The most frustrating films to watch are those that threaten to make the leap into genuinely compelling, entertaining or even original territory but, for one reason or another, never manage to put in the extra effort required and simply collapse into a junk pile of half-baked ideas. To give examples, the Rutger Hauer fantasy yarn Crossworlds almost goes somewhere but winds up feeling like something put out by Full Moon Entertainment. The little-known anime film E.Y.E.S. Of Mars could've been a truly moving feature but instead it turns into Miyazaki-lite with preachy, maudlin environmental messages. Which brings us to the 1992 horror-comedy Highway To Hell from director Ate de Jong and writer Brian Helgeland. If you've ever wanted to see what a collaboration between the guys who brought you Drop Dead Fred and L.A. Confidential would look like, plug this into your VCR and pass the chips & salsa.

Two sweet, good-looking young adults decide to drive to Las Vegas and get married. In the middle of nowhere, Charlie (Chad Lowe, Rob's brother) and Rachel (the too damn cute Kristy Swanson) pull into a gas station run by the creepy, old Sam (the late Richard Farnsworth). He advises the couple not to stop driving down the upcoming stretch of road until they've passed two Joshua trees. Young folks don't listen to what fogeys at gas stations in the middle of nowhere tell them so Charlie & Rachel pull over after Charlie falls asleep at the wheel and nearly hits a police car. The freakishly large, disfigured officer (C.J. Graham, whose only other role was as Jason in Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives) steps out of his vehicle, tears the car door off the passenger side and simply kidnaps Rachel.

Charlie runs back to the gas station and asks Sam what's going down, at which point Sam starts into a tale about highways that lead to Hell and Hellcops who kidnap beautiful women that could only come from a low-budget horror film. Even though I'm no fan of self-referential horror flicks, a character from one of those would be a refreshing change of pace in this kind of story if for no other reason than to have them guffaw at the situations they would eventually be put through. But, no, Charlie isn't that smart a character. He buys Sam's story, takes a shotgun & a fancy vintage car, and drives headlong into Hell. Intriguingly (or not), Hell turns out to be a desert sparsely populated by freaks and celebrities who make hammy cameos.

Highway To Hell feels as badly patched together as any film I've ever seen. It's like what would happen if a bunch of drunken Fangoria fans from the 80's got together and tried to put together their vision of the ultimate movie. They'd be sitting around the tube with their copy of Fright Night on and one would go "Okay, okay...dude! I got it! There's this cop...and he's, like, evil. Yeah! No, wait! He's from Hell!" And then another would chime in with "Whoa! And we'll have this dude with a sword riding around on a Harley!" And a third guy would add "Oh, man, this rocks! Let's have Lita Ford practically shove her cleavage into the camera!" Afterwards, they'd fall asleep watching Xtro and write the script while hungover the next morning.

There's simply no other explanation for the dangling plot points. During the film, Beezle (Patrick Bergin) tells Charlie that the Hellcop only kidnaps virgins, which Rachel clearly isn't. As this info doesn't prevent the Hellcop from taking Rachel and is never even mentioned again, one wonders why it was necessary to bring up. Then there's that time Charlie gets attacked very abruptly by an evil ice cream man ("I'll scoop out your brains!"). It feels as if there are entire sections of the film that were left on the cutting room floor. It even ends with a hasty scroll telling us what happened to some of the characters after the film ended while completely ignoring others.

The demonic comedy slant reminds me of the John Ritter film Stay Tuned. Silly gags about Hell this, 666 that and similar tired material Mel Brooks wouldn't even bother with. Let's not forgot that Satan has to go incognito as someone with an obviously Devil-derived name like "Beezle" (but I'll let that one go since even good films like Angel Heart use that cliche).

There are some almost inspired bits. That surreal scene where Charlie is driving into Hell City in the midst of a Volkswagen Bug rush hour stands out. The silent, hulking Hell Cop himself...the stop-motion Cerebus...that electronic sign with the "Abandon All Hope..." slogan. But it all feels very patched together. Like Fantasy Mission Force only not as much fun.

Highway To Hell was filmed in 1989 but was shelved until 1992. That alone should tell you something. Other clues to the quality of the production include unneeded appearances by Ben Stiller's entire family and Gilbert Gottfried as Hitler. Normally I'd be hopping up and down over the potential schlock entertainment value of such a movie but the elements didn't come together for me. I'll give it 3 stars just for the attempt at creativity. Still, I'd take Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey over this any day.

Recommended:
No

Viewing Format: VHS
Suitability For Children: Suitable for Children Age 9 - 12