From the demented mind that brought you the “One Person Write-Off” and “The Pauly Shore Tribute Week”, Freak369 proudly presents The 31 Flavors of Horror.

Vampire’s Kiss [1989] is a film that you either love or you love to hate. Found in both / either the horror and comedy section of your local video rental store, this is an offbeat, at time comedic - but always noir film - about a confused yuppie, wanna-be vampires and the secretary caught in the middle. Cage fans will revel in his performance, but those not wise to his abilities will surely send me death threats for recommending this film.

Peter Loew, Cage, is your run of the mill Manhattan literary agent that is always on the look out for a pair of legs poured into nylons – what I affectionately call Meals On Heels. Now, he’s not one of those as.s slapping, in your face kind of guys – more like the person you catch undressing you with your eyes. He’s a pig, but doesn’t have the obvious snot to prove it outright. He crosses paths with Rachel, Beals, and gets more than he could have ever bargained for.

His therapist / psychologist Dr. Glaser, Elizabeth Ashley, notices his changes – and starts to dig. I really wish there were more scenes between these two because the chemistry was ripe. His call to her after he trashes his apartment [during her romantic dinner] is another ‘must see’ scene. If these two characters had been allowed to develop just a little more I think it could have given the whole plot a but more stability – then again I just write the reviews, not the scripts or screenplays.

The plot basically boils down to a simple paragraph. A very simple paragraph. Man seeks adventure, when it finds him, he can’t handle it. Doesn’t get any more basic than that now does it? However, for those daring enough to view it several times – you’ll see small, subtle things that you won’t catch during the first initial viewing. The bulk of it being Cage’s explosive reactions to situations that he finds out of his control. Make no mistake about it – this isn’t award-winning material by any stretch of the imagination but it fell victim to a bunch of close-minded reviewers that killed the film before it ever had a chance to come out fighting.

Some of the best scenes are when Cage goes off script and shows his psychotic side to the camera – and eventually the viewers. After trashing his apartment, the camera pans around to reveal bird feathers and some blood on the floor [remnants of past meals] before coming full circle to Cage setting a small alarm clock and climbing under his makeshift coffin [nice leather couch propped up on books].

Vampire’s Kiss walks a fine line between comedy and horror, something not many films can pull off and at times it seems redundant and slow moving – but that’s not to say that you won’t be rewarded with some surprising scenes if you are patient. Cage exploding at Alva when a contract can’t be found is enough to unnerve any office employee. And this is a “must see” for one scene – less than a minute total – when Cage dons plastic vampire teeth and proceeds to harass innocent pigeons. I can almost guarantee that when Halloween rolls around, you’ll never look at those cheap plastic vampire teeth / fangs the same way again! If that doesn’t make it worth the cost of the rental, feel free to email me for a full refund.

The film also leaves much of the interpretation up to the viewer. What’s real and what’s a hallucination? Is Rachel really a vampire? Does he really thirst for blood? Are his outbursts from sexual tensions between he and Alva or from being bitten by Rachel? The further you get into the movie, the more confusing it gets – at least for me. After I watched it a few times I saw what was going on – and came to my own conclusions. You, however, will have to make your own decisions.

Without doubt, Cage is the center of attention here. He steals almost every scene and even when he isn’t in front of the camera [Example – when Alva’s brother beats on her bedroom door to see why she isn’t going to work … reason … her boss, Loew, raped her after a series of verbal attacks about the missing contract] he still manages to have his presence in the scene. Having his character as the binding element may have just been what killed the film in the eyes of critics – it’s called ‘overkill’ and it happens all too often with ‘off the beaten path’ films of this nature.


The Stars

Nicolas Cage Peter Loew
[Con Air, Moonstruck, Valley Girl]

The character could have been a bit more developed but Cage puts 110% into it. Certain scenes are almost completely emotionally blank and you don’t know where it’s going until Cage starts to talk [most notable, when he is wearing sunglasses and confronts Alva about the contract]. I’m not sure what drugs Cage was on while this film was shooting – but I would have to go for cocaine, a little heroine and possibly some LSD – either that or they had one hell of a make up crew [which I doubt from the slutty look of Beals and the flat look of Alonso]. A must see for fans of Nicolas Cage’s stranger films – this is one of his cornerstone performances … then again … that’s just my opinion.

Maria Conchita Alonso Alva Restrepo
[The Running Man, Moscow on the Hudson]

You don’t really learn much about her character until the middle of the film when you get to see her family life. Sure you get the basics from her manner of dress, dedication to her job and gold cross but her character needed a bit more punch – especially when matched up against Cage’s. I really wanted her character to fight back – to stand up to Loew but to do that would sort of ruin the image of her being a weakling.

Jennifer Beals Rachel
[Flashdance, My Bodyguard, Four Rooms]

While she may look stunning, Beals did a pretty bad job with her character. While she didn’t really have that many lines or character development – she could have at least given the viewers something more than a “come hither” look and cheap dresses. I tried to rationalize the lack of character background to this – less is more or less is mysterious. Sorry, but I would have liked to have seen some explanation at the end – even learning that she is figment of his imagination would have been better than what the closing scenes gave us.

While there are more characters in the film than these three, they are uninspired, fade to the background once the scenes are over and could be cut from the film and have no effect on the outcome.

Awards, Nominations and Kudos’

As I mentioned at the beginning of this review, there is no middle ground to this film. You will either walk away from it thinking Cage is a superb actor with talent and refined skills or you will go out of your way to warn people to never even read the box – let alone rent this.

Cage was nominated for, and won, the Best Actor award at the Catalonian International Film Festival [Spain] although in the United States the movie was lucky to even get a mention by the press, let alone a nomination for an award.

Who Might Like It …

I am not going to go so far as to say this is a great film because it simply isn’t. The plot – when visible – is lackluster and leaves much to be desired. Fans of Dracula type productions will be left with a bad taste in their mouths – and I’m not talking bad blood either. Cult aficionados might find this worth a view and of course die-hard Cage fans will gobble this up. If you liked his performances in either Moonstruck or 8MM [intensity, hyperactivity and off the scale insanity] then you might want to check this out as a rental.

If you like the classic storyline [no matter how many times it’s been told] of the vampire / mortal relationship [Bram Stoker’s Dracula for example] then this is one to avoid. Instead of a love interest, this vampire seeks nothing more than a meal and mortal plaything.

Useless Trivia

Cage actually spent a few weeks in seclusion to get ready for this role. He avoided contact with people, blacked out the windows of a rented hotel room and wore the plastic fangs for hours at a time to get used to them. He also ate a live cockroach during the filming however he never disclosed any information about it – if he knew it was real, intended to eat a real one or what it tasted like. Talk about dedication to the craft… On a personal note, the edited versions do not have this scene or the scene with the death of the pigeon.


The Stats

Rating: R
[Violence, Nudity, Adult Content]
Released June 2, 1989
Run Time: 105 Minutes - Theatric Release
Run Time: 92 Minutes - Edited Version [for television]
Written By: Joseph Minion
Directed By: Robert Bierman
Gore Level: While it suggests major bloodshed, only a few pigeons, a cockroach and a bar patron are actually put up on the chopping block.

As always, thanks for the visit!

^V^ Freak ^V^


Recommended:
Yes

Viewing Format: VHS
Video Occasion: Good for Groups
Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age