How this movie spawned three sequels is a mystery on par with Easter Island, the Pyramids and the sexual orientation of Michael Jackson.

Ever seen the movie Carrie?

You can bet the hack producers behind this silly crap did.

Since this movie made me stupid, I'll divulge my criticisms in handy bullet points. Anyway, all the horror fans I know are idiots with the attention span of a lemur on crack. (And yes, that includes me.) How much time can I really devote to a movie like this? Sheesh!

A. Megan is this creepy goth-type chick, a cross between a young Winona Ryder and something else dark and silly. She wears white pancake makeup and black wicker hats over her blond-streaked hair. Basically, she looks like a super-mega-freakazoid on purpose and we're supposed to feel BAD when her schoolmates laugh at her. Not only would I laugh at her too, but I'd kick her and throw paint all over her.

B. After being teased mercilessly, Megan discovers an evil spirit inside of a mirror. Yawn. She gets pretty all of a sudden and kills her cruel tormentors. Pretty new, huh?

C. At least this is a B-movie that can show off a B-movie cast. We got the inhuman-looking Karen Black as Megan's overbearing and soon-to-be-skewered Mom...just like Piper Laurie was the overbearing and soon-to-be-skewered Mom in Carrie. The uber-sweaty William Sanderson shows up for a few scenes. I'd pay 50 bucks for a DVD in which he shows up in the middle of a gore scene and says "Hi, I'm Larry. This is my brother Darryl, and this is my other brother Darryl." And look! It's Stephen Tobolowsky as a high school teacher? Unsure who this thespian is? Just scream "Ned Ryerson!" and you'll figure it out.

D. The gore. Purely Dollar Store effects here, people. One horny idiot gets his head squeezed by some scaly gloves for about 3 minutes and then he dies. The head tormentor b*tch girl (whose ample breasts are a subplot in their own right) earns one of moviedom's most leeringly disgusting deaths, as her nude body is scalded to death in a shower scene that lasts about ten minutes. It's not scary. What it IS is disturbing, especially the idea that the director thinks we'd get off on it! You sicko! Basically, the gore FX seemingly make up only about 1/3 of the makeup in the movie, with the reamainder going to cover up the massive Rushmore-esque melon that belongs to Karen Black. I swear - This woman looks like she applies lipstick with a paint roller.

E. The acting. It's so bad...Tell you what. Look in the mirror right now and repeat these lines out loud:

"Oh don't pay any attention to that tramp. Her brains are in her tits."

"Oooooh! I wish they were all dead, DEAD I TELL YOU!"

"....mirror...monster...eat...tit..."

There. You've proven that you're more skilled than a professional actor. I think the casting director subscribed to the eeny-meeny-miny-mo school of professionalism, because not they're all just awful. I've seen trees do better portrayals of humans, and that's with just construction paper.

F. OK, enough letters. I'm wrapping this up soon.


So what we got is just a stupid little ripoff of Carrie. It's not particularly scary, sexy or interesting. The acting sucks, the body count it woefully low, the effects are truly laughable and my feet fell asleep while I was watching it. The fact that you're even reading a review on it would thrill the producers.

Just your standard "Alienated goth girl reaps sweet revenge on the busty b*tches who torture her thanks to the power of an ancient evil Satanic mirror demon who is in love with her" movie, complete with band-aid special effects and bargain basement cast. Trust me, if this one was even BAD-good, I'd tell you. It's just bad. Thank me for watching it for you.

Recommended:
No

Viewing Format: DVD
Video Occasion: None of the Above
Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age