The Chair...of TORTURE!
Written: Aug 03 '01 (Updated Aug 05 '01)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Seeing many of the megastars today in their earlier performances
Cons: Two face announcers; Misused talent; Chamber of Horrors Match
The Bottom Line: Seeking this one out will probably prove more trouble than is worth to see it.
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| cactus_matt's Full Review: WCW Halloween Havoc '91 - Chamber of Horrors |
Longing for some good oldschool wrestling, I picked this tape up at the flea market along with a few others. I never thought a card could flop this badly.
WCW has a habit of not printing the matches on the back of the box. So, you can really only speculate as to what you’re picking up. I’d heard about the ‘Chamber of Horrors’ match on the now defunct Wrestlecrap.com, and I knew I might at least get a laugh from that. I wasn’t all that interested in the Luger VS Simmons match highlighted on the cover, but this happened a long time ago, so I figured the two guys may have been different.
Sometimes, watching these old tapes, I have to wonder how WCW ever stayed afloat long enough to give the WWF a run for their money. WCW was trying to copy the formula that made the WWF successful back in the eighties, but they lacked the initiative. It’s also funny to see people who made it big in the WWF struggle in WCW’s midcard while people like Lex Luger are wearing the championship gold. Looks like it’s going to be an interesting night…
The tape starts off with a cheap, public access-looking intro of superimposed wrestlers grimacing against a cheap haunted house backdrop. Scary stuff.
Your announcers are Jim Ross and Tony Schiavone. Something’s not right already. These guys are like two big used car salesmen who’ll try and put straight truth into the most ridiculous things. Then again, you know they must have at least a little bit of talent if they can watch this stuff and keep a straight face. The two speculate as to who the ‘mysterious WCW Halloween Phantom’ is. I wasn’t watching the weekly program back then, so I really don’t have any idea what they’re talking about.
They go to Eric Bischoff, who is investigating that very case in the parking lot. Cactus Jack and Abdullah the Butcher drive up and act like dimwits. Diamond Dallas Page and ‘The Diamond Studd’ Scott Hall drive up next. DDP tries to get Bischoff to park the car. Dustin Rhodes and Barry Windham are behind them. Arn Anderson and Larry Zbysko come out of nowhere and slam the car door on Windham’s wrist. Dustin drives off to take Windham to the hospital. Windham is apparently now unable to compete in the Chamber of Horrors match. Oh no.
Match 1: The Chamber of Horrors – The Faces: Sting, The Steiner Brothers, El Gigante VS The Heels: Vader, Cactus Jack, Abdullah the Butcher, The Diamond Studd
Man, oh man. WCW pulls out all the stops and puts their main attraction right up front. This looks like a pretty decent lineup, with the possible exception of El Gigante. The premise of the match, however, tarnishes the whole thing a little. All the wrestlers enter a large cage at once. The cage has weapons strewn about, and after a time a chair will descend into the ring. But it’s no ordinary chair, it’s a Chair of Torture! The first team to place a member of the opposing team into the Chair of Torture and pull the lever will emerge victorious! That unlucky member of the opposing team, however, will be rendered incapacitated.
All wrestlers come out through a cruddy graveyard set and enter the cage. Sting grabs a kendo stick right off and cleans house. JR shills the lame ‘Refereye’ camera the ref is wearing atop his head. I think there’s probably a reason that they don’t still use such a device. A masked jobber jumps out of a ringside casket, only to be decimated by Scott Steiner. El Gigante stands around, confused. Here comes the Chair of Torture, which is basically an old-fashioned electric chair. Has WCW upped the ante? Will someone die here tonight for the sake of ratings? Whitefaced ‘ghouls’ walk down to the ring with a stretcher to await the hapless victim. Rick Steiner breaks a kendo stick over Cactus Jack’s head. Cactus is busted open. The masked jobber is handcuffed to the cage, having proved completely useless. The Diamond Studd, which is basically a gimmick identical to Hall’s later Razor Ramon, places Sting in the Chair of Torture, but Scott Steiner makes the save. JR and Tony try their best to compensate for the lackluster match, but even these pros are having trouble. El Gigante locks the Studd in a front facelock and can’t think of anything to do with him. Abdullah puts Rick Steiner in the Chair of Torture. Cactus climbs to the lever but doesn’t pull it for some reason. Instead, he stares at it blankly and nonchalantly keeps looking back. Rick gets up and gives Abdullah a belly to belly suplex into the chair. Rick fumbles trying to secure Abdullah into the restraints. Cactus finally pulls the switch after looking like an idiot waiting for everything to get set up. Abdullah goes into spasms as sparks fly and the lights flicker. The faces are your winners. Having to watch this match is worse than sitting in a Chair of Torture. ½ out of five stars.
After the spectacle, Cactus goes to check on Abdullah. Abdullah goes insane and both men assault the ‘ghouls.’
Match 2: Jimmy ‘Jam’ Garvin w/Michael Hayes VS Johnny B. Badd w/Theodore R. Long
Seeing these two guys come out didn’t exactly brighten my outlook over having purchased this tape. Badd is of dubious sexual orientation as he enters with confetti blasters and a sparkly purple cape. Badd dances and gets thrown out of the ring by Garvin. Hayes hits Badd with his ‘broken’ right arm. Garvin bounces off the ropes repeatedly to deliver an anticlimactic elbow smash. Badd attains a piece of cloth and chokes Garvin with it. Ross makes the observation that ‘veterans stay off their shoulders.’ No wonder he’s the top color man in the business today. Garvin nails the DDT, but Teddy Long, who is a much better WWF referee today than he ever was a manager, distracts the ref. And he’s still falling for his own old tricks. Garvin attends to Long and Badd no-sells the DDT, nailing Garvin with a devastating left hook finisher. Badd gets the pin. Garvin’s foot was on the rope, but Long pushed it off. Not a terrible wrestling match, but these guys don’t have substance. 2 out of 5 stars.
Missy Hyatt is in the back looking for the WCW Phantom. Bobby Eaton comes out carrying a pumpkin and Missy grills him. Eaton says he just wants to celebrate after winning his match. Funny, I didn’t see any Bobby Eaton match. Have fun with your pumpkin, Bobby.
Match 3: TV Champion ‘Stunning’ Steve Austin w/Lady Blossom VS Dustin Rhodes
Austin, the baddest SOB on the planet comes out with a glittery robe, a ponytail, white boots, and surfer dude tights. Dustin comes out to music sounding conspicuously like ‘Money For Nothing.’ The match is set for a fifteen minute time limit. Here’s one of the reasons WCW was struggling – title matches where the challenger had a limited time to win the belt. These matches always come down to a ‘dramatic’ fight against the clock. Ugh. The two exchange weardown holds for a while. Dustin clotheslines Steve out of the ring. Dustin goes for a bulldog, but Steve tosses him off. More weardown holds. The announcer says five minutes have past. Dustin goes for a high crossbody but Steve ducks and Dustin flies out of the ring. Dustin is busted open. Ten minutes past. Dustin starts a string of offense with three minutes remaining and Steve is busted open as well. Dustin uses the Bionic Elbow with one minute remaining, but can’t keep Steve down. The time limit expires. Steve retains his title. A good match, but ruined by the time limit expiring. 2 ½ out of 5 stars.
Match 4: ‘Z-Man’ VS WCW Halloween Phantom
The WCW Phantom comes out with a cheap mask, hat, cape, and full body suit. It’s not hard to tell who it is. The Phantom takes it with a falling neckbreaker. Pretty much a squash, with the Phantom no-selling Z-Man’s offense. A dud in my book.
Match 5: World Tag Team Champs, The Enforcers, Arn Anderson and Larry Zbysko VS US Tag Team Champs, The Patriots, Firebreaker Chip and Todd Champion
Here’s another big problem with WCW back then – way too many titles. It’s like they had a World World Title, a US World Title, a World US Title, a US US Title, a TV World Title, a TV US Title, etc, etc. Almost everybody in the federation could have a belt. Larry and Firebreaker Chip dance around for a few minutes. Todd tags in and plays face-in-peril for pretty much the whole match. Todd Champion is pretty much an idiot. Todd makes the hot tag and Chip cleans house. Arn nails Chip with a spinebuster and gets the pin. Arn and Zbysko are awesome, but Chip and Todd are painfully green. This was almost an exhibition for the Enforcers. 2 out of 5 stars.
Bischoff is in front of the ring dressed as Dracula. Paul E. Dangerously and Madusa come out. Paul E. complains about WCW officials thinking he’s too controversial. Paul E. wants to bankrupt the company by eliminating the tops guys, and wants to start with Sting. Paul E. brings out the Halloween Phantom. Eric wears the Phantom’s Hat as he takes the mask off. The Phantom is Ravishing Rick Rude. Rude makes fun of Sting and threatens to take Sting’s US Title.
A video is shown of Ron Simmons running football drills at FSU to prepare for his title match.
Match 6: World Champion Lex Luger w/Harley Race VS Ron Simmons w/Dusty Rhodes – Best 2 out of 3 falls
Are we nearing the end already? Gee whiz. Simmons is wearing FSU colors. Simmons and Luger have a staredown in the ring. Simmons gets an early first fall with a spinebuster. The two are given a one-minute rest period. Rhodes gives Simmons some useless advice and Simmons takes it to heart. Luger starts selling a back injury. Simmons finds himself against the ropes. Luger runs at him and is sent over the top rope. Harley Race holds Simmons in the ring. Luger gets the second fall with an over-the-top rope DQ. For those of you who don’t know, such occurs whenever a wrestler is sent over the top rope alone without touching it. Just another reason to not like this old WCW. Luger is busted open. Simmons works on Luger on the outside. Simmons goes for a football tackle with Luger leaning against the ringpost. Luger moves and Simmons runs into the post. Luger executes his ‘Attitude Adjustment’ piledriver back in the ring for the third fall and the win. Tony, true to form, marks this up as ‘one of the greatest matches of all time.’ For me, it falls a bit short. Luger and Simmons aren’t exactly technical geniuses, nor are they all that interesting. And after all the pre-match hype for Simmons, I expected a better turnout. Just average. 2 ½ out of 5 stars.
So, as you see, there’s really not much more to say about this card. Very, very lackluster. No outstanding matches at all, nothing to save the day. Austin VS Rhodes may have been the match of the night had it been given a decisive winner. Otherwise, all the talent with the greatest potential for an interesting performance was wasted in the first match. Then there was Rick Rude, one of my favorite wrestlers of all time, who got shafted by wearing a stupid mask and fighting washed-up Tom Zenk. That’s really the case with all the good wrestlers on this card – being used in the wrong way.
The presentation of the videotape isn’t too well done, either. It’s obvious where the cuts are made, especially when Bobby Eaton talks about a match that we didn’t even see. All in all, there’s a number of better classic PPV’s floating around out there. You’ll probably want to avoid this one if you've got a choice.
This epinion is part of a wrestling write-off orchestrated by Swanton00. Be sure to check out the entries by these guys as well:
swanton00
flyboy101
Action Snark
sportster
shawnmfan1
Chris_Billings
Pika312
Y2J McDohl
Sephiroth2000
WritiaKennaye
Recommended:
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Epinions.com ID:
cactus_matt
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Location: Florida
Reviews written: 40
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