Welcome to Roots made around a year earlier through the twisted lens of Dino DeLaurentis – who you might say takes the noble solemnity of Alex Haley’s miniseries subject and pre-re-makes the subject matter into borderline porn through some sort of mega-twisted lens that’s part Roger Corman, part late-night Skinemax. Mr. D. then folds it all into a heated morass that’s so silly in its grossness that it’s almost art and creates an example of sublime garbage. And I do mean that sincerely.

Before I even say what this movie is about, I have to continue to trumpet my title’s spirit and say GET OVER IT. This movie we lucky folks saw in this marathon (see below at end of review) came with more disclaimers and warnings than a cigarette pack, or hell, more than a stadium full of toxic waste. And the IMDB reviews and such are so loaded with PC freak-outism that all I can do is giggle. People, this obviously wasn’t supposed to be a documentary and I hate to tell everyone this, but WAKE UP. The era of the South full of slavery and repression and heated deviance was a whole lot more like Rome-before-the-fall than people seem to want to admit. (And I say this as a rather LOUDLY flag-waving educated hick). That is why this obscure little beautiful mess of a delightful cesspool is SUBLIME garbage and not just flat-out worthless refuse. There are touchstones in this movie despite all its campiness that I think people don’t want to face. Yes, slavery was gross. Deal with it. Yes, all these heated creepy people in plantations that were sometimes MILES from anyone else were indeed leading lives filled with all kinds of sexual deviance and prurience. Deal with that too, please. Anyone forget that even our noble founding father T. Jefferson was proven to have children with one of his slaves? Guess so. Otherwise I wouldn't be so reactive to a bunch of hotheaded people drunk to the point of incoherence on PC juice that they write like this movie is the collapse of modern society. And my reaction to said outrage is to again...... um... giggle.

And the giggle-inducingness is exactly WHAT this movie is – an overheated piece of really cool junk from that best period of cool movie junk: The 1970's!!

Mandingo had already set tongues a-wagging with all kinds of sweaty slaves referred to by the N-word all mixed up in abuse and sexual soap-opera intrigue in its portrayal of some very unfortunate African folk dragged from their innocent lives to the hideous mess of the civil war south. To capitalize on this controversy this rather stretched “SEQUEL” was thrown together called Drum. And it’s all such an overheated pile of schlock (really glorious schlock however) that all of these outraged other reviews I have read of this movie remind me of nothing less of that Congressman who went bananas thinking Tinky Winky of the Teletubbies was a card-carrying homosexual.

And speaking of those... There’s plenty of fence-jumping in this silly, GLORIOUSLY silly smarmfest.

In what has to be the fastest plot exposition on record we hear the tenuous connection to Mandingo attempt to be forged — (over jungle music no less) that this Drum fellow is the illegitimate child of a lady who moves to be a madam in Louisiana – yet she brings her lesbian lover/slave/maid/life partner/brothel assistant with her to swamp country to pretend to be Drum’s real Mama. (What is so hilarious already is these people are all such seething examples of amorality that why she would be concerned about appearances of ANY sort is beyond me.) And somehow this lady has some sort of connection to Mandingo. (Don’t worry about the nitpicky details of this script, all they will do is give you a headache and distract you from the enjoyable stupidity this movie has to offer.)

OK. Well, Drum is coming to be a slave/boxer for the enjoyment and servitude at the plantation of Hammond Maxwell – played by Warren Oates who gives the grand guignol performance of his career — a guy so magnetizingly gross he makes J.R. Ewing seem like the dad on WB’s 7th Heaven. He has a daughter who is into all the icky-hilarious shenanigans as she too is trying to hook up with anything and everything in sight. Hammond takes requisite queen of cool garbage Pam Grier on as a mistress too– and his associate/fellow slave owner and movie-partner in ickiness is Bernard DeMarigny. In what has to be one of the best car-wreck-I-am-going-to-vomit-but-I-can’t-look-away-so-I-Will-laugh-uproariously-instead scenes in ALL of cinema ----John Colicos as Bernard says of Drum’s arrival in their midst “OH, couldn’t we ALL use another good stud?” Did I mention he says this as he lasciviously strokes the cheek of his flamingly gay pal? Add to this glorious mess is the mighty actor Yaphet Kotto as Drum’s buddy Blaise , whom he has to box with for the white folks’ entertainment. I don’t want to spoil what little else happens in this movie but here are some hints – Pam Grier may or may not come between all of the men in this movie (and yes, the leering pun is intended) – there is slave-ownership intrigue between all of these people and Drum’s lesbian “parents” – people try to find poor Drum a girlfriend of his own and relieve him of having to be the bedboy of all of these people and he fondles about 40 breasts picking a new lady out – (it’s The Dating Game goes to Uncle Tom’s Cabin!!) Drum’s ownership is argued about during a bisexual orgy involving most of the characters already mentioned (I can’t make this up people.) – then some of the bi people get really huffy of who gets all of Drum’s (Ahem) ATTENTION.. Then some of Drum and Blaise’s buddies (or perhaps they themselves) get accidentally shot by some of the foppish folk as they cavort in their fruffy shirts and this p$$$es off a huge amount of the Drum corps (drum CORPS – HA!! – I tell ya, I kill me writing about movies like this) and then some of actually decent girls trying to fit in emotionally in this mess get equally outraged over said shootings, and then there is a massive revolt and a big fire (very impressive for the low budget and the time) and some people escape, some people die, some people get their fruffy shirts burned and their horses killed – but no one ever seems to decide perhaps being less icky human beings would have avoided all of this apocalypse.

Oh , and did I mention adding to the serious verisimilitude (sarcasm alert) of this movie Drum himself is played by famed boxer of the era Ken Norton? Are you laughing REALLY hard yet?

(In another trivia bit I HAVE to throw in for all pop culture trivia wackos like yours truly, John Colicos five years later was part of one of the most famous stories in ALL of pop culture history – what was it you say? He portrayed on General Hospital the evil genius that was trying to freeze the world with his weather machine that Luke and Laura thwarted the summer they fell in Love!!!)

So as you gasp at my overview, can someone please give ol’ PKWBASSGUY some love about how I can’t understand people could get SO outraged about a movie so silly? And why I seemingly can find only two other human beings who ADMIT that all of this goofiness had its own salaciously ridiculous charm? And for God’s sake no matter how offensive throw offs of the N-word we hear in this movie in-between seeing breasts aplenty and all kinds of sweaty people doing sweaty things in the big sweaty south – can we all just take the chip off our shoulder for just a MINUTE and see this underrated masterpiece of delightful garbage for what it is?

On the serious note to go back to what I said earlier---I am sorry ---but I still feel that while this movie is stylized to the point of ridiculousness, I think the film a lot more of the spirit of what the REAL slave life was like in this part of the country. Think for a moment – you have hundreds of said sweaty people... all fairly isolated in all of their huge mansions and societies – they don’t have to WORK for a living because all the slaves do it – what else was there for them TO DO except perhaps more often than one would think but just to have had a wild time all partying like they had created Caligula On The Bayou? Think about it.

But yes, I do mean this within reason.. Just because I used the Tom Jefferson and Sally H. analogy above, no I am not trying to say you should take this movie in a different light because I think Mr. Jefferson also had bisexual orgies aplenty. I will assume he didn’t. (Nor did Monticello go down in flames. And No, I won’t go there with that pun.)

But the prurient garbage of this period of cinema has its place, not only for the remote reality movies like this touched, but for the astounding-how can-they-keep-a-straight-face performances. Warren Oates especially deserves some sort of special Oscar for maintaining any integrity AT ALL in this splendid muck of a movie, Ken Norton to be honest isn’t ALL that horrible, John Colicos chews enough scenery that he should have had to go on a diet after this movie – and the whole enterprise really is a gloriously silly timepiece of a special time of B-moviemaking. ( It was even originally rated X !)

So yes, know that slavery is bad, bisexual orgies between slaves and God Knows Who else may not be the most pleasant thing to watch, and bad dialogue can be sacrificed at the altar of campy deliciousness. Take these thoughts with you and go into this anachronism of a dumb-a-thon and give this movie a chance. I bet you might indeed get a giggle or two as well. ( And you might even buy a fruffy shirt. But if you decide to make your OWN Caligula on the Bayou and start treating other human beings like property,. do NOT look me up, I know enough amoral wackos that I try to avoid in all of my jobs on a daily basis, thank you. )

(((((( And where did I watch this... ahem... masterpiece? At the famous Buttnumbathon thrown yearly by Harry Knowles from Ain’t It Cool News at the coolest movie theater in America, Austin's Alamo Drafthouse -- owned by my college buddies Tim and Karrie League. A Special shoutout to Lars of the AAD who programs “Weird Wednesdays” at the theater and got Harry to add this weird gem of a movie to the BNAT lineup!!

Other movies I have reviewed that were part of this marathon of cinematic joyfulness--))))----

King Kong--
http://www.epinions.com/content_213987790468


V for Vendetta
http://www.epinions.com/content_223448239748

stunt rock
http://www.epinions.com/content_223447715460




Recommended:
Yes

Viewing Format: DVD
Video Occasion: Better than Watching TV
Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age