Now and again, you may have heard the truth about Arnie. The truth that even though his name and picture appear next to the word "muscle" in every dictionary, that he is in fact a real softie on the inside. If you haven't seen Kindergarten Cop, you've yet to see the universal proof of this.

How exactly is it that the Terminator finds himself amongst building blocks, toy trains, stuffed bears and six-year olds whose energy, if channeled, might equate that of solar power itself? Well, it's a funny thing.

John Kimble (Arnold Schwarzenegger) starts out as a toughy scruffy cop, five or six days worth of stubble, sunglasses and all. In between drug-busting gigs, Kimble gets slapped with an undercover assignment and a savvy five-foot partner, Phoebe O'Hara (Pamela Reed). Her job is to pose as a Kindergarten teacher, find a certain little boy, and protect him and his mother from her ex-husband Cullen Crisp (Richard Tyson).

Well, as luck would have it, Phoebe starts vomiting like she's got a sick stick in her pants on the way there. So guess who gets to take her place!

If you've never taught a kindergarten class or known someone who has, well it is a trying endeavor. I guess the rest is pretty much self-explanatory. The shot of Kimble collapsing onto the bed after his first day is pure classic.

If you like Arnie's smile, then there is plenty of it to go around in Kindergarten Cop. During one of his "tough cop" moments near the beginning, Arnold introduces himself (Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce myself; my name is John Kimble *chi-chink* and I love my car.), accompanied by a smile that I can only describe as sarcastically sympathetic. Otherwise, Kimble is one of Arnie's most likable characters. Tough but caring; lighthearted, but surprisingly real in spite of the fact that his job is practically defined by bending the truth. Even snapping it at times.

I can't say that the chemistry between Kimble and Joyce (Penelope Ann Miller) is the most convincing thing I've seen. It is by no means horrible, but between all the lies they have to tell to protect themselves, there is little room for much else. The best moments require the intervention of some profound truth (Kindergarten is like the ocean; you never wanna turn your back on it) or for her to just sit and look cute and ask "So how long have you been teaching kindergarten?". On the other hand, I find her outfits to be a real eye-pleaser. They are exceptionally flattering without being so boastful the way they are nowadays.

Pamela Reed as Kimble's partner completes a great little family of characters with her love of food and her tomboyish "roll with the punches" nature. She vomits, wakes up groggier than Rip Van Winkle, gets caught naked in bed with an insecure chef, and even gets hit by a car. Through it all, she maintains that perfect look of disaffected confidence, if you can imagine that.

Richard Tyson as the bad guy, Crisp, reminds me of Terry Silver from Karate Kid 3. It must be the long black hair. He just seems completely oblivious to everything but what he's doing. He and his mother (Carroll Baker) make an unexpectedly deadly duo. Just a word of warning; his mother is even meaner than he is.

The kids in the kindergarten class are terrific. The movie actually takes time to get to know some of them. There are the twins, the Spanish-speaking girl, the pretty but prematurely spoiled brat, the gynecologist's son, the one that knows everything, the lonely and abused kid, the "perfect" kid who also happens to be the one they're looking for. They are the ultimate proof that Historia, aside from being the single-parent capital of the nation, is the preppiest town this side of the galaxy. But then again, it is a movie.

Not all flicks are for kids

Just 'cause it's called Kindergarten Cop, it's full of kids and Arnie's a softie doesn't necessarily make it a kid's kind of movie. There is considerable emphasis on the "cop" part, as evidenced by two bookend shootouts, and quite a few violent scenes. Fortunately none of these involve the children, save the implied violence on the abused boy . (Don't you worry, though, Arnie gets a choice moment with the kid's father :) The gynecologist's son tells everyone, "Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina."

So even kids who are old enough to withstand the images and sounds may still be too young to grasp the adult elements. Kindergarten Cop is not the oxymoron it appears to be, but it is more of an adult movie than you may realize. And it's a damn fine one.

My favorite 11 Kindergarten Cop Quotes

#11.) Kimble: "No more complaining, no more Mr. Kimble I have to go to the bathroom, nothing. There is no bathroom!"

#10.) (After Kimble's first day, while he's lying on the bed)
Phoebe: "So... how'd it go?"
Kimble: "...Go ... away."

#9.) Airline stewardess: "Is your wife allright?"
Kimble: "Compared to what?"

#8.) Kindergartener: "My Dad repairs wrecked cars driven by women who are pinheads."

#7.) Kimble: "You hit the kid, I hit you."

#6.) Woman: "I don't want him to see me without my make-up!"
2nd Woman: "None of us are wearing make-up."
Woman: "But you're married; you're allowed to look like flogs."

#5.) Kimble: "Frank! I almost didn't recognize you with all your clothes on."

#4.) Phoebe: "Kimble if you were any stiffer, we could take you surfing."

#3.) Principal: "Now, will you tell me something? Please don't lie. What did it feel like to hit that son of a b!tch?"
Kimble: "Well... it felt.. great."

#2.) Kimble: "They're six year olds. How bad can they be?"
Phoebe: "On second thought... take the gun."

#1.) Phoebe: "Not so tough without your car, are ya?"

See ya next time

Recommended:
Yes

Viewing Format: VHS
Video Occasion: Good Date Movie
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 13 and Older
Special Effects: Well at least you can't see the strings