Pros: Unintentionally funny
Troll 2... the classic bad movie that has spawned a massive cult following and had it's own documentary made about it. Essentially, the way I would describe this film is a movie that fails in every aspect that makes a movie good but yet, manages to be so enjoyable and very ''watchable'' unlike a load of other ''bad'' movies out there. This movie is very odd, very stupid, and really camp. Now here's something I find interesting. I've always thought that this movie and it's concept would easily been a little acceptable if it were a movie made in the 50's or '60s when those poorly made camp flicks (Creature from the Black Lagoon, Plan 9 from Outer Space) were a dime a dozen.
This movie however, was not made in the 50's or 60's... It was made over the course of three weeks in Summer of 1989 and was released in 1990. But it really does feel like one of those bad flicks from the 50's and 60's. It has a horrible script, horrible costumes, horrible acting... I could go on but that would take too long.
There are a number of reasons why this movie is so bad. The main reason why this movie was so bad was because the production crew's inetractions with the actors ended up being a total train wreck. Most of them were native itallians who could speak little to no english. Most of the actors thought they were being cast in this movie as extras. They arrived to the set... and ended up being handed a script. The costume designers made very fake looking costumes for the goblins. It overall had zero production value and this is also evident by how it was filmed in only three weeks. Hey, at least it lasted longer than Kim Kardashian's marriage.
So, you may be asking why this film is called ''Troll 2''. Well, basically in 1986, a movie called ''Troll'' was released. Troll 1 was not a very good film itself either. A few years later when this movie's production was happening, they were originally going to call it ''Goblins!''. Troll 1 and Goblins were two totally unrelated movies. Well, the stupid marketers decided to ''cash'' in on Troll 1 and rename ''Goblins!'' Troll 2. And alas, the two unrelated films ended up being part of the same series which explains why there are no trolls in this movie, but rather, goblins. Wow. So, anyway let's dive into the review!
Plot: 2 out of 10
So, here's the plot of this movie. There is a family known as the Waits Family. They consist of four members. Joshua, Holly, Michael, and Diana. Joshua and Holly are the two kids and Michael and Diana are the parents. Michael and Diana both want to go on a vacation to a place called Nilbog. They have already worked out a plan to swap houses with one of the residents of the town.
Meanwhile, our protagonist, Joshua (who is clearly off his meds in this scene... and probably off his meds for the entire movie) is being visited by the ghost of his dead grandfather, Grandpa Seth. Seth informs Joshua that in Nilbog, there are goblins. The goblins that reside there can use their magic powers to impersonate humans and hate any sort of meat. Instead they must have plants and vegetables etc. The only way the goblins can get the food they like, though, is by feeding humans some weird green plant-like stuff. When the humans consume it, they turn into green plant-like stuff as well. So, why can't the goblins just eat the original green plant-like stuff? Answers to this... are never going to be explained...
So, the Waits family heads out to Nilbog, and like in any good bad horror film, nobody except for Joshua sees anything ominous at all about the town. Even when the owners of the house they're swaping with stare at them in a creepy way, speak in a low-keyed voice, and leave behind food that has some sort of green slime drizzled over it. Nope, nothing wrong here. Just a couple of jolly, nice, and likeable fellows!
Of course, Joshua, who seems to be the only one who sees any problem with these people (and knows about the goblins) tries to stop his family from eating the food that is infested with green-plant like stuff. Suddenly, good ol' Grandpa Seth arrives. He is somehow able to stop times for thirty seconds, giving Joshua enough time to think of a plan. You want to know what our good friend Joshua does? You really want to know? Joshua pulls down his pants and pees all over their food, being the good hero he is. Of course, this is not the end. Joshua has to help keep his family safe. What should he do? Well, I'm not telling you because that would take too long and because I don't want to spoil this Anti-Masterpiece so there you go.
Okay, while I do admit that the plot is very original, it's original in a terrible way. Seriously, goblins who eat plants that were originally people? A boy who gets help from his dead grandfather on dealing with goblins? REALLY, That's just stupid. Really, really stupid. Of course, it's the sheer stupidity that makes this movie the epic Anti- Masterpiece it is, so I'm not complaining.
Script: 0 out of 10
My god, the script in this movie is bad. It's horrible in every way, but yet so laughable. The lines can just be putrid. Right after the part where I cut off the synopsis, Joshua's dad, Michael screams at him ''You can't p*ss on hospitality!''. A character named Arnold who is introduced later in the film says (very blandly) ''They're eating her... and than they're going to eat me... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!'' Joshua also gets his fair share of stupidity too. Joshua yells ''Nilbog... is Goblin spelled backwards!" later in the movie. I'm going to try not to spoil every ridiculous and laughable thing this film has to offer, but I am going to warn you... there's alot.
Acting: 0 out of 10
As supported by everything I wrote above, there really is no acting in this movie. A good 98% of the dialouge is unbelievable and unconvincing. You almost have to see it to believe it. It's tough to accept that a movie that does not have at least one half decent actor in it exists. Well, this film (as well as The Room) is living proof that a movie like that can exsist. As I said though, I can't really show you the acting, but go ahead and type in ''Troll 2 scenes'' in on Youtube. You'll be in for a laugh.
Costumes: 1 out of 10
The costumes in this movie are terrible. Now, don't get me wrong. They would make for an awesome Halloween costume. But, when you're trying to make a movie that's supposed to be scary. I think you should put effort into making costumes where the creatures can TALK. Except for the final scene (And even in the final scene, the lip movement looks horrible) and when they're in their human form (which does not count) these monsters never blink, never open their mouth, never give you the impression that you're looking at an actual creature.It just gives you the feeling that you're looking at some kid asking you ''Trick or Treat''. But hey, it's a terrible camp movie so this only makes it all the more better.
Score: 7 out of 10
I think this movie actually did have a somewhat good score. It's not phenomanal or anything, but next to every other aspect of this film, it sounds like something John Williams composed. It's pretty atmospheric and does sound a little like something from Castlevania but I would say it is probably the one thing that was done somewhat right in this entire movie.
Troll 2 is something I would reccomend to only certain people. To anyone who loves ''So Bad, It's Good'' movies, this should be at the top of your wishlist. If you don't like watching bad movies in general, including ''So Bad, It's Good'' I say you back off from this one.
Have a good day!