bill: I am.
Jo: Wow.
Bill: Yeah.
Jo: Is it Melinda?
Bill: Melissa.
Jo: Wasn't there a Melinda in there somewhere?
Bill: No, there's only been Melissa since you.
Jo: Boy, not much for browsing are you?

- - -

Crying with fright after a pair of tornadoes spun their truck around a few times
Melissa: When you used to tell me that you chase tornadoes, deep down I thought it was just a metaphor.

* * *

I noticed that Twister was on TV again and since it is one of my favorite action movies, I thought it would be fun to post a review. How good are you at suspension of disbelief? How you answer is going to affect how you rate this movie.

Twister follows a day or so in the lives of a group of storm chasers as a freak group of tornados sweeps through Oklahoma. It is realistic in the sense that almost everything in the movie could happen. If you gathered a large group of actual storm chasers into a room, bought them a few beers and listened to their wildest experiences and stupidest stunts then you would have the plot. The only problem is that their tales would cover many lifetimes not twenty-four hours. The movie also portrays the storm chasers as crazy cowboys. Well heck yes, anyone who would look for a tornado is crazy, but not this crazy. All the storm chasers that were this crazy are dead.

And then there the twisters -- the special effects are great. The director Jan DeBont is a former cinematographer and, as he showed in his prior movie, Speed, he has a special talent for making things move. Of course, in Twister, he gives this movement an entirely new spin. But the premise is that the movie is about serious scientists, and that brings all the real meteorologists out of the woodwork. Now while the effects in the movie look and feel real, the events that surround them don't quite ring true. The scientific horde lost no time saying so, and in no uncertain terms. Twister got more pannings than the Klondike during the gold rush.

Even I, whose sole contact with a tornado was a brief but terrifying glimpse of a funnel cloud that never touched down, have seen enough Weather Channel specials to spot some of the errors. So what? The Wizard of Oz wasn't exactly accurate, and that's a classic. Was Twister intended to be a training film for weather geeks or was it supposed to entertainment? Ah... And does it entertain? Well that is the $64,000 question.

As the movie begins, Bill Harding (Bill Paxton), a storm chaser turned TV weatherman, is trying to get his get his tornado-hunter wife, Jo (Heather Hunt) to sign divorce papers so he can marry his sex-therapist girlfriend Melissa (Jami Gertz). However, Jo has a revolutionary new measuring device called Dorothy based on Bill's designs, and its time for a particularly tasty group of storms. How can he resist...

Here, as usual, Helen Hunt is adorable, Bill Paxton is extremely likable and the crew is bunch of lovable geeks and weirdoes. The script may be far fetched but the dialogue is fast paced and well written, with the jokes flying so fast that at times it resembles the rat-tat-tat delivery of a master comedian. Usually, I have trouble finding a quote that I like for the top of my review. In Twister, I had trouble not quoting the entire movie. The effects are breathtaking and first rate. The action, which packs a season or two of tornadoes into an afternoon, is totally unrealistic, but the pace is pulse quickening and exciting. Since you care about the characters, the danger, which is clearly the result of certifiable lunacy, nevertheless has you on the edge of your seat. The end result is the cinematic equivalent of a roller coaster ride. What a rush.

Of course, as the movie progresses, the team encounters a series of storms each bigger and nastier than the last as it builds toward an F5 finale. I don't think I am giving much away by telling you this. Yet it is in this structure that the movie has its main failing. The penultimate tornado is a demonically evil F4 monster that sneaks up on our heroes and spawns the very best effects. The final confrontation is not only over the top from a common sense viewpoint, but also from a dramatic one. Even though it sports some of the funniest and silliest moments, the last tornado is both anticlimactic and anticlimatic.

So, where do we stand? One star for a typical over-the-top Hollywood plot, plus one for Helen Hunt & a likable cast, plus one for great dialogue, plus one for a good score and another for the adrenaline rush, but subtract one for the premature climax. Four stars, but only if you can suspend disbelief, put on your ruby slippers, sit back and enjoy the ride. If you can't, you might as well head for the trailer park and watch the dust devils.

* * *

There's no place like home. (Click!) There's no place like home. (Click!)

Ah. There you are. Sorry, I was just practicing. And now for the top ten... er... eleven reasons that Twister was silly:

- DOROTHY is a rip off of a tornado package called TOTO (TOtable Tornado Observatory) which developed in the 70's by the National Severe Storms Lab.
- Real scientists don't need an epiphany to know that spheres don’t catch the wind.
- During a chase, you listen to lightning flashes on AM, Police Scanners, CB's, HAM radios and TV weather broadcasts, usually all at the same time. You do not listen to rock music.
- Tornadoes do not growl like a lion.
- You can't predict tornadoes by smelling dirt and looking at grass stems.
- Storm chasers avoid dirt roads, getting stuck in the mud gets you killed. Ditto for cornfields and ditches.
- You don't find a tornado every twenty minutes, not even in Oklahoma.
- You do not hide under bridges -- it's the worst place to be, except for trailer parks and barns.
- You do not stop for steak and eggs in the middle of a chase.
- F5 tornados shatter brick buildings, pick up trucks and throw them for miles. There is not much chance of surviving.

And the bonus reason...

- No man, not even one as willfully stupid as Bill Harding, would ever willingly introduce his girlfriend to his wife.

* * *

Some mild expletives. I admit that one of Melissa's phone conversations concerning a masculine trait may offend, but it is hilarious. Really, there is nothing to worry about. Let the kiddies watch.

* * *

Twister (1996)

Directed by Jan de Bont

Written by Michael Crichton and Anne-Marie Martin

Cast:
Helen Hunt - Dr. JoAnne 'Jo' Thornton-Harding
Bill Paxton - William Harding
Cary Elwes - Dr. Jonas Miller
Jami Gertz - Dr. Melissa Reeves
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Dustin Davis
Lois Smith - Meg Greene
Alan Ruck - Robert 'Rabbit' Nurick
Sean Whalen - Allan Sanders
Scott Thomson - Jason 'Preacher' Rowe
Todd Field - Tim 'Beltzer' Lewis
Joey Slotnick - Joey
Wendle Josepher - Haynes
Jeremy Davies - Laurence
Zach Grenier - Eddie
Gregory Sporleder - Willie

* * *

Please check out some of my other entertainment reviews:

Saving Grace ***
Wonderfalls *****
Dante's Peak ****
The Day After Tomorrow ***
Finding Neverland *****
Dodgeball -- A True Underdog Story ****
Kiss of the Dragon ****
House of Flying Daggers ***
Hero *****
Sideways *****

* * *



Recommended:
Yes

Viewing Format: DVD
Video Occasion: Better than Watching TV
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 13 and Older