Plot Details: This opinion reveals major details about the movie's plot.

Project Vampire is a movie you often see, in the UK at least, in places that you don't look for DVDs in really, discount shops, corner stores etc, usually retailing for at most for about three quid,personally I got it with another movie on a disc for a pound and expected to at least get entertained for it's 90 minute length. I was surprised to discover it actually had a trailer, given that much bigger and better movies often lack this on DVD, and more to the point this didn't strike me as a movie that would be advertised.

Things begin when three young lab assisstants escape from 'Project Alpha'. The men are Vic(Brian Knudson - in his only role), Eddie(Oliver Laymarie - in his only role) and Tom(Chris Wolf - Tango and Cash). They are escaping with a syringe full of some sort of antidote, and are being pursued by two men, a muscular bald vampire Hopper(Kelvin Tsao - LA Task Force) and a limping one eyed human named Louis(Ray Essler - in his only role). They decide to split up, but Eddie is caught and taken back to the base of Project Alpha, where the head of the operation, a uni lecturer named Dr.Frederick Klaus (Myron Natwick - Cats and Dogs) snaps his neck.

Project Alpha is being sold as a life-lengthener serum, but the truth is that it turns the user into a vampire, a vampire under the psychic control of Klaus. When he catches Tom, Tom agrees to help him find Vic, who has taken up refuge with a young nurse named Sandra(Mary Louse Gemmil - There's Something about Meryl) and her scientist friend Lee(Christopher Cho - in his only role...starting to see a trend?) who is trying to help Vic cure himself and stop Klaus. But when Lee and Sandra are kidnapped by Klaus, Vic must mount a daring rescue into Klaus' underground castle and stop him and his nefarious schemes once and for all.

At least, that's as much of the plot as I care to talk about, because Project Vampire had one of the most stupid and tiresome plots I have ever had the displeasure of paying even the slightest bit of attention to. The entire thing is riddled with more holes than a cheese-grater, from the inconsistancies of the effects of religious imagery on the vampires, to the completely unexplained occurances (Klaus in the big electric syringe machine?), and just general stupidity, such as the man carrying a giant cross down an LA beach at night, who decides to stop a rape/murder by pressing the cross against the offender(!?). The less said about the ending, which actually resolves absolutely nothing, the better. In fact, instead of me listing all of the plot holes, just look at the above two paragraphs, because they contain generally everything that is coherent about the movie.
This wouldn't be so bad if the film was exciting, but it isn't, it's a boring mess with a plot thats generally rubbish. I mean, they don't explain the Vampire 'super serum' at all. Klaus makes reference to the fact his father was a vampire, presumeabley by natural means, so how did they develop the serum? why don't the lab escapees change their clothes and ditch the lab coats? why does the man jacking up his car attack Hopper before Hopper even does anything to him?why on Earth did this movie go ahead?

Needless to say the acting is on every level atrocious. Wooden performances all around, absolutely no one giving a performance that even comes close to passable, even by my admittedly low standards. Not an ounce of charisma is shown between the entire cast.

Music in Project Vampire would be passable if it were in a better movie, but the fact that the onscreen action is so dreadful just makes the score seem even worse. Bad video-game music is possibley the best I can say about it. It tries to be moody and dark, but the fact that the same three minutes of music seem to be on loop for the entire film leads to it getting very old, very quickly.

For a movie involving vampires, you would expect at least a decent amount of special effects, and you would be wrong. What few effects there are in the movie are pulled off pretty badly anyway. When in 'vamp' mode, the characters get bad blue makeup. The aforementioned syringe machine things, complete with silly lightning effects, is also pretty shoddy. Oh, and there is a scene of a character on fire, who is blatantly not the actor who plays the character. All in all not one the effects guys will want to remember.

In fact, that sums up the movie for the entire cast and crew: not one they will want to remember. This is a dull, poorly plotted and generally worthless movie that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. While a lot of bad movies can be recommended on the grounds that they are bad to the point of being funny, that doesn't apply to Project Vampire, which is just plain terrible.
I seriously wouldn't recommend this rubbish to anyone, I realise that this is a pretty short review, but just thinking about how sickeningly crap this film was actually hurts, so Im going to have to end my suffering here. So save yourself the suffering and steer well clear of project vampire.

Recommended: No

Viewing Format: DVD
Video Occasion: None of the Above
Suitability For Children: Not suitable for Children of any age